Dad came over late last night and knocked on the door insistently. He was excited to show me his new car. I sleepily got out of the bed and put on some clothes as Maggie barked jubilantly at dad’s arrival. Charlie, dad, Charlie's friend and coworker Kevin had been to the Honda dealership in LaGrange earlier in the day to pick up dad’s new teal CR-V and mom’s new navy blue Honda Civic EX. Dad had wrote a check for both cars he said hoping to retire soon and to not want more car payments.
“I am giving you your mother’s car,” dad told me very excitedly which surprised me. I thought I had fallen out of favor with him. He was really proud to do this for me. “Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
Mom’s car is a tan 2005 Honda Civic LX with about 17,000 miles on the clock. Mom basically just drove to get her hair done and back for the past five years and to Connie’s occasionally. I don’t think the car has ever been over 70mph. Mom drives like a little old lady. It is still basically a brand new car.
“We need to sell your CR-V,” dad told me. “You can’t afford insurance, registration and tags on both cars out of your disability money. We will use the money to put vinyl siding on your house.”
“Yes I can,” I told him, not wanting to sell my CR-V. “I need my CR-V to pull my mower and trailer for my yard care business. I am making decent money now. My yard care business will take care of the costs of the CR-V.”
Dad grumbled some, but reluctantly agreed for me to keep my CR-V if I would take care of the costs involved. I was very assertive and vehemently insisted that I have both titles to both cars in my name and in my possession. I was pushing my luck with dad last night with him giving me such a gift, but he was in such a good mood after getting his new car and open to suggestion. I didn’t want this new car under any “conditions” as dad is known to do with regards to me. I could drive my old car easily for another ten years I was sure, so I could gamble some with my assertions.
Dad left after we drove around the neighborhood a few times and he let me check out the new CR-V which was an extremely nice new car. I love that new car smell. I know mom will be pleased as punch in the morning when she gets to drive her new Civic EX with a sunroof to her hair appointment just like she wanted. She had said yesterday on our trip to soft tissue therapy that it was about time for her to have a new car.
To the Doctor I Go Today…
I have an appointment this morning with my psychiatrist at 9:30am my time. I almost forgot about it until mom checked my healthcare calendar and called me last night before bed to remind me. I am hoping to reduce my Risperdal another milligram after my injection runs out and to possibly add Chantix for the cigarette cravings – now knowing it works on the nicotine receptors in the brain and is just not another antidepressant. I am sure my doctor will be pleased that I am going on 5 days without a cigarette. We may not even need the Chantix she may decide in that I have gone so long without smoking. I am still having terrible cravings, though. It has proved to be one of the tougher things I have done in years – much tougher than quitting drinking. It hasn’t been as tough as the opposition I faced from dad in gaining my independence, though. These days I feel like I can about just conquer anything.
I also want to develop a plan with my doctor to get out of the psychiatric system by Christmas. I am unsure how she will handle this – the Paxil helping me so with the social anxiety she believes. I am beginning to believe my lessened social anxiety has more to do with my new found self confidence and esteem more than anything – more so than the Paxil. I just want to be free of psychiatry for once in my life feeling I am not mentally ill. I am so tired of all the labels and stigma involved. If dad tells me I am schizophrenic one more time, I am going to scream!
Happenings with Caramel…
Caramel is now using the dog door on a regular basis. She is just cute as a button and growing by leaps and bounds every day – eating like a horse. I noticed this morning when I got up that she hadn’t used her Wee Wee Pad during the night as she normally does. This must have meant she went outside to use the bathroom with Maggie during the night. Both dogs are now laying out on the back deck in the cool 72 degree morning air with Maggie occasionally barking at things that go bump in the night with Caramel joining in occasionally with her not very menacing puppy bark. Caramel’s constant whimpering has also stopped and she has seemed to settle in with her new family. Maggie has really helped, fastly becoming best friends with her. They will occasionally fight over who gets to eat the puppy chow, though, but that’s about it as far as jealous squabbles go. I gave up on trying to keep Maggie away from the chow and just put a separate bowl out for her. I will just have to watch Maggie’s weight until we get Caramel on Purina One.
Next on the agenda comes getting Caramel spayed and all her shots administered. Mom was fretting about this on the phone last night saying I was being lax about it, and said she would call to make an appointment in the morning. We also need to get her started on a flea treatment and a heartworm regimen. I feel like a parent of a child – worried about my little daughter and all these leaps and hurdles in life. Soon, she will be a “teenager” and I expect her soon to be chewing things with even more vigor. I am going tomorrow to get her more chew toys. Stacey bought a bag full last week and she has quickly torn them up – chewing through them with zest. The floor of my den looks like an atomic bomb went off these days with chew toy debris scattered everywhere.
It’s All About the Sex, Baby!
George wrote me yesterday asking if Stacey had any black girlfriends at work that were into ex-cons. I laughed and laughed at the absurdity of it all. He said he was going to “tear up some pussy” when he got out – he had missed sex so. I pray he doesn’t hook back up with Pookie – that crack fiend. I am sure George will be over at the shot house plying a few prostitutes’ wares in just a few days after arriving home. George and I call it the shot house because they illegally sell shots of grain alcohol for a dollar and also sell several other “services”. It is over in a very poor and rundown neighborhood near the housing projects. Things will certainly get interesting in a few weeks when and if George arrives home. George is just another one of those odd fringe dwellers that seem to fill my life in these latter years.
Dealing with Insomnia…
I am still dealing with insomnia some. I went to bed at eight. Dad woke me up around ten and then I was back to sleep after he left. I was up at two wide awake again and couldn’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. I took one Klonopin and two Aleve hoping this would help me rest, but it didn’t. My doctor warned me this was one of the primary side effects of coming off eight years of heavy dosages of Risperdal. I am having the most terrible night sweats as well – my sheets being wet and clammy when I wake up – my chest and legs just dripping wet with sweat when I wake. Coming off all those medications has proven to be more of an ordeal and challenge than I thought it would be. For eight long years, I was on very high dosages of an extremely heavily sedating antipsychotic and this is going to take some time I guess. Luckily, I am able to take nice long naps during the day, but I wish I could get eight fitful hours of uninterrupted sleep during the night before work.
I have been completely and utterly obsessed with this gadget for month’s now. My brother had his wife’s new iPad with him when he was in town last week. He let me borrow it for a few hours so I could test it out on my Wi-Fi network at home. I was instantly in love. I opened up Safari and browsed to my blog and was so pleased as I lay on the bed. So nice! I also installed The Weather Channel’s new iPad App and decided I had to have one and soon. I am going to order me an iPad today off of Apple’s website. Just the 16GB model to save some money and no 3G. I feel I have worked hard these past two months and have decided to treat myself to a new gadget. Derrick, my electronics friend at work, will be so jealous and I am sure he will come over to check it out. Work also has a Wi-Fi network in the store and I will be able to browse blogs and check blog comments while I am at work on my breaks. I don’t think my supervisor will mind as long as I keep the buggies caught up.