Work was hard without a cigarette. I’ve smoked pretty continuously for 22 years and it is going to be a tough habit to break. This is going to be much harder than I thought. I seemed to have more anxiety issues without that old crutch of mine – the nicotine calming the synapses in my brain and just my general demeanor as well. I had a few Klonopin in my pocket and took one around lunch before I was to get off from work. I felt better in thirty minutes, but worried about trading one addiction for another.
The last time I paid for smokes many years ago a pack of twenty “little cigars” was a dollar. They looked just like a cigarette, but tasted like a cigar. It was ten dollars for a carton. They circumvented all the sin taxes being labeled as cigarillos. They quickly took them off the market when they proved to be too popular at Fat Albert’s and other establishments in town. The government wasn’t making money off all our “sins”. They were so popular that Fat Albert’s would always have trouble keeping them in stock. I was lucky to get them when I could.
I stopped by dad’s pharmacy after work. Angie, his co-pharmacist, was working – dad being in Thomasville, Ga. for one of my cousin’s open houses. The nicotine gum was as expensive or more expensive than smoking. I also realized I would just get hooked on the gum – chewing it constantly. I am going to have to do this cold turkey and sweat it out I decided. I am determined, though. $38 dollars for my favorite carton of cigarettes equals to about five hours of work. That is close to a whole day’s wages of gathering carts. Too costly for my frugal inclinations.
“Get a prescription from your doctor for Chantix,” Angie chirped happily from behind the counter trying to help.
“It’s just an anti-depressant,” I replied dourly. “I think it has more of a placebo effect than anything. I need to just make up my mind and put them down for good. I am trying to lessen my dependence on psychiatric drugs.”
Angie smiled as I asked if I could get a diet Sprite. I always ask before I get something for free when dad is not there not wanting to impose on my father’s employees. I grabbed two Sprites out of the cooler at the front of the store and headed home. I looked longingly and wistfully at the Circle K convenience store on the drive home wanting to stop and buy a pack. “Damnit!” I muttered. “You can do this!” as I drove onwards in determination.
The Drama Over Puppy Chow…
Maggie and Sadie are both obsessed with Caramel’s Puppy Chow. They had a fight lined up for who was eat next when I put out more of Caramel’s Puppy Chow down after work. It must taste better or something. I chastised the two saying, “NO! NO! NO!” Maggie sulked off to the den while Sadie sat there wagging her tail not to give up. I had to referee as Caramel ate her fill being very hungry. After Caramel ate, I put the bowl of food up on the washer in my laundry room. This is turning out to be a constant struggle for Itchy and Scratchy not to become bloated on Puppy Chow.
She’s Always Glad to See Me and It’s Nice…
Stacey says my supervisor is infatuated with me. She gets so very jealous about it and I don’t talk about her when I am around Stacey. My supervisor is a very cute, petite woman with a wonderful smile. I would say she is in her late forties. She won’t tell her age.
My supervisor gave me an affectionate hug as she arrived at work this morning. I was standing out in the parking lot wiping the sweat off my brow after gathering a long string of carts. Man was it humid this morning. You could cut it with a knife.
“How’s my favorite worker?” she asked, continuing to cling to me.
“I quit smoking,” I told her trying to tell everyone I knew so it would help me commit to this. The peer pressure is proving beneficial.
“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed. “That was about my only problem with you. You take lots of smoke breaks and my big boss grumbles about it when he sees you out to the side smoking on his rounds.”
“I smoked years ago when I was a young woman,” she then told me. “Everyone smoked then. You could smoke anywhere. There’s a lot of negative stigma to it now. It makes you look dumb and ‘dirty’.”
I agreed. It is a stupid habit, but boy could it be enjoyable and pleasurable. Smoking at work had grown to be hassle, though. I constantly worried about it – wondering when I would get my next smoke break. I had become obsessive as I am obsessive compulsive to a certain degree. Luckily, I am an all or nothing fellow which flies in the face of moderation. I will either smoke three packs a day or none at all. This can work in my favor at times. Especially when it comes to addictions.