“I lived in Germany for years,” Kim told me this morning as she smiled her cute little chubby Drew Barrymore smile. “My ex-husband was in the military. I was your average housewife taking care of our apartment and the kids. Living abroad can really give you a different perspective on things.”
“Oh, that must have been fascinating,” I replied with great interest. “I’ve been to London twice. I love Europe. My ex-wife and I traveled a lot when we were married.”
I have found myself seeking out Kim on my breaks and slow moments – extremely enjoying our conversations. She will smile broadly when she will see me walk up greeting her. Today, she revealed to me she was bi-polar when I told her I was on disability and that’s why I could only work four hours a day. We talked a little bit about medications. She is on Lithium which I also take 3 capsules of every morning.
“I have anxiety issues,” I said not wanting to reveal I was schizophrenic and scare her away just yet. “I think I have generalized anxiety disorder.”
Anxiety seemed like a much “softer” mental disorder to have, and I really don’t think I am schizophrenic these days anyway. I’ve had so many diagnosis over the years that it is dizzying. I don’t know what to think really. I certainly know I am not schizophrenic in the classic sense by any means. My current official diagnosis by my psychiatrist is schizoaffective – having both symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I think it is a load of rubbish! I honestly think my overbearing family has just about driven me crazy over the years and that was where most of my problems stemmed from. Generalized overbearing family disorder! Dad just about put so much pressure on me over the years it about broke me as a man.
This morning started out fast and furious as I had to get caught up with the overnight barrage of shopping carts. Once I got caught up, I had nothing to do but to wander the store aimlessly again. The grocery side of the store keeps me the busiest. I will occasionally go out and bring carts in during breaks from my wandering – ever mindful of how the carts are piling up. My supervisor is fully content with my wandering as long as there are plenty of carts at the ready for customers. I worried at first she would get on to me for doing so or would send me home early, but she seems happy with how I am doing my job – often bragging on me.
During my free time today, I bought some shirts for work that were on sale for $7 dollars each. I badly need a new wardrobe – my current wardrobe being years and years old. Even my nicest shirts have some minor holes in them. It embarrasses me. I don’t want to look like the hapless bachelor. I also only have one pair of pants that fit me so buying pants is next on the agenda.
As I was leaving work, I stopped to see Kim one more time to tell her goodbye for the day.
“Can I call you tonight?” I asked in a moment of great courage. “I would really like to get to know you even better.”
She smiled as she gave me her phone number and told me she would be home after eight. “Be sure to call me!” she said as I turned to leave. Now, if I can just get up the courage to call. It will be a big step for me and my phone phobias. I am so intrigued and want to know more about her. I have found her a fascinating creature so far. I am frankly quite smitten.
The Representative Payee Dilemma…
By all your advice, I have decided to hold off on changing my representative payee. I have researched well, though, and could change my payee at any time to any person I chose without having to have dad’s permission. I wasn’t thinking clearly, though, on how much responsibility would be thrust on Mrs. Florene as one commenter posted. That worried me. Social Security also doesn’t recognize power of attorney I learned the other day so that is good to know. I will let that be my ace in the hole. I will just concentrate on both my jobs with the goal of getting off disability completely in a few years. I still have my nine month trial work period where I can draw a full paycheck and still get my disability. I also learned I can keep my Medicare benefits for up to seven years after getting off disability. That is comforting to know. Thanks be to Clinton!
The Benefactor Calls…
When I arrived home, I had a message on my answering machine from my benefactor to call him. I called him immediately hoping for work after calling Mrs. Florene and calling off the trip to Opelika.
“I need you to clean out my drainage ditch that runs the length of my backyard,” he said. “Water is pooling in my backyard. It’s brick, but you haven’t been able to see the bricks in years from all the dirt that's accumulated. It’s just not draining anymore.”
“Sounds like a tough job,” I replied, ever wary of my anxiety attacks.
“I’ll pay you $50 dollars,” he said. “It shouldn’t take but four or five hours to do.”
“It’s a deal,” I replied. “I’ll see you in an hour and get started.”
Well, here goes another big job consisting of shoveling dirt out of a ditch for hours. It is going to be a two Klonopin job. I hope I can do it. I would really like the money. I will write again tonight to let you all know how I fared.