I drove over this morning for the medication ritual at seven. My father’s cousin Jean is in town from south Georgia and staying with my parents. She was still asleep when I arrived and dad said we needed to be quiet so she could sleep in. She had a long drive the night before and didn’t get in until very late in the night.
“I am amazed you’ve managed to work one full week,” dad told me with a smirk as I sat down in the den. “I’ve been expecting drunken disaster by now. When do you get paid?”
“Oh, I’ve got money,” showing him the over hundred dollars I have accumulated in my wallet.
Dad looked aghast. He hasn’t seen me with money in many, many years. It about freaked him out!
“You’re playing with fire, son,” he said. “You know you are an incorrigible alcoholic!”
“I’m not a drunk,” I said calmly, taking my medications. “I drank all those years because I was miserable. You had a big part to play in it. I am happy now. I can have a beer like a normal Joe. I would have been obsessively drunk a week ago if I was going to drink like that. I wouldn’t have worked two days before losing my job.”
Dad grumbled some. I went and sat at the kitchen table while dad cooked breakfast. We had biscuits, sausage, and strawberry preserves. I had quite a few chocolate chip cookies mom had baked yesterday as dessert as well.
“Just what do you do at your job?” dad asked. “I hate you are working for my competitor.”
“I just push the shopping carts inside,” I replied. “It is a simple and easy job. I spent most of yesterday just passing time in the store we were so slow. I didn’t have anything to do. My biggest stress is dealing with the social situations that arise. That is the thing that causes me the most anxiety.”
“What are you going to do if Social Security reviews your eligibility to work full time again?”
“I will jump that hurdle when it arises,” I replied. “They shouldn’t do that, though. I have read online that it is against the rules. They can’t punish you for trying to better yourself. Most people can’t live on just disability alone you know? I’ve been lucky to have a house and car that are paid for and no bills other than utilities. You’ve kind of subsidized me for years. It is time I start to pay my own way.”
“I know you,” he said. “Your mental illness is going to act up and you are going to get drunk in despair and lose your job by not showing up for a few days while you are in a drunken stupor.”
“We will just have to wait and see,” I said, determined to prove him wrong.
I haven’t been so passionate about something in many, many years – this returning to work. It has given me a reason for living – for getting out of the bed everyday. It has given me a healthy routine with which to center my life around. I has also worked wonders for my self esteem. My father is my primary naysayer and I am going to prove him wrong. I can be one determined son of a bitch when I set my mind to it. I get it from my father. He forgets I am his progeny sometimes.
Things to do Today…
- Trim my benefactor’s shrubbery for two hours for $25 dollars this morning before it gets too hot and the afternoon storms bubble up.
- Hope my benefactor wants me to mow his lawn which needs doing.
- Go to the grocery store and buy the items necessary to make mom’s lasagna for supper tonight.
- Hope my supervisor calls me in to work. I don’t know what to do with myself with a day off.
- Drive to Auburn this evening to buy my two sunset brews. They don’t sell beer here on Sundays. I didn’t plan ahead last night as usual.
- Possibly hit the mill village and see if I can mow some of those small lawns for $5 or $10 dollars each with my push mower.
- Buy cigarettes. I am on my last two packs.
- Drive over and get more of mom’s chocolate chip and walnut cookies.
- Take Maggie for her long walk.
- End the evening in the park with my AM talk radio and sunset brews.
- Possibly check out reviews of and buy a few video games at work although I find most video games tedious these days. Want to check out World of Warcraft again and see if it captures my interest. I need the expansion packs.
I was thinking this morning about that anonymous comment the other day saying I was racist for describing persons as black. The hallmark of descriptive and good writing is painting a picture for your readers. I have found adjectives key to my writing. Are these petty people teenagers or kids? Do adults actually quibble over this stuff? It just came across as so petty and immature. As if I was dealing with the irrationality of a petty teenager. The intention is to cause me distress in some way, but it makes me laugh. That people will read and feel the need to do such things just amuses me to no end. I guess I am doing the wrong things by giving a response. That is the goal is it not? To get my goat as Pipe Tobacco called it? LOL I have visions of some lonely guy sitting in his parent’s dark basement in front of a computer writing this petulant stuff. It makes me smile and laugh. I just hate it tends to get the goat of my regular commenters though. Don’t pay attention to that stupid shit!