This morning will be the first day in many years that my medications aren’t forced upon me. I called dad last night and explained to him what was going on – that I had a new doctor and that I am getting my prescriptions filled elsewhere. He didn’t really know what to say, but he told me I was on my own now – that I couldn’t come running to him when I got in a mental illness mess as he surmised would happen. I said fine. I just want some autonomy.
“It is going to come at a high cost,” he said. “You are so mentally ill that you can’t think straight or think rationally for yourself.”
I told him I loved him deeply and that I was very sorry for all of this. I had to do it though. I was dying emotionally and mentally for years. I have self esteem for the first time in ages. So many good things are happening in my life that it is too late to turn back now. I’ve tasted some success and freedom, and it is intoxicating.
I found myself just exhausted this morning. Emotionally spent after last night. It has been a busy past few weeks both mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am going to work my four hours this morning hoping work is slow and come home and rest. I am not mowing lawns this afternoon and will save them for the weekend. Today is going to be a “me” day. Money can wait. My only real pressing goal is to get up some business cards for my yard care business. I hope work has a kit were I can print these out with my printer at home.