Saturday, August 14, 2010

Precipitation Falls…

When I left for work this morning, I checked the radar online before stepping out the door.  There was a big blob of rain over Montgomery headed northeast directly towards us – remnants of tropical depression five that had failed to turn into anything significant much to The Weather Channel’s chagrin.  “Uh oh!” I thought. “I am going to be working in the rain this morning.”  The first rain started to fall at 8am.  Luckily, I worked hard this morning to get caught up by around seven. It was slow going after that.  I brought my poncho just in case, though.  My main worry about the rain today was my mechanical pusher.  Would it short out?  Those carts are heavy in a long string and I was feeling lazy today – not wanting to go to much physical effort.  If my pusher quit, then I would have to bring carts in at a few at a time making for much more work.  I was basically just a warm body at work today much to my own disappointment.  Some days that just happens I decided with a sigh. 

Derrick and I got in a heated discussion in the electronics department about first person shooters – all the rage these days with computer gamers.

“They are all basically the same game with the same premise,” I told him. “You just run around aimlessly in the game shooting stuff.  How much more boring can you get?”

Derrick grew aggravated with me disparaging his favorite genre of games.

“You’re just not a tried and true gamer,” he told me.

“But I love strategy games that have fallen out of favor these past few years!” I exclaimed. “What happened to diversity in gaming?  I would start playing games again if the companies would get innovative.  They are catering to the the lowest common denominator – the twitch gamer college kid or teenager.”

Derrick sighed in aggravation, but told me he loved me anyway. I smiled as our discussion soon turned to whether LCD high definition televisions had a better picture than plasma televisions.  We both concluded that plasma was better. At least we agreed on something.

I left Derrick to wander through the grocery department. I was doing my fair share of people watching.  I was aghast at what some people will wear out in public.  One black lady still had on her bedroom slippers!  As I was walking through clothing, a lady passed by me smiling vigorously as we made long eye contact.  It caught my attention.  I turned to look at her ass and she was looking at my butt as she passed as well.  I just smiled and smiled. Stacey would have had a fit – being so jealous!  She was a very attractive older woman and I was very flattered.  Sexual fantasies ensued as I checked out the cost of steaks musing over the idea of firing up the grill for Maggie and I tonight.   I never did buy any steaks.  I just couldn’t justify the cost – meat being so expensive even at Walmart.

I arrived home wet and tired to a jubilant greeting from Maggie.  “Where have you been?” she seemed to be saying. “You’re gone all the time now.”  I sat down on the couch next to Maggie as she sniffed me thoroughly – no doubt discovering where I’ve been all morning – all the wonderful and exciting smells on my body and shoes exciting her.  My feet were so tired and it felt wonderful to take off my shoes and to rub them vigorously. I was home, it was pouring rain, and it felt good – paradise in my own little world.

Charlie Drives Like My Mother…

Charlie stopped by last night with treats.  It was so good to see him.  He brought Maggie her favorite treat of teriyaki flavored beef jerky.  He brought me my favorite fast food meal of a Big Mac, fries, and sweet tea.

“I just had to come by and see my new house,” he told me lavishing Maggie with attention. “I thought I would stop by and see you as well before taking Horsefly bowling.”

Horsefly was pacing endlessly through my house.  He has also been fascinated with toilets lately and spent quite some time flushing my toilet over and over.

“There goes your water bill!” Charlie said laughing.

I burst out laughing as well. “Oh, let Horsefly have some fun!” I told Charlie. “Social security pays my water bill.”

“Well, I had an accident on the way over here,” Charlie said. “I was talking on my cellphone while driving and ran all over a curb.  I bent my rim and burst my tire.”

“That is exactly like something mom would do,” I replied. “Mom ran up over the curb in front of my house the other day bringing my groceries and she wasn’t even talking on her phone!”

“You mother and I are just alike!” Charlie said laughing some more. “Bless her heart.  Her driving drives your father crazy.”

“Well, Horsefly’s gotta go bowling and then we have to have our nightly chicken finger plate from KFC.  We are going to head on,” Charlie then said. “Love you and you look so good tonight!”

