Monday, July 26, 2010

Up and At ‘Em…

Well, it is 4:00am and I am up and at ‘em.  Today, Monday, marks the start of my fourth week of returning to work.  Who would have thought I could have worked three days let alone four weeks a month ago.  A month ago, all I could think of was suicide I was so miserable.  Now? My life has taken on this 180 degree change.

Yesterday marked a whole day without anxiety.  Isn’t that just wonderful?  It was the first time in  years.  No social anxiety. No knots in my stomach.  No feelings of impending doom. I thought I was in heaven and relished every bit of it.  I’ve had some withdrawal coming off all those medications, but it is nothing compared to the symptoms I experienced on them.  Who would have thought all those medications that were supposedly helping me were the problem?  Dad still says I am crazy and am on a manic high and am going to crash soon.  Let’s hope he’s wrong.  He’s not perfect despite what he might think. He doesn’t know everything.   I keep having to remind him he is not a doctor nor my psychiatrist.

Charlie’s Idiosyncrasies…

Charlie came by late last night.  His wife had cooked a “tomato pie”.  It was this Italian dish with layers of garden fresh tomatoes and various Italian cheeses in a biscuit like crust.  It was delicious and a wonderful late night snack.  I ate both two large slices with relish before bed.  I always eat a large meal before retiring to bed. 

“I am buying the house next door to you as soon as it comes up for auction,” Charlie told me last night. “I found out today it is in foreclosure.”

“The drug dealer’s house that went to jail?”

“Yeap,” Charlie said. “We are going to extend your fence over to that house and let Maggie have more room to run.  I want Maggie to be my dog, too!”

I smiled.  It will be wonderful to have Charlie owning that house.  He will do what he normally does with a fixer upper.  He will flip the house and sell it for a profit.  Charlie relishes home improvement projects and will do most of the work himself.  I have never met a harder working man. 

“Saturday is Horsefly’s 39th birthday,” Charlie then told me. “I want you to come and if you can’t then I am bringing you birthday cake and hamburgers.”

“I would really like to be there,” I told Charlie. “I am feeling less socially anxious in years and think I can handle a large crowd.  What can I get Horsefly for his birthday?”

“Get him a bottle of Scope mouthwash,” Charlie told me with a laugh. “He can’t have enough bottles.  You should see the shelves in his room.  He has probably a hundred.  Just put a bow on it.”

I smiled at Horsefly’s weird obsessions and told Charlie I would do my very best to be there. Paxil don’t let me down!


Don said...

Looks like you found the right Dr. I'm sure there will be problems along the way but remember, the best have their problems too so you're really no different. Just hang in there.

justLacey said...

You could be manic, but I think your thoughts and actions are more organized than the last time that happened. I surely hope not and the fact that you are not having anxiety is a good sign too. You are also able to sleep as far as I know and you wouldn't be if you were having a manic episode. It has been a month almost that you are back to work. Congratulations! I think even old dad is beginning to realize that you are doing well. I hope he is happy about that and not so freaked out after a while. I think I enjoy reading your blog now more than ever. It is such a pleasure to see you happy and successful in your endeavors. Keep it up!

Sharyna said...

I just can't read enough of your blog! I went back thru some of your past posts and WOW you've changed! I agree that you wouldn't sleep on a manic high so you must just be happy!

Sharon said...

You do sound incredibly happy, which makes me happy for you! I'm glad that you're feeling so much better and I have hopes that you've found just the right doctor. I'm loving how you've taken control of your own life and can't wait to read your blog everyday. Take good care!

PipeTobacco said...


Again, I offer congradulations on finding the path towards feeling content, feeling accomplished, and feeling happy!

I believe that as long as you continue to embrace the idea of moderation in how you practice life, you can anticipate a lifetime of such joys!


Sophie said...

Amen to what Pipe Tobacco said! I am so happy for the amazing changes you have effected in your life, once again the power of the human spirit to overcome adversity shows itself in full glory. Your's is a story waiting to be told, Andrew, and this new chapter you are working on is the very best by far. Four weeks at work... that is something you can be very proud of! Every day you prove your father's dire predictions wrong I cheer for you. You are right, he is not your doctor or your psychiatrist and he should never have tried to fill those roles. Hopefully down the road you will forge a relationship more similar to what he has with your brother and sister, as he continues to witness your ability to take control of your life in a positive manner. Have a great week Andrew!!

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Another post full of optimism and self confidence. Each step in the right direction is just more and more positive!

And ya know something else I just love? In the heat of the day, you mowed your elderly neighbors yard because it needed it. Free. Yep, I'm lovin' that!


This IS The Fun Part! said...

Another post full of optimism and self confidence. Each step in the right direction is just more and more positive!

And ya know something else I just love? In the heat of the day, you mowed your elderly neighbors yard because it needed it. Free. Yep, I'm lovin' that!


Tee said...

I have to say ditto to Pipe.

I do understand the anxiety your parents must be experiencing because they don't want you to lose your disability. Just don't earn over the limited amount allowed by SSA and you will still have the best of both worlds. Your dad's income will drop significantly when he retires and I'm sure he feels that he will not be in a position to help you if that arises in the future.

Syd said...

Sounds like things are going well at work and with your love life. A whole new world has opened up for you. Cool.