I feel so well again this morning. Progressively, I have felt better and better everyday. The incessant drooling has almost stopped. I am able to sit long enough to watch my favorite show, Bones. I no longer pace the floor for hours on end. My mind grows clearer and more calm everyday. I can only attribute this to my change back to risperidone away from Zyprexa. Although, I miss being able to sleep on a whim like I could under the influence of that other drug. It was the great escape from the torment that was my life. Whole days could be spent in the bed escaped from my reality.
I’ve been trying to understand the psychology of negative anonymous commenters this morning. I understand the intent is to cause pain. That is easy to discern. The malice is palpable. They would probably claim they are telling the truth. I don’t share but a small percentage of my life on this blog so they can’t honestly deduce my life from my postings. Whatever truth they seek is sorely lacking. Sadly, I almost find it amusing – this drive to barrage me with all that nonsense. This inane need to seek out a hurting or sick individual on the internet and bully them like children on a playground. I can only conclude that I will have the last laugh as I will probably still be writing this blog long after their attention wavers. I will probably and most likely have the last say.
I have no plans for the day. I’ve been up since 3am reinstalling Vista again. My computer was starting to slow so I knew it was time. I find myself reinstalling Windows every few months in my attempts to keep it running clean and fresh.
My brother called me last night on one of the exceedingly rare occasions he will do so. He had bought a new iMac. His first. He’s always been a PC guy.
“Do all Macs only have a one button mouse?” he asked.
I laughed and told him, yes, they all have a one button mouse. I have little experience with Macs and couldn’t help him with much else though.
Dad’s sickness is easing up. He sounded so much better last night. Less congested. He was in fine form as he told me to stop feeding Maggie people food. Maggie had once again ignored her Purina One in favor of strawberry Poptarts. The Mag dog is currently in the den on the cushion of the couch sleeping. She makes it look so comfortable. I’d curl up with her if I could fit.
I wistfully want to blame my current anxiety on my lack of alcohol. I know. I know. Berate me. It is just the alcoholic in me lashing out. A drink sure would calm me, though, and it is so enticing. I’ve been obsessing all morning of hitting the pawn shop with my iPod when it opens at 9am. I better attend that 8:30am online AA meeting they have everyday.