When I left for work this morning, I checked the radar online before stepping out the door. There was a big blob of rain over Montgomery headed northeast directly towards us – remnants of tropical depression five that had failed to turn into anything significant much to The Weather Channel’s chagrin. “Uh oh!” I thought. “I am going to be working in the rain this morning.” The first rain started to fall at 8am. Luckily, I worked hard this morning to get caught up by around seven. It was slow going after that. I brought my poncho just in case, though. My main worry about the rain today was my mechanical pusher. Would it short out? Those carts are heavy in a long string and I was feeling lazy today – not wanting to go to much physical effort. If my pusher quit, then I would have to bring carts in at a few at a time making for much more work. I was basically just a warm body at work today much to my own disappointment. Some days that just happens I decided with a sigh.
Derrick and I got in a heated discussion in the electronics department about first person shooters – all the rage these days with computer gamers.
“They are all basically the same game with the same premise,” I told him. “You just run around aimlessly in the game shooting stuff. How much more boring can you get?”
Derrick grew aggravated with me disparaging his favorite genre of games.
“You’re just not a tried and true gamer,” he told me.
“But I love strategy games that have fallen out of favor these past few years!” I exclaimed. “What happened to diversity in gaming? I would start playing games again if the companies would get innovative. They are catering to the the lowest common denominator – the twitch gamer college kid or teenager.”
Derrick sighed in aggravation, but told me he loved me anyway. I smiled as our discussion soon turned to whether LCD high definition televisions had a better picture than plasma televisions. We both concluded that plasma was better. At least we agreed on something.
I left Derrick to wander through the grocery department. I was doing my fair share of people watching. I was aghast at what some people will wear out in public. One black lady still had on her bedroom slippers! As I was walking through clothing, a lady passed by me smiling vigorously as we made long eye contact. It caught my attention. I turned to look at her ass and she was looking at my butt as she passed as well. I just smiled and smiled. Stacey would have had a fit – being so jealous! She was a very attractive older woman and I was very flattered. Sexual fantasies ensued as I checked out the cost of steaks musing over the idea of firing up the grill for Maggie and I tonight. I never did buy any steaks. I just couldn’t justify the cost – meat being so expensive even at Walmart.
I arrived home wet and tired to a jubilant greeting from Maggie. “Where have you been?” she seemed to be saying. “You’re gone all the time now.” I sat down on the couch next to Maggie as she sniffed me thoroughly – no doubt discovering where I’ve been all morning – all the wonderful and exciting smells on my body and shoes exciting her. My feet were so tired and it felt wonderful to take off my shoes and to rub them vigorously. I was home, it was pouring rain, and it felt good – paradise in my own little world.
Charlie Drives Like My Mother…
Charlie stopped by last night with treats. It was so good to see him. He brought Maggie her favorite treat of teriyaki flavored beef jerky. He brought me my favorite fast food meal of a Big Mac, fries, and sweet tea.
“I just had to come by and see my new house,” he told me lavishing Maggie with attention. “I thought I would stop by and see you as well before taking Horsefly bowling.”
Horsefly was pacing endlessly through my house. He has also been fascinated with toilets lately and spent quite some time flushing my toilet over and over.
“There goes your water bill!” Charlie said laughing.
I burst out laughing as well. “Oh, let Horsefly have some fun!” I told Charlie. “Social security pays my water bill.”
“Well, I had an accident on the way over here,” Charlie said. “I was talking on my cellphone while driving and ran all over a curb. I bent my rim and burst my tire.”
“That is exactly like something mom would do,” I replied. “Mom ran up over the curb in front of my house the other day bringing my groceries and she wasn’t even talking on her phone!”
“You mother and I are just alike!” Charlie said laughing some more. “Bless her heart. Her driving drives your father crazy.”
“Well, Horsefly’s gotta go bowling and then we have to have our nightly chicken finger plate from KFC. We are going to head on,” Charlie then said. “Love you and you look so good tonight!”
Charlie gave me a hug and they left. I smiled when I looked out the window and noticed the “donut” spare on the rear left corner of his Chevrolet. I also marveled at how regimented Charlie’s life is keeping Horsefly going. It is a lot of work keep an autistic/retarded son happy and well. Charlie has his hands full, but wouldn’t trade Horsefly for anything in the world. He loves him dearly.
The Colon Blow Saga Continues…
“Your brother and I are eating your mother’s colon blow cereal for breakfast,” dad said laughing jovially after calling me on my cellphone at work this morning.
My brother and dad were laughing hysterically as my brother was on the other phone in the den. My brother is in town for a week with his family.
“Ya’ll ought to be ashamed of yourselves,” I replied trying to choke back a laugh myself. “Mom should have never told you all about that.”
“How did you like your mother coming to your place of work and doing that?” dad asked still laughing. “She said you called it her colon blow cereal and she laughed. I thought that was hilarious!”
“Well, it was certainly interesting, but you know mom. She is always doing stuff like that,” I replied.
Just then, mom got on the line in her bedroom.
“Are ya’ll laughing at me?” mom asked. “I can hear you all from the back of the house.”
“Sweetheart, we were just telling Jonathon about eating your colon blow cereal for breakfast,” dad told mom.
Mom laughed. “I can’t believe I did that at Jonathon’s work. I know it embarrassed him. It embarrassed me!”
“It didn’t embarrass me mom. I was just worried about you. Just don’t eat that cereal anymore, okay? I don’t want you coming to work and shitting in your pants again.”
Mom laughed again. This time even harder.
“Well, we are off to eat some more colon blow!” dad said. “I hope work is going okay.”
I got off the phone just a chuckling. It was one of the lighter moments in recent history as far as my family and dad were concerned. My family certainly is interesting.