Tuesday, August 3, 2010

High Strangeness…

I’ve had a lot of interesting things happen over the years of the course of this blog.  One stalker called my parents to verify I was homeless one time.  A lawyer who reads the blog and lives in Atlanta ate at Merl’s Diner because I had written about it and how good the food was.  A lady who is the online equivalent of my father is currently writing “interesting” blog posts about me and the changes I have made in my life.  Several other people who read each other’s blogs are saying I am “the proverbial bull in life’s china shop”.  Their words, not mine.  That I am manic and making changes too fast. 

I realized today I am putting my whole life out there glitches and all for the whole wide world to read and I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with this.  Anybody with Internet access can read everything I’ve done for almost everyday since 2004.  That’s kind of scary.  Or am I just being paranoid?  I have written this blog religiously for years baring all my faults and foibles to be commented upon.  I am now growing tired of that.  I’ve written too much and said too much.  I put things in jeopardy over my incessant need to write about my life in an online journal.  Too much of my real life is intersecting with my online life these days and it is not easy to deal with (the recent issue with Martha calling my father about my dabbles with drinking comes to mind).

A few months ago – the two weeks I didn’t write on the blog – I was at my wit’s end.  I couldn’t get out of bed.  I thought my life was over and the medications I was taking that were causing my malaise were forced upon me.  Dad, thank God, realized something was bad wrong and started coming over here every morning to fix breakfast and to urge me to start living again.  This was the impetus that made me change my life.  I was dying emotionally and mentally.  I decided I had to make DRASTIC changes or suicide would result – passive suicide as I am too much of a coward to pull a trigger or to hang myself from a light fixture.  I, ironically, had a richer and fuller life as a drunk with my friend George than I did as a dutiful law abiding sober as a judge citizen on Zyprexa or Risperdal.  I knew then I better get to living or I was going to die a slow death of sheer madness.  I can now honestly say my life has never been better for all my naysayers out there much to their chagrin.     

I’ve decided to quit writing the blog.  I will leave up what posts remain for posterity, but there will be no new posts from here on out.  I have a close cadre of real world friends now I can turn to for support and will use them instead of leaning on you all with my problems.  I have Mrs. Florene who I talk to daily and who would do anything in the world for me.  George will be out of jail soon and my life will take even another interesting direction as he will need me for lots of support.  I have Stacey – the love of my life these days.  I have a new guy friend in Derrick and we talk often at work and on the phone.  I no longer feel the need to burden you all as my online support group as you are.   I really appreciate all of you that have read for years and that have been supportive. 

You know what is going to be nice for a change?  For my life not to be an open forum to be discussed by people flung far and wide.  No more comments to worry about as I dread reading them these days.  No more “hiding” things because I think they are too racy for the blog.  It will be just me and my real life for a change and I think it will be a change for the better.

(Subsequent Edit – I have just decided to make the blog password protected so only people I trust can read.  I will password protect it tomorrow afternoon after work sometime.  Comment with your email address ( or google username) and I will add you as a trusted friend if I know you well and you have been a supportive commenter over the years.  Or you can just email it to me at andrew_quixote@live.com )

54 comments:

glittermom said...

If thats your choice then so be it..I think writing the blog helped you in some way, if just to say things that you could never say to anyone you know..you could check in every once in a while just so we know your ok...

Jenn said...

Good luck & I'll miss reading about you and your life. Take care.

jane said...

good luck. even though we've not been friends per se, i care about you very much and will always wish the best for you. i have been so thrilled with the control you have taken over your life. all the best to you for a happy and healthy future!

hugs,
jane

pattycakes said...

oh no dont go , i will miss you a lot , how will we all know if you are ok. i realize that people can be cruel but maybe u wud like to just write just once a week to let us all know just a lil of what is going on . geez in any case if u truely decide not to ever post again i will be sad but at same time wish u every happiness in the world :(
good bye andrew your a truly nice guy

from pattycakes

Syd said...

Life is good. Enjoy it. If you decide to write, you can come back to the blog. I like to protect my anonymity as much as possible. But I keep a written journal that has the specifics in it. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

Berryvox said...

