“Hey sweetheart!” my supervisor said gleefully as I caught her in the customer service department yesterday just before I was to get off of work.
We had been discussing what new day off I was to have earlier not coming to a conclusion as I was undecided. I am only allowed to work forty hours a week which is kind of a relief. I don’t think I could handle more hours right now. My supervisor was also successful in hiring a new part time guy to fill in the hours the second shift guy and I do not work.
“Can I have Wednesdays off?” I finally got up the the courage to ask apprehensively with my finger’s crossed.
“Sure doll,” she replied very congenially. “I would do anything to keep you happy and working for me.”
I sighed with relief. It will be nice to break the week up and give me a rest in between working sessions. Wednesdays is also my father’s day off and I hope eventually we can do things together – rebuilding our relationship after weeks of turbulent dealings. I am hoping my father will begin to respect me again now that I am self supporting and acting like a man and not an adult child. I lost his respect years ago unfortunately due to the mentally ill role I had to play in the family and the dependence it caused. I also have a new hobby in mind that dad will just love and that is discovering my ancestry. I want to buy a computer program that will map out our family tree and need dad’s help with this – him being very knowledgeable about our family history. I know he will be excited when I run the idea by him. We are both ultimate geeks about such things. I hope some Wednesday afternoons will be spent in this pursuit.
It is the second day without my 3mg of Risperdal. I have continued to feel mentally better and better – my mind sharper and more clear with each passing hour. One of the most marked differences is my ability to just relax. I am not obsessively and endlessly pacing the floor when I am home alone feeling constantly agitated. I can sit and watch TV for longer periods. I can better read my books. I can focus more acutely for a change. I realized I have been living in a medication induced fog and malaise for years! I had some withdrawal symptoms yesterday causing me to take one of my Klonopin. Mainly physical. My heart raced throughout the day. I felt like I was running a fever. I felt generally fatigued. I worried about being able to sleep, but I slept very soundly and well last night feeling very rested and upbeat today. The withdrawal symptoms seem to have passed for the most part and get better as the day has progressed. Today would have also marked my injection of my 50mg of Risperdal Consta. It has been so nice not to have to go through that rigmarole every two weeks. That whole process was so demeaning to me and dad obsessed over it with it being his main method of social control over me.
I never commented on Kevin’s Facebook dealings much. He’s not interested in honesty or truth I fear. He loves his little supportive “choir” that he preaches to everyday. I did yesterday and was scorned and he deleted me as a “friend” – my “Martha Leah” account being banned from reading his drivel. It is not a big loss as he wrote the most boring stuff on Facebook. I got to where I rarely logged into Facebook anyway. I am just not interested in politics, sociopolitical dissidence, or religion which he wrote about constantly. I basically wrote urging him to start volunteering in homelessness efforts – that he took and took for years from the system, and maybe it was time he started giving back to homeless people. So many people gave him so much over the years he was homeless. I thought this would be an excellent way for him to make new friends I wrote him – the volunteering garnering respect from his other volunteering peers making them want to befriend him as he developed a rapport with them and the homeless people he was helping. He often writes about how lonely he is – his Charlie Brown syndrome I call it. You’re not going to garner much respect or friends sitting in McDonald’s all day writing on controversial topics via Facebook. Well, that didn’t go so well. He is like a broken record and I guess I should just concentrate on my own life leaving his alone. I can understand how some of my readers have become obsessed with me over the years as I am obsessed with him. He is basically still living the same life as he was when he was homeless, except the only difference now is that he has an apartment funded mostly by the city – he just traded the Rescue Mission for a little more freedom and independence. It is like butting your head against a wall trying to deal with him or help him. No wonder he is alone all the time – never interested in hearing advice from people who could help him. I wash my hands of the whole affair and will let my obsession lie at rest. Go where you will, Kevin, but your not going to go far on your current course.
More Flower’s For My Gal…
I sent Stacey more flowers yesterday. I stopped by Sandra’s florist after work and spoke to the proprietor.
“Can you deliver these before four?” I asked, excited for Stacey to get them as soon as possible after visiting her daughters.
