Saturday, August 21, 2010

No More Tramp Stamps Maybe?

Stacey and I were web browsing in bed last night.  Maggie and Sadie were at the bottom of the bed doing what dogs do when their nicknames are itchy and scratchy.  Caramel was snuggled up close to me asleep and quiet for a change – content to be with her new surrogate mother.  I looked over at Stacey’s laptop and she was browsing websites about body art.

“Not another one!” I exclaimed exasperated.

“I am just browsing!” Stacey said very defensively.  She knows my aversion to her constant need to plaster her beautiful body with inked art.  I call it defiling my sacred temple. 

“What is your fascination with tattoos?” I asked. “I just don’t get it.”

“It is an expression of yourself just like jewelry, stilettos, or nice clothes.”

“I understand that,” I replied in agreement.  She was looking at a design of a very ornate rose. “But there’s a big difference between a nice diamond ring and a tattoo of a menacing looking scorpion on your ass.”

Stacey just laughed and laughed at my candor and crassness.

“I won’t get another one just for you,” she said acquiescing with an apprehensive smile.

“Well, if you do get another, then get it in an inconspicuous place. Your tattoos drive my family crazy.”

“How about this rose on my shoulder?” she asked showing me the screen of her laptop.

“I have to admit that is kind of classy,” I said of the beautiful rose she displayed.

“My favorite artist is in Columbus,” Stacey told me. “Will you go with me?”

“Only if we can eat at Steak and Shake afterwards,” I replied.

“It’s a deal,” Stacey said. “It will take several visits.  And I will pay this time.  You always have to pay for everything.”

I’ve never seen a tattoo being administered.  I want to be there when she gets it.  I want to see the wince on her face from the pain and ask her if it’s really worth it.  I know it has to be painful to be continuously pricked with a needle like that.

The last thing I remember from last night was curling up with Caramel as Maggie crept up to join us getting as close to me as she possibly could.  Stacey was still browsing websites about body art and I could see her wonderful face from the glow of the LCD screen in my dark bedroom.  Sadie was snoring at the foot of the bed at Stacey’s feet. We were just one big happy family.

“Night sweetheart,” Stacey said as she looked over at me and the dogs with my eyes closed.

“Night,” I said sleepily. “I love you.”

And I was asleep after looking at the clock one more time.  It read 8:30pm. 

Father Fatigue…

I am fatigued about writing about the whole fiasco with my father.  I bet you all are as well.  I am going to concentrate on more positive writings for the blog for a change.  I might digress from time to time, but I am going to try to concentrate on the positive aspects of my life.  I have so much more good going on than bad that I would be remiss writing about all that crap and not sharing with you all my recent successes.  I feel like a butterfly coming out of it’s chrysalis.  No longer am I that ungainly and frumpy looking green caterpillar.  I have emerged a new man these past few weeks – a Monarch among Monarchs.  I am going to concentrate more on tales from work which is always interesting and stories of Stacey and I – all positive aspects of my life.

The Last Cigarette of my Life…

I walked into Fat Albert’s convenience store yesterday afternoon with my wallet in hand.  I was almost out of cigarettes and was going to buy another carton – dad no longer paying for my expensive addiction.

“What can I help you with?” the very portly clerk asked me with a fake smile.

“A carton of Doral Gold 100s box,” I replied.

I readied my debit card to be swiped in the reader.

“That will be $38 dollars,” the clerk said. “Debit or credit?”

“$38 dollars for a carton of cigarettes?!” I exclaimed. 

“They’ve gone up again,” the clerk replied apologetically. “They keep adding more taxes to them.”

“Do you have anything cheaper?” I asked hoping for the best.

“The cheapest is Gold Coast 100s for $30 dollars,” the clerk replied.

“No thanks,” I said. “Sorry to trouble you.”

I walked out of the door shaking my head.  I know I should be more concerned with the health aspects of smoking, but I was more worried about the cost.  $38 dollars is a lot of hours of pushing carts inside Wal-Mart.  I smoked my last cigarette on the drive home – the last Doral I had in my pack.  It has now been ten hours since I last had a smoke and so far I feel fine.  I am determined as hell about this.  I am not ever going to smoke another cigarette again and be a slave to that habit.  I can’t justify the costs of having to work so hard for such a nasty addiction.  Let the slaves be free! 


Sharyna said...

Good for you on the smoking! I gave it up when cigs went to $.50 a pack! I can't imagine paying upwards $50 a carton! See Dad did you a favor by not paying for your cigs...

justLacey said...