I doubt the lawyer meant any harm but the people calling your parents are beyond creepy.

I agree with Pattycakes. I hope it's not the last post but I completely understand if it is. We'll miss you and your blog. And Syd has a good point too. A private written journal can be good self-therapy.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Amen.

Grannie

Lena said...

Go and live your life and enjoy. I agree, all the advice must have been hard to sort out.

Your blog has helped people in different ways, and hopefully helped you when you needed to feel connected.

Take care Andrew. You have so many talents, one of them being a very good writer. Please let me know if you ever get published!

Peace out!

Hap Joy Free said...

Seems you may be experencing the *bad* that comes with the *good* part of celebrity. You are an onlibe celebrity of sorts to the few humdred or so folks who read you here. Good:lots of love, support and interest in your well being. Bad: Over zealous nosy-bodies (Myself included) who attach themselves to you too much.

You can learn to balance your life, take the good with the bad, or you can just close up shop. You have choices and options. You can self-edit for your own privacy, and reveal only what you want. Up to you.

Though I have given opposing views to shome of your choices of late, I do respect you and admire your sincere acomplishments, and I for one, will miss reading you daily. I think you are fascinating, inspiring and an all around cool guy.

Wish you the best of the best and a ton of happiness, love and serenity always!!

Love,
Christina

Rob said...
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Lizzy said...

Thanks for the time that you spent blogging. I've followed your blog for a number of years and have mostly been a lurker. I loved reading the stories of Ferret and the gang in addition to your triumphs and tribulations. You will be missed in blogland Andrew.

LM said...

Good decision, Andrew. Enjoy your life...you deserve it.

Beth said...

Jonathon, your posts have helped me to understand my daughter and some of the things she is going through, and I thank you for that.

I hope that some of the things I said to you about your father helped you understand what I believe are his fears for you, and that his actions are based in his love for you. Being a parent, especially to a mentally challenged adult child, can be so hard.

I doubt you will offer me a password, but please know that I will miss reading your blog, and that I truly hope the best for you and your recovery.

Your writing is eloquent and really tells a story -- clearly you suck readers in, which is every writer's goal, and I hope that you eventually will try writing a book about your experiences. There is a need for such stories, to offer hope and encouragement for others who are ill, and to their loved ones.

May you find what you seek!

Beth

Tee and Hubby said...

You will be greatly missed.

NellJean said...

Good Luck, Andrew. I've read your blog for some years now and rarely made a comment. I'm ready to move on now as you do the same. I hope your Mom and Dad find peace of mind as you gain independence. I worried about them most of all. Best to all of you.

Peg McGuire said...

Can I be one of your trusted friends? I so enjoy reading your blog and getting to know you through your writing. I pray that you find the joy and happiness you so deserve.

Stephanie said...

I know I don't comment much (I did on your video blogs - Attitude of Gratitude) but I do enjoy reading about your adventures and wish you the very best. I would love to continue reading about what you're up to but understand your need for privacy.

JCK said...

Thank you for sharing so much of your life with all of us. Your stories have been touching, sad, inspiring, funny, and lately very encouraging.

Your blog and writing has done so much more than you'll ever know, and it is both with sadness and joy, but mostly joy that I read of your departure.

Godspeed, good Sir

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Dear Maggie,

Please be sure to put in a good word for us. We sure would like to be able to keep up with what's going on with you guys!

Love,
Dixie and Rascal

Justfly said...

Andrew--I think you are a wonderful human being. I wish you the best.
I am all for protecting your privacy.

Golden To Silver Val said...

I've been a regular visitor for a lot of years and I would love to be included in your circle of friends but if not....please know that I wish you well and hope you find what you need for complete happiness. Take care, Andrew.....and best of luck to you. Valynnw at hotmail.com

Sandy said...

Oh no. I will really miss reading your blog. I haven't commented much over the years, and, yes, it has been years, but I have grown to care about you and admire your writings. I will miss you and Maggie very much! I wish you all the very best!

Sandy

darksadist said...

