Dad stopped by late last night. He had Charlie’s steak plates for Stacey and I from the cookout earlier in the day. It was a good excuse for him to meddle in my life for awhile. He hasn’t been coming over with my brother in town. I was already in bed and didn’t answer the door. I sleepily said, “Shit!” when I heard the incessant knocking at the door knowing it was him from Maggie’s happy bark. He let himself inside using his key to my house after calling my phone with his cellphone several times.
“Why aren’t you answering the door?” he asked turning on the overhead light of my darkened bedroom.
“I was asleep dad,” I replied, flabbergasted. He would never just enter my brother or sister’s house like that. I still garner little respect from him being treated like an adult child.
He sat down on the edge of the bed as Maggie went just crazy. Maggie thought he was going to sleep with us and it thrilled her. The puppy was in the bed with us as well and it had took hours for her to get to sleep – her pining for her mother. She started whimpering again.
“It’s my birthday this week,” dad said very coercively. “Why don’t you get your injection in the morning for my birthday. Your mother says you have stopped taking your Risperdal. It would thrill this old man’s soul! I went through hell for twenty years before your mother started taking her Zyprexa and can’t go through that again with you.”
I sighed and rolled over wrapping the covers tightly around me staying quiet and complacent. I should always remember that anything said to mom gets repeated to dad. I told her that in confidence. I never wrote about it much on the blog as I could have – the opposition I faced from my family in starting this new life. It was the most oppressive and coercive situation I have ever experienced – the peer pressure being almost overwhelming. My father scares me deeply as he still controls so much of my life and he can be a mean son of a bitch when he doesn’t get his way. There were so many mean threats thrown about that first few weeks – threats to cut off my electricity, to stop the cigarettes, to turn off the internet so I couldn’t write my blog. It was touch and go for awhile there. And it still is to a certain extent. Neal Jean, a long time reader of the blog, wrote the most hurtful comment about worrying about my parent’s situation more than mine when I announced I had decided to go password protected. It hurt me deeply. “What about me?” I thought reading it. “I am not a child. I am 38 years old. I am a grown man with all the human rights therein.”
“You’re not as smart as you think you are!!!!!” Dad screamed storming out of the house slamming the door as my heart beat furiously in my chest as I continued to lie in the bed. The puppy was now crying loudly and Maggie was beside herself with worry. Maggie kept snuggling up next to me not knowing what to do about Caramel. I didn’t get back to sleep until well after midnight as the puppy continued to whimper and my heart pounded and my mind raced. He still has such an effect on me. I should just not care, but I love him deeply and want to please him deep down in my heart. I will write again after work…