Thursday, August 5, 2010

Therapy: It’s Not All it’s Cracked Up to Be…

Well, I had a one hour therapy session this afternoon.  I think it went okay.  I am not too fond of therapy finding my blog much more useful for such things than a frumpy looking lady leading me on with questions.  It is also expensive and my insurance will not pay for it. I don’t know how long this is going to last.  I did it on the strong urgings of my doctor.

“What do you think causes your anxiety?” she asked me at one point.

“It’s physical and medication related I believe,” I replied honestly.

“Well, what do you do when you have anxiety?”

“Ideally?” I asked looking for more direction.

“Yes, ideally,” she replied. “How do you handle the situation?”

“I get in the bed and rest,” I said with a nervous laugh looking for a nod of approval. “But unfortunately I can’t do that at work or when I am not home.”

She gave me an anxiety workbook to take home for homework.  I still firmly believe it is physical/medication related and not mental.  I think it is the antipsychotic I am taking which thankfully my doctor has cut my initial dosage of 8.5mg awhile ago down to 3mg.  I am feeling so much better these days.  Yes, I still have some anxiety, but it is nothing compared to what it was. 

________________________________________ 

Manipulation and Coercion…

Mom called me a moment ago on my cellphone.

“I have one of your Model Railroaders over here at the house,” she said. “I knew you would be wondering where they were you love them so much.  There are also some letters from a correctional facility.”

“Yeah, I was,” I replied. “I thought it had been a long time since I got one.  Why did all that come to your house?”

“Your daddy has started getting your mail everyday the other day,” mom told me. “He is worried you are going to start getting credit cards and running up a lot of debt he will have to pay off when you stop working as he believes you will do.”

I sighed and told mom I had to get off the phone and call dad.  I got him on the phone amazingly.  He usually will not answer when I call his cellphone these days.  He was at the pharmacy working in his office.

“Why are you getting my mail???” I asked trying to stay calm.

“Your mother said you got a Visa card a few weeks ago and I just can’t take you running up debt and me having to pay it off.  I wanted to get any cards before you got them to tear them up,” he replied.  “You had a bad day the other day and I don’t think you can work much longer.”

“It’s a debit card for my checking account, dad!” I exclaimed.  “I don’t have any credit and don’t think I could get a credit card if I tried!”

There was a long uncomfortable quiet pause on the phone.

“Don’t get my mail anymore okay?” I asked calmly. “That’s crossing the line.”

“Why don’t you start getting your prescriptions filled back with me?” dad asked changing the subject. “Your uncle says your medications have greatly been reduced.  You are going to get really sick again.  This new doctor doesn’t know what she is doing!”

I sighed again.

“If we go back to the old ways, I will let you have your mother’s car,” he said astounding me with his coercion. “I am buying your mother and I new Hondas soon.  Quit your job and let me start bringing your medications again.  You need your Risperdal Consta injection.”

I was wondering why dad went to all the expense to have both of their Hondas washed and waxed and then serviced at the Honda dealership in LaGrange the other day. 

“Dad, my CR-V can last me another ten years mechanically.  I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything.  I am happier than I have ever been in my life!”

“Just think about it for me, okay?” he asked very pleadingly.

“I will think about it,” I said and hung up the phone.

Boy, was I pissed, but thankfully I didn’t show it.  I have learned it is futile to get in an argument with my father as we just end up in screaming matches.  My father never ceases to surprise me with his coercion and manipulation.  I have come to the conclusion that he is the one who is crazy with this incessant need to control my mother and I.  It just boggles my brain.  It is times like this that I understand why “The Homeless Guy” left San Diego to escape his life and family, and then drove to Nashville – one of the more homeless friendly cities in America.  The Nashville Rescue Mission was looking awful enticing this afternoon. lol 

19 comments:

glittermom said...

your father scares me..I am so afraid he is going to lure you back to what you were...Stay strong...I cant believe he is getting your mail!

Annabel said...

Sorry that your dad just doesn't seem to understand or hear you. I hope that you can continue to show him that you're doing well.

justLacey said...

It will take some time for your dad to come around. I can see how frustrating he can be, but you handled yourself well and that is all you can do. As long as reducing your meds seems to be working, I think it is worth a try. Lets take it a step at a time and see where it goes. You can always revert back if things fall apart, that is always going to be there. you'll never forgive yourself though if you don't at least try and give life a second chance. I really don't see you as manic these days, you just seem normal to me.

Lena said...

I am sure it must be frustrating for your dad to be undermining you.
Do u think it would be helpful to talk to your therapist about it?

You handled yourself well, very well.

momsthename said...

andrew you can go back on line and change it back without a problem. Make a note that all further changes are to be confirmed with you..or just go into the post office.

And you might want to remind your uncle that hipa prevents him from discussing your medication or the amount you take with anyone even if he thinks he is being helpful.

Hope you have a good day tomorrow
Kelly

Peg McGuire said...