Tats...yuck. I got one 10 years ago on my ankle, no bigger than a quarter. I wish I hadn't now. If I could, I would have it lasered off. Multiple ones are even worse. It's all good when you are still young, but at 50 not so cute anymore. I once saw a woman outside of Cracker Barrel covered in them. She was in her late 60's or possible older. She looked like a wrinkled up Sunday comics. Everyone gawked as they went by and you could just see the looks on their faces. Tell Stacey everyone gets old eventually. Look up old ladies with tattoos on the internet and see what she thinks then. lol
I quit smoking at 23. I am so glad now. Most of my friends continued to smoke. Much harder to quit after so many years of doing it I think, but not there are more things to help you stop. I think for me the best way was to just stop. I smoked a few times when I went out months after I quit and it just wasn't the same. The smell permeates everything you own and I don't care for that. You seem to have a heightened sense of it after you quit than before you started. I wish you all the luck in this one, it will be tough. Well worth it I think though, for your health as well as your wallet. Go Andrew!!!

justLacey said...

One more thing. My father (who is from Alabama) smoked from the age of 10 until he was in his 60's and retired. He would cough so much that he would choke and pass out. My mother finally told he him he had to stop. I think it must have scared him too because he did, cold turkey. He stopped coughing within a few months. I am always amazed by it because I thought my father would never quit smoking. I always tell people if he could stop anyone can.

Berryvox said...

Wha? $38 for a carton of cigarettes?!? I'm jealous. They're nearly $6/pack up here. When I went to Chicago, they were $7-8. I can get away with paying about $2/pack for them by rolling my own but that's a lot of work and can get repetitive.

Also, where's the pictures of Caramel? :D

kristi said...

My hubby has a few tattoos but they are easily covered up. I saw a girl working at Pizza Hut one day and her neck said, "JUICY". Yuck!

Don't apologize about writing about your dad, it is part of your life, what you are going thru now. :)

This IS The Fun Part! said...

It does seem forever since we had picture updates! We haven't seen the new carpet - haven't met Sophie - and haven't even had a peek at Caramel! You are getting lazy on the photography front, my friend.

It's not like you've been busy with other, more important matters, LOL !!

Hope you have a wonderful Saturday.

Tee said...

A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity. I must agree with Lacey they aren't going to be fun and attractive when you get old and wrinkled and we all are going there eventually. LOL!

We all have read your blog through thick and thin and as you can see will continue to do so. Your dad is part of your life, the positive and the negative. We all have problems we must deal with from time to time and it helps to share the difficult times with friends and get their feedback and encouragement. Just look at all the encouragement you received when you took a stand and did the right thing when your dad was acting out. Please don't think we don't want to hear about your new adventures, both the good and the bad.

Man! I had no idea cigs were so expensive. I'd have to quit too, because I'm way too tight (frugal) to let my money go up in smoke. You can ask your new Dr. to prescribe some of those patches that will gradually take you off the nicotine and hopefully the withdrawal won't be so bad.

We do need photos of that new fur baby and we miss seeing Maggie.

Summer said...

Yay for your brother!

Jenn said...

Wow, I had no idea cigs cost that much. Crazyness. I hope the urge to smoke stays at bay!

Annabel said...

It is surprising how addicting tattoos can be. After getting mine 10 years ago, I still want another one, but haven't found the right design. But I don't care for them when they are all over someone's body. Like you, I think they're better when they are classy but hidden.
Good luck with giving up cigarettes. I think you'll be surprised at the lung capacity you'll get back when your lungs start getting back to normal.

Syd said...

I am not a tattoo fan. For one thing everyone seems tonhave them. They are no longer unique. Second, they don't look classy to me. And the lack of class is only enhanced as the person ages. I would rather see no marks on a person.

Glad that you are kicking the cigarette habit. Here's to good health and kicking that nasty habit.

amelia said...

I quit in '88 and I'm so glad I did. My grandfather died of COPD and it was not a nice thing at all.
Good for you for trying.

cyottee said...

Hearing about the crap lets us know what you are dealing with so it's all good.We aren't fair weather friends.
However we are getting more than a little antsy for doggy/puppy photos!
So how about it cameraman?

glittermom said...

everyone has the right to voice their opinion of tattoos, buts its an individual thing. If someone likes the idea of marking their body they have the right and not have to worry about someones remarks saying its wrong. or worry someone elses family will be offended..

Beth said...

While I understand your being tired of so much negative stuff and drama about dad, remember that you also got a lot of helpful advice from your readers, including just this week when we all insisted that YOU CALL *YOUR* DOC. And you did. And we urged you to talk to your brother, which you also did.

You are a multi-dimensional person, as are we all. Part of the appeal of your blog is that you shared both sides with your readers. I hope you won't stop that.

Lil Toni said...

"Tramp stamps"???
I've read you for ages, and always practiced temperance when I disagreed with your opinions, but...seriously???
Do you realize how offensive that term is? Particularly from one that is so sensitive to labels?!
I have tats...hidden from the public.
I have to ask at this point, Jonathan...does Stacey read your blog?
'Cause frankly, I can't imaging her not being offended by your written opinion on this particular subject.
Da FEMALE, Coonass.