Sunday, July 25, 2010

More This and That…

  • Kim and I went to see The Twilight Saga: Eclipse last night.  Kim said it was a movie about emo vampires and shirtless werewolves.  I laughed.  She was pretty much right.  All the Twilight movies start extremely slow with lots of romance and end up with these sweeping intense action sequences.  I loved it having listened to all the audiobooks on my iPod.  Kim was meh having not read the books!
  • We then to Chili’s afterwards and both got the babyback ribs. Kim drank two giant margaritas before our meal and I told her she drank too much in a very passive way – basically just an aside.  It hurt her feelings and it was a quiet ride home back from Auburn as she pouted with me.  I apologized profusely to no avail. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.  No sex last night which I was looking forward to some amorous affairs.
  • I managed to garner two more regular customers for my yardcare business yesterday.  One was this very attractive single older lady who was very flirtatious. She was a cougar.  I was extremely flattered, but managed to hold her advances at bay.  The other lady was another older woman who had been paying $40 dollars every two weeks for a yardcare business to mow her lawn.  She jumped at the bargain I am at mowing for only $20 dollars.
  • The radar is looking very active this early in the morning which is odd, but exciting.  Soon, the heat of the day will hit and storms will just erupt.  I am excited for what the day will bring weather-wise. 
  • I absolutely can’t wait for my new processor to get here tomorrow.  I am chomping at the bit to tear my computer apart and install it. I am hoping the BIOS on my Dell supports it.  I am gambling that it will work.  The CPU has four processors running at 3.0 GHz.  My current processor is a Core 2 Duo overclocked to 3.6 GHz but it only has two processors.
  • Dad paid me a compliment yesterday saying he was astonished I wasn’t a drunken mess by now.  I am happy I told him.  I don’t need to stay drunk all the time when I am not miserable.
  • I’ve had some withdrawal from my bipolar and antidepressant medications.  I keep feeling what feels like this electric sensation surging through my body.  I believe this is what menopausal women experience when they say that they are having hot flashes.
  • One of my biggest mental illness symptoms I had for years was that I would hear what sounded like car doors shutting or knocks on my door.  That has gone away thankfully and much to my relief.  I realize now it was social anxiety related and think my new medication for social anxiety is helping.
  • My severe anxiety just seems to get better with every passing day.  Each day, late in the afternoons, the anxiety grows less.  I can almost imagine a life without anxiety these days.  I can almost get euphoric when 5pm rolls around and my stomach is not in a knot and I am not a nervous wreck.  It is so very, very nice to live like this.  I deserve this after years of torture on those regards.
  • Now that those antidepressants are getting out of my system, I am finding myself a very sexual creature once again after years of being neutered by my medications.  I find myself having fantasies again and I haven’t had them in  years.  I also find attractive women sexually stimulating again for the first time in forever.  Breasts.  Butts.  Hips.  It is all so intoxicating.  
  • I just drove over a moment ago to get my six diet Cokes for the day.  Mom still puts them out every night.  I have a new routine while I pace the floor smoking as I drink them.  It has to be one of the pleasurable things I experience these days.  I love this morning routine.
  • Well, today is my day off from work and I am going to make it just that, a day off.  No yard work.  No nothing.  I am just going to spend the day reading and browsing the Internet.  And hopefully making amends with Kim.  I can’t stand for her to be outdone with me.  She really doesn’t drink that much.  I am just hypersensitive from my own experiences with drinking.  I just need to be careful.


justLacey said...

Don't worry too much about Kim. She will get over it. At a later time you might want to explain why you made the comment, but I wouldn't until you know each other better. I am very happy to hear that your new meds are working better for you and most of all that your father has had to admit that maybe he was wrong. I know these changes have not been easy for you. You have grasped a hold on your own destiny and made it into something you are so enjoying. I think that is wonderful. I am overjoyed to see you with a life outside of your home and with new friends of all kinds. I only expect this to become more of what it already is. Today will be a wonderful new day.

Lena said...

I am curious as to what your mom thinks of all the changes you have made. You haven't mentioned any conversations with her lately.

kristi said...

You sound a lot like my husband. He hates when I am mad at him but he just says things that piss me off!!

Mary K said...

Brain zaps are what they call those withdrawal symptoms in the crazyboards. They will pass once your brain gets used to being without the chemicals.
Pick Kim a big bouquet of wildflowers. Or find one perfect rose. That will make her smile, I bet.

Sharyna said...

Yes, a single rose with a hand written note saying something from your heart. And a word of advice, don't make her mad if you expect lovin'!

forsythia said...

Kim's drinking is her business, but her pouting shows that you probably struck a nerve. Guess you don't want to strike it again. :-) But enough about Kim. How about you? You just go from good day to better. Your fans couldn't be happier.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Yeah, one of the more unpleasant sides of relationships - that I know you remember - hurt feelings. It takes a while to figure out which buttons not to push!

BUT, in your defense, from what you've said she's pretty much been tipsy during each social encounter you've had with her. I wonder if there's a problem there and that's why it hit a nerve?

The one thing I know for certain is that you did not intend to hurt her feelings. That's just not how you operate - you're too kind for that!

Just one reason I love ya!


impromptublogger said...

Yep- flowers will definitely help. Enjoy the make-up sex! lol

Syd said...

What Kim does is really her business. Your intentions were good. Trying to control others generally pisses them off.