Well, it is 4:00am and I am up and at ‘em. Today, Monday, marks the start of my fourth week of returning to work. Who would have thought I could have worked three days let alone four weeks a month ago. A month ago, all I could think of was suicide I was so miserable. Now? My life has taken on this 180 degree change.
Yesterday marked a whole day without anxiety. Isn’t that just wonderful? It was the first time in years. No social anxiety. No knots in my stomach. No feelings of impending doom. I thought I was in heaven and relished every bit of it. I’ve had some withdrawal coming off all those medications, but it is nothing compared to the symptoms I experienced on them. Who would have thought all those medications that were supposedly helping me were the problem? Dad still says I am crazy and am on a manic high and am going to crash soon. Let’s hope he’s wrong. He’s not perfect despite what he might think. He doesn’t know everything. I keep having to remind him he is not a doctor nor my psychiatrist.
Charlie came by late last night. His wife had cooked a “tomato pie”. It was this Italian dish with layers of garden fresh tomatoes and various Italian cheeses in a biscuit like crust. It was delicious and a wonderful late night snack. I ate both two large slices with relish before bed. I always eat a large meal before retiring to bed.
“I am buying the house next door to you as soon as it comes up for auction,” Charlie told me last night. “I found out today it is in foreclosure.”
“The drug dealer’s house that went to jail?”
“Yeap,” Charlie said. “We are going to extend your fence over to that house and let Maggie have more room to run. I want Maggie to be my dog, too!”
I smiled. It will be wonderful to have Charlie owning that house. He will do what he normally does with a fixer upper. He will flip the house and sell it for a profit. Charlie relishes home improvement projects and will do most of the work himself. I have never met a harder working man.
“Saturday is Horsefly’s 39th birthday,” Charlie then told me. “I want you to come and if you can’t then I am bringing you birthday cake and hamburgers.”
“I would really like to be there,” I told Charlie. “I am feeling less socially anxious in years and think I can handle a large crowd. What can I get Horsefly for his birthday?”
“Get him a bottle of Scope mouthwash,” Charlie told me with a laugh. “He can’t have enough bottles. You should see the shelves in his room. He has probably a hundred. Just put a bow on it.”
I smiled at Horsefly’s weird obsessions and told Charlie I would do my very best to be there. Paxil don’t let me down!