Friday, September 17, 2010

I Guess It’s Over…

Stacey came storming into the house last night saying we needed to talk. I knew exactly what that meant when a woman says that.

“This is just not going to work,” she told me with a furious look on her face. “I never get to see you and when I do, you are sleepy and tired.”

“What can I do about it?” I asked, flummoxed. “I have to go to work! I have to support myself!”

“I think we need some time to just think about where YOU want to take things!”

“Fine,” I said complacently and she left after staying only a few moments.

I had already cooked supper and set the table. I sat and ate alone last night. I guess it’s over. I haven’t heard from her since. I am thinking I jumped into a relationship too soon into my recovery anyway. I felt an odd sense of relief last night at the possibility of no longer being badgered about our relationship for a change. I am just going to lie low and put the ball in Stacey’s court. Let her do what she will. Mentally and anxiety-wise, I can’t take any fights or arguments. I have enough on my plate at the moment for the time being with work.

Cellphones Galore…

I have to work again tonight and the overtime will be nice. I didn’t complain or balk when my supervisor asked me to work six days in a row once again. Nights are boring without work – with me just sitting at home alone all night with nothing to do, but use the Internet and watch TV.  Most of my Twitter friends are asleep and Facebook is a wasteland after midnight.

Cellphones kept me busy last night. Everyone was wanting our new low cost plans and phones. I am urged to sell the most cellphone for the most money, but I am like these people and realize I spent too much money on my Crackberry and an expensive data plan. I should’ve bought something more simple and economical. These new Wal-Mart branded phones we are selling have few bells and whistles, though, so are not for the tech savvy consumer. They are just for people who only casually and intermittently use their phones – not for the power user.  They are mainly for very frugal people and low income families. I think it is a good thing our company is doing and so good for competition in a cellphone market glutted with expensive phones and outrageous service plans.

A Political Animal…

“I am hoping we can get another tax cut,” Jim told me last night eating his turkey and Swiss on rye. “Be sure to vote coming up!”

“Oh, I am the kind of person you don’t want to vote,” I replied with a warm smile and laugh. “I believe in taxes and think we must pay our part to help the common good. I just wish the money was spent wisely and not on the military and wars. I think the tax system needs to be reformed, though. Our tax code is over 70,000 pages long! I would like to see a flat tax or a national sales tax.”

“What would you spend the money on if you were President?” Jim asked.

“Education and economic stimulus for family owned businesses,” I replied. “I would bolster the middle class and do away with welfare for corporations.”

“But you work for one of the biggest, most profitable corporations in our country,” Jim said contrarily.

“I know,” I replied. “It is a bit of irony with my unorthodox political and socioeconomically interesting leanings, but it was an economic necessary evil for me.”

Update on George…

George’s keen sense of humor has seemed to have returned after his long tenure in prison. This morning he was talking about all the women he was going to bed in the upcoming months before Christmas. I laughed as I walked alongside of him as he pushed in a long string of carts. I realize my best friend can be kind of simple minded at times – the most basic human needs and aspirations motivating him. 

“You need to experience a black woman at least once in your life,” George told me.

I smiled as I told him I think I was with a black woman once sexually, but was too drunk to remember it.

“That doesn’t count,” George said with a serious look on his face. “You would have remembered it as a good black woman would knock your socks off!”

I burst out laughing and told George I was always open to possibilities.


Syd said...

I had a gut feeling that Stacey was controlling. That just doesn't work well for the long haul. I actually feel a sense of relief for you. Whew...nagging and wanting more from you than you can currently give is selfish. I hope that maybe Stacey will figure out that acceptance is much better than trying to control another.

geelizzie said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship difficulties, but also really proud of you for the way that you are handling it. You really seem to know what is best for you these days, and you are right that the stress of fighting is just plain old not good for you! Stacey is just thinking about herself in all this and not how good this job has been for you. Women can be like that, a little on the selfish side. Of *course* you are going to be sleepy and tired, you work all night! Sleeping during the day is not natural for humans so the body has a really hard time adjusting to it. Let things lie low for a while and either they will work out for the both of you or they won't and you can move on.
I really hope George's job works out for him, too, and he stays out of trouble! You seem like such a good friend to him, he's really lucky to have you!

kristi said...

I have experienced some of this since I am looking for a job and my husband said "Days only." and I told him that I will take whatever! Our kids are 8 and 14 and he is 37 and can get off his booty and help!
Hope it works out for you and I know you care for her but she doesn't seem to be very understanding and should be thankful you WANT to work...I hear that is rare nowadays!
George needs to get him some already! :)

Beth said...

YOU are the most important person in your life right now and it is taking pretty much all your resources to stay on track, not smoke, not drink, go to work, and just keep up with the day-to-day stuff like laundry, cleaning, groceries, etc., in addition to therapy, continuing to work on anxiety and reducing stress.

While on one level I know you will miss Stacey just for the company if nothing else, you also are now free to look and maintain for other friendships (like Derrick), and continue to help Mom.

If you're supposed to be with Stacey, it'll happen. But I think she's the one who needs to do some changing here, at least for the time being.

One day at a time. Keep moving...

glittermom said...

I think Stacy is a handful..just try dating someone casually, dont get so involved so fast..Take it slow..

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Life goes on. It's constant change and we all have to adjust to the new conditions. If you can't adjust, you end up stuck in the same rut for the rest of your life! Stacey will figure out just how lucky she was to have you - and that it's worth a little effort. Or she will (I hope) just be a friend.

You do have some different views on politics - and I have to say that I agree with some of the things I've seen you mention today and in the past. I'd love to see all of it a whole lot more simple, that's for sure!

Sounds like George is still George! Hope he's taking it easy on his mom. I know she must be thrilled to have him home! He's just the apple of her eye.

Off to get groceries - wish I had a magic wand and could just wish the cabinets to be full! I hate grocery shopping!

Love ya!

impromptublogger said...

So sorry about the breakup but it sounds like she was your "getting back in the swing" lady anyway. Good to hear George back to his old tricks, although I hope drinking won't be one of them anymore.

Justfly said...

You do what makes your life work. You seem to be pretty good at making decisions to improve your life. I like how you set goals and keep on the path to get to your goals.

Diana said...

Sounds like you are continuing with taking care of yourself first for a change. Right on! Glad you got something to help you sleep...sorry about Stacy, but I agree, she has the problem. Sounds like too much drama to me. Peace to you my friend.

pattycakes said...

wow she wants it all her way , first lets have kids , then drinkin and smoking ,now this , im glad you stood up to her . you need to take care of yourself first , this is all new to you , and your handling it so well , dont let anyone tell you what to do .the sleeping thing might be what you always have a little of . talk to your therapist she might have some ideas
have a good one :)

justLacey said...

I agree with Syd. You don't need to leave one controlling situation for another. A little time on your own will help you gain perspective and maybe make a choice you can live with and not one that brings more turmoil. You will always have some compromise, but the fact you felt some relief on the break up shows you it was more stress than you are ready for. I think you are making good, sound decisions for yourself. Trust your own judgment on this one. There will be more women in your future if you want them.