“Sure!” Mrs. Sandra said after I had paid quite a tidy sum for a dozen roses. “We will get to work on the bouquet right away and will send them out.”
I wrote on the little accompanying.card that she was an excellent mom and that she was going to get her girls back soon – to never give up hope. She loved them!
“You are so special to me,” she told me last night giving me a hug. “No guy has ever treated me better. I don’t deserve you.”
I cooked mom’s spaghetti last night as a special welcome home treat and Stacey loved it.
“What is this interesting aftertaste I keep tasting in the sauce?” Stacey asked me as we sat at my kitchen table eating supper as Maggie and Sadie both sat on the floor begging for handouts.
“Mom puts a little bit of chili powder in her spaghetti sauce,” I replied. “It gives it a little kick, doesn’t it? She also adds two bay leaves which I think is a wonderful flavor.”
“It’s delicious!” Stacey said as she dipped the corner of her Texas toast in the meat sauce and took a bite.
The meal was complete with a salad with dad’s homemade blue cheese dressing. I enjoy cooking I have found after years of eating microwave meals and sandwiches. I just needed someone to cook for – a reason to get the kitchen dirty for a change.
My Favorite Soul Stops By Again…
Charlie was in a furious hurry last night after work. This didn’t stop him from bringing me my favorite number 19 special from Arby’s which I ate as a middle of the night snack when I got up to use the bathroom. He bought Horsefly a new television and wanted me to come over and hook it up. Horsefly has been “acting out” as Charlie put it without being able to watch public television with the sound on. He has to have his Sesame Street and Dora. Horsefly lives a careful regimented life that just can’t be interrupted or upset. I hopped in Charlie’s Chevrolet and we drove over to his house to get Horsefly situated.
“Shit!” I exclaimed upon seeing his new big screen television. “You don’t skimp when it comes to Horsefly.”
Charlie laughed. “I have to keep him happy for my life to be happy!”
I got the TV out of the box, hooked it up, and programmed the channels. Horsefly paced the floor of his room during the proceedings excited to have a fully functional TV again. We then loaded Horsefly’s old TV into Charlie’s car to bring to my house.
“Now, if I come over here and the sound is working on that television again, then I am going to be mad as shit at you!” Charlie exclaimed as it took both of us to bring the TV inside.
I laughed assuring Charlie that the expensive TV’s sound was kaput.
I got online earlier in the day already knowing I had a TV on the way to order a computer video card with HDMI outputs to use with my new TV. I paid extra for expedited processing and overnight delivery and it should be here sometime this afternoon – FedEx's website saying it is in transit for delivery now. This new television/monitor is just going to overwhelm my computer desk, though. It is huge!
The Parole Hearing Looms Ever Closer…
I hadn’t heard from George for about a week and it worried me. I got to thinking he was put in solitary confinement or something – finally gotten tired of his cellmate kicking his ass. Thankfully, there was a letter from him in my mailbox today. George was upbeat and excited that his parole hearing is less than a month away. “I am counting down the days,” he wrote. “I can’t wait to come home!” George had lots of questions about the blog and my writings – especially about Stacey’s kids. George fears that it will be too much on me with me possibly becoming an instant dad. Every day I print out my latest post and put it in the mailbox for the mailman to pick up. I will write him back that I don’t plan on getting married soon and it may take many months for Stacey to get custody of her children back.
More Computer Shit That Will Bore You! LOL
My biggest beef with Ubuntu was the login screen. I hated to have to login every time I booted into Linux with my password. I also HATED having to enter a password every time the screen saver activated. I finally figured out how to circumvent it. It is so nice to boot up my computer, select Ubuntu with the latest kernel and then I am using my computer. I was extremely unhappy with blogging with Blogger’s dashboard, though. I reinstalled Windows 7 last night in a dual boot configuration. The only thing I installed on Windows 7 was the latest drivers and Windows Live Writer and Windows Movie Maker. I am just going to boot into Windows to write my blog and then boot back into Ubuntu for my usual computer needs. It’s a small hassle, but I just couldn’t live without Live Writer. It is the best blogging platform I have found by far.