Charlie gave me a hug and they left.  I smiled when I looked out the window and noticed the “donut” spare on the rear left corner of his Chevrolet. I also marveled at how regimented Charlie’s life is keeping Horsefly going.  It is a lot of work keep an autistic/retarded son happy and well.  Charlie has his hands full, but wouldn’t trade Horsefly for anything in the world.  He loves him dearly. 

The Colon Blow Saga Continues…

“Your brother and I are eating your mother’s colon blow cereal for breakfast,” dad said laughing jovially after calling me on my cellphone at work this morning.

My brother and dad were laughing hysterically as my brother was on the other phone in the den.  My brother is in town for a week with his family.

“Ya’ll ought to be ashamed of yourselves,” I replied trying to choke back a laugh myself. “Mom should have never told you all about that.”

“How did you like your mother coming to your place of work and doing that?” dad asked still laughing.  “She said you called it her colon blow cereal and she laughed.  I thought that was hilarious!”

“Well, it was certainly interesting, but you know mom.  She is always doing stuff like that,” I replied.

Just then, mom got on the line in her bedroom.

“Are ya’ll laughing at me?” mom asked. “I can hear you all from the back of the house.”

“Sweetheart, we were just telling Jonathon about eating your colon blow cereal for breakfast,” dad told mom.

Mom laughed. “I can’t believe I did that at Jonathon’s work.  I know it embarrassed him. It embarrassed me!”

“It didn’t embarrass me mom.  I was just worried about you.  Just don’t eat that cereal anymore, okay?  I don’t want you coming to work and shitting in your pants again.”

Mom laughed again.  This time even harder. 

“Well, we are off to eat some more colon blow!” dad said. “I hope work is going okay.”

I got off the phone just a chuckling.  It was one of the lighter moments in recent history as far as my family and dad were concerned. My family certainly is interesting. 


Hap Joy Free said...

The colon blow story will carry down geenrations, Im sure.Nice to hear of the laughs you have with your family.

Sharyna said...

I still say that a woman of your mom's age should NOT be shitting her pants! Could it be her medications? And not the "Colon Blow"? I'm sure your cart pusher will work in the rain! Otherwise someone (your supervisor) would have told you. Our cart rounder upper uses his even in the snow!

kristi said...

At least your Mom can laugh about it, I would never tell that story! :)

Tee said...

Your mom needs to get her colon check out, I wouldn't think the cereal would be the problem.

I wish you worked at the Wal-Mart where I shop. I was there yesterday and there were carts all over the parking lot. When I came out of the store there were carts all around my car. I was not happy about that.

Sounds as if you are connecting much more with your family. That is a giant leap for you. :-) You continue to do so well.

I'm amazed each time I check your blog and you have changed the background. That would be a major undertaking for this technology challenged person. LOL!

Syd said...

It poured here today too. I am glad for the rain. Have a good Saturday.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Honey, puh-leeeese get your momma some Depends! What with all the new technical innovations and all, you can't really tell when someone is wearing them - and it would really make life a little less humiliating for her. She could even carry a spare in her purse. And for heavens sake, don't tell dad. I can just hear the diaper jokes now!

Be kind to your momma!

glittermom said...

what is this magical cereal? It might be good if your constipated...

justLacey said...

Dad is lightening up. Maybe he'll come around sooner than we think.

1Roman said...

Thanks for going back to public on your blog...I was missing checking in on you. Great to hear you are doing well! I wish you the best!

LDAlvarez said...

No rain here, just humidity!
Last three times they have forecast rain, nothing happens.
I don't use the computer on the sabbath (I'm orthodox) I enjoy reading and playing catch up with you come Saturday night.
I am so proud of you Jonathon!

becomingkate said...

Love the "colon blow" references, especially since I'm such a huge SNL fan!

becomingkate said...

Love the "colon blow" references, especially since I'm such a huge SNL fan!

Cin said...

Sorry to hear about your mom's "accident". At least she was laughing about it! I know what you mean about people wearing crazy things out in public! I have seen people wear pajama pants AND slippers to the store! It makes you wonder what the hell they are thinking!! LOL!

amelia said...

Almost all of us in our family have some form of IBS so events like your mums are commonplace!!