Oh dang it! I've been reading your blog everyday for years :( But I respect your decision. All the best! *hugs*

Hap Joy Free said...

Im back for a second comment, not to appeal to you to stay, (which I would love)

but to say that its a sad to see just when you are blossoming into such happiness, independence and maturity, that we dont get to see you reap these rewards. Its kinda like waiting 9 months till the baby is born, then they take the baby away and we get no fruits of YOU labor. :)

I hope you reconsider.

vivalarobot said...

I'm with the others, while it's obviously your choice to continue blogging or not, I do hope ou decide to stick around!

It's Jan! said...

Another long time reader, rare commenter who loves sharing her morning coffee with you. Seriously, I pour coffee, walk to my desk to see what you are up to each day.

I am seriously going to miss you. You not only gave me hope, but you also helped me understand the mentally interesting people who have joined our family, not to mention the characters that pass through our lives.

Not having your blog to keep me abreast of your life is like losing volume 12 through 25 after reading 1 -11. Promise me you will let me know what happens next?

I would love to dream that I am amongst the trusted few, but will understand if I am not.

Peace, my 'invisible' friend!
Jan

Carol said...

Hi,

I just started reading your blog a week ago so I'm sad that you are having stuff happen due to the blog (I did wonder at the bossiness of some of the comments). You can get the flavor of me on my blog, I would like to be on your guest list but if you prefer not, I will understand. Email is stiverrn@comcast.net

Good Luck to You,
Carol

muttonfish said...

Andrew, you've got to do what is best for you and your family. I love reading the blog and would miss it very much if it weren't available. I'm so proud of all the changes you've made!

muttonfish (your lawyer friend from Atlanta)

doolie2@mindspring.com

geelizzie said...

I've been a long time reader but infrequent commenter. These past few weeks I have been checking your blog not once but at least a few times during the day to see what's new because these past few weeks have been just amazing watching how fast and far you've come. I've also enjoyed the little Maggie tidbits and pictures over the years and would really miss this blog if it were all to just go away. I do totally understand your reasons for not wanting your life to be quite so public though.
I'd love to be able to keep reading. My blogger id is geelizzietwo, my email is geelizzie@yahoo.com, and my blog is geelizzie.blogspot.com.

Rita Mosquita said...

Andrew, I have been reading your blog for years. It has been the first one I read when I get home from work, for a long time. You are eloquent and astute about life and people. Your writing is so enjoyable, to me.

If I have ever posted on your blog, I did it anonymously. I am an extreme introvert and value my privacy. I could easily be a hermit, if I didn't have to work for a living.

I so understand your need to shut down your blog. I have a blog that I have made inaccessible, except for one other person. The world is full of people whose life mission is to snoopervise, judge and to try to control other people's lives. I don't know how you've been able to do this publicly for so long.

I have also long wondered if you were being over-medicated, and also wondered if there might be the chance that it was actually being done on purpose, to really control you? I think there has been a misdiagnosis and no one has really questioned it.

You have worked hard to get your life back. I will miss the good news every day about your life.

I wish you the absolute best for your life.

Rita Mosquita said...
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Rita Mosquita said...
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Rita Mosquita said...
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Rita Mosquita said...

I would like to suggest that what you have written over the years would make an excellent book. And with where you are at with life now, it could even be a movie. You have become, at least for now, an overcomer.

Annabel said...

I was getting distraught reading this, but am glad you've just decided to make it password protected. I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading about your life, Andrew. I appreciate all you've shared with your readers and me. Thank you for already sending me the invite... I think I'd be lost without my daily fix from you! I promise to be a better blogger too... now that I'm kind of dating again, I have new blog fodder!

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

The decision you make to write or not write is of course yours to make.

Please consider, however, continuing to write in one form or another (even if it is only in a private journal). You have grand skills in writing and it is something you should consider keeping strong in... because you could be successful as a writer.


I value you as a friend, and if you would consider doing so, I would like to be one oo the password protected individuals. I believe that the blue link that is my name "PipeTobacco" is one that gives you my google username? If not, please let me know what information you require if you are willing to add me to the password protected list.

PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

Gulf Coast said...

Feeling really sad and missing your blog already. Your blog was the only one that I truely kept up with daily and when I have time, I would catch the others. Your blog was my number 1. Thank you for sharing your daily life and sweet pup Maggie. I did not comment much but when I did, it was positive and I was rooting for Andrew! Fingers crossed that I may receive an invite. Thanks again, Melissa.

Jennifer said...

You will be missed by me. I am a long time lurker. I found your blog by accident when I googled for help and understand what I could do to help my homeless, by choice, Uncle. I've grown to enjoy your posts. You had, have and will have so many people rooting for you. Many you will never meet but who Thank You for sharing your life with us. Tons of luck to you in your future.

Jones said...

I hate the thought of not reading your blog in the morning, its been an interesting read. I have followd your blog for a few years and watched your ups and downs with great interest. Would love to keep reading your blog. Take care my friend and
know that many ^people in cyber world care about you.

Kate said...

Hi Andrew

I've never been a big commenter - much more of a lurker over the last few months. I work with homeless people in Auckland, New Zealand. Many of the people I work with have mental illnesses and family issues. Your blog has been invaluable in giving me insight into some of the things going on in their lives, that i could never have even imagined. Thank you for writing. I hope that you will add me to your protected blog, but I will understand if you do not. I just wanted to say thank you for the valuable insights you have shown me.

Leigh Ann said...

I will miss reading you everyday! I, too, have been mostly a lurker, although I think I have commented maybe three or four times. Good luck, and I hope this turn your life has taken continues. You seem so incredibly happy lately, and I am so happy for you!

Leigh Ann said...
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Jopan said...

good luck man, you will be missed.

Summer said...

Of course I want to whine about this..haha. But, I hope you consider me one of your password friends.

Please keep writing in a personal journal. You have such talent!

justLacey said...

43 crickets chirp, as you can see you are loved. The choice is yours to write or not. I have enjoyed your blog and if you continue to write i would love to be included. If not i wish you all the best in the world.
laceysuarez@aol.com

jane said...

i have been reading this blog for years and have never made a judgment or made any nasty unsupportive comments. all along i have felt that it is YOUR life and that you should be able to make your choices. i don't ever want anyone telling me what to do so i would never do it to someone else. i would be happy to continue reading your blog at your invitation, but if you are not so inclined, all the best to you for a long and happy life! i see good things ahead for you!

jane

potterstreet@gmail.com

Patti said...

Echoing most of the others ... I've been reading you on and off for a few years. But lately - on. Really, really happy for you and your new-found health. I told a colleague at work about you just yesterday.

Best of luck to you. Visit my blog anytime. :)

Patti said...

oops, forgot to say ...

www.runningpastor.blogspot.com

Matt said...

Long time reader, sometimes commenter

Tokyo Biker Mommy said...

You are a hero! It seems there's nothing you can't do these days. I hope the days of joy continue. Please to consider me for a password, thanks.

Stephanie said...

I left my comment yesterday but didn't put my email because I didn't think you'd consider me as a good enough friend since I don't normally comment. But this morning, after reading ALL your new comments, I feel like I have nothing to lose. If you want to add me, I would be happy to continue reading. If not, I get it.

Steph
stefie19 at yahoo dot com

wstaple said...

I understand completely. I wrote a blog for over 5 years until last fall. For about 2 months, I struggled with what to write on a daily basis. Finally, I told myself that it didn't make any sense to do something I no longer enjoyed, so I stopped writing.
Best of luck to you. I've enjoyed reading your posts over the years. I'd like to continue reading, and if you feel comfortable adding me to your password-protected list, that would be great. If not, no hard feelings.
Take good care of yourself!

Sharon said...

Much love to you as your journey through life continues. I see only positive things in your future. I've emailed you but in case you don't get it, my contact is kranhecker @ gmail . com

Take care, and kisses to Maggie!

Sharyna said...

Please add me to your list of trusted people. As you know, I have been with you for years and adore you. Kinda like the son I never had. I'm at sharynaWolfCat@gmail.com or google user name sharynaWolfCat.