My friend, if you have the right therapist, it can do a ton of good. You seem to have a handle on your feelings and you're standing up for yourself. I used to think of my therapist as a life coach. She would help me figure out a strategy to handle certain situations and people. I found that I was too close to the situation and needed to have that outside look into the situation or the person. Doesn't hurt to try.

Now, about your Dad. Good job keeping your distance and keeping things in perspective. Most people wouldn't have been able to stay calm and cool like you did. Your dad is either a tyrant or he's a manipulator. Or maybe he loves you and worries about you and this is the only way he knows to show he cares. Maybe it's a combination of all three.

Keep up the good fight.


And tell that girl of yours that all your blogging girls say hey.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

As you well know it's a federal offense for him to tamper with your mail! Spend some of your hard earned money and buy a sturdy locking mailbox for the house. He won't be checking your mail from that. Go to the post office and make sure they know what happened. See if they can put a notice on your address NOT to change your mail without proof of identification.

I agree fully in how you handled things today. Don't take the bait. I think you understand the rules of this game much better than he does. And quite frankly the stakes are much higher for you. If you fly off the handle, he can use it against you.

Don't be stubborn - but stand your ground when you know that you're right!

Love ya,
Grannie

themuttonfish said...

You handled this well!

Not to go all lawyer on you, but as others have pointed out, unless he has power of attorney over you, it's illegal for your father to tamper with your mail -- and there are strict HIPA regulations regarding the pharmacist giving out your information. I'd warn your uncle that if it happens again, you'll be changing pharmacists -- or you can simply change it without explanation if you don't want a confrontation.

You're entitled to your privacy, in both your mail and your medicine. Your father and his brothers need to work on respecting your boundaries.

Melanie

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

I am glad you kept a moderate tone with your father, regardless of how frustrating it was for you. Your moderate tone may not give you immediate satisfaction, but in the long run, it will continue to garner you longer lasting success!

Bravo!

PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

Berryvox said...

Omg! Looking through your mail is definitely crossing the line. :-/

Summer said...

It is a Federal offense to tamper with the mail and a HIPPA violation to be releasing your medical information without your consent. You need to remind both of them what the consequences could be if you choose to report them.

Use a little manipulation of your own. Ha!

sandra said...

Well done on keeping your cool with your father.
The more "rational" and together you seem, the more he is going to go out of his way to "prove" you arent. It appears that he really hates losing control. Keep up the good work. You have made more progress in a month, than most therapists see with their patients in a year. Just a thought..what would happen if you moved all your scripts to WalMart? *smiles*

Sharon said...

I was thinking the same thing as Sandra - Walmart has a pharmacy. It's a thought. Ok, I have to say that I think you handled yourself really well, both with the therapist and with your father. He did cross a line and I'm so glad that you asserted yourself with him. I won't offer you advice, because it seems to me that you're learning to handle things well on your own. I'll just say that I'm really proud of how good you're doing, and keep up the good work!

Sharyna said...

Your dad should know better! Messing with someone else's mail is a federal crime! Even with the POA in place! As for your supervisor, maybe she's just one of those huggy people...I still adore you and think you and Stacey make a cute couple. All that from your "Drew Barrymore" description.

themuttonfish said...

Sharyna, most POA's grant very broad powers -- basically conferring to the attorney in fact the power to do anything and everything the granting party could do his/herself....buy and sell property, open and close financial accounts, etc. Opening mail or forwarding mail would certainly fall under that as well. Not wanting to quibble with you, just want Andrew to consider the full implications if he has granted POA to his father. ;)

Melanie

Tee said...

Ditto to Grannie and Summer. I can't believe your uncle has violated the HIPPA regulations. And your dad tampering with your mail. That is crossing over the line.

Have you considered getting a post office box and notifying the post office NOT to change your address or forward any of your mail without a photo I.D. and notify every one sends you mail to reflect the post office box, like George, your magazine subscriptions, your bank, etc. A good quality locking mail box at your home will also stop the confiscation of your mail by your dad. Google "Boss Mail Box", they are expensive, but they work well. I just can't believe he is doing that! Moving your prescriptions to Wal-Mart is a good step. You might want to tell your doctor what has happened and ask her to rewrite your prescriptions so you can take them to Wal-Mart RATHER than having them transferred, because your uncle will obviously know where they are and probably tell your dad and then you run the risk of him using his POA to have them transferred back to his pharmacy. Just a thought.

A friendly reminder to your dad and uncle they are violating federal law (in a moderate way, of course) with their fringe behavior.

You handled yourself really well dealing with your dad.

pattycakes said...

i think you are handling you're dad really well , i would be easily manipulated by him , i have no balls lol i would be cringing in the corner , congrats on figuring your life out , keep goin the way you are talking calmly to him seems to make him listen more to you :)

kristi said...

A PO Box would solve this! I agree with patty cakes

Gulf Coast said...

Wow...you handled your father well! Kept your cool is most impressive. You are doing great handling your own situations as they arise.