Thursday, June 24, 2010

That Lucky Cat…

I was just outside feeding Lucky – my deceased neighbor’s cat.  He got a can of tuna and some cheese this morning.  He’s gotten where he will let me pet him, but it has taken months of building trust.  I was hoping to make Lucky my cat, but realized months ago that he was just too fiercely independent.  He would never be a house cat.  He is content to sleep on the blanket I placed in Joyce’s laundry room and go about his business during the day – most likely hunting and fighting with the other male cats in the neighborhood.  He has the scars to prove it.  Maggie looked on in the fence at our interaction and turned up her nose.  Maggie and Lucky have a shaky truce though.  Maggie doesn’t bark at him like she does other cats – other cats will send Maggie reeling.  If I could catch Lucky, I would take him to the vet and get him fixed, but I fear I would destroy any trust we have built up over this past year. 

I drove over this morning to get my six diet Cokes and they weren’t on the porch which was extremely odd for mom to neglect. I knocked on the door and dad answered.  He was all interested in how I felt.

“I feel good this morning,” I told him. “Mornings are always bliss mentally.”

“Have you taken your Klonopin?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. “I am saving it for lunch.”

Dad grumbled some about his worries about me saving up that pill to gather pills to take in one big mass. 

“Promise me you are going to take it at lunch,” he said. “Don’t save them up and get drunk.”

We walked down into the basement to get my Cokes.  Dad grumbled about that as well saying I shouldn’t be drinking them.  He says I get high off the caffeine. The feel good police were in full force this morning. 

I don’t know what the day may bring and I am apprehensive.  I hope today is good.  We are off to a good start.  I am able to take satisfaction out of the Internet this morning – something I couldn’t do yesterday.  I am content to check the blog and look for updates on Facebook.   As far as Twitter is concerned, I tend to post and interact in spurts.  Sometimes, I feel like I am posting to the ether though.  Who reads all that stuff?  I was once enamored with a single woman on Twitter until I realized she was simple minded.  She called herself a writer, but never updated her blog.  I just didn’t understand that.  She was a pious Vegan and it would have never worked between us as far as friendship goes.  She preached too much.  I would have to fight the urge to tell her we, as humans, are omnivorous.  Our teeth prove it.  It was certainly interesting while it lasted, though.  I will have to admit to that.

What are you feeling?  I feel calm and collected this morning – taking so much joy out of listening to the radio and browsing the Internet.  I am listening to a Coast to Coast AM show from last year about 2012 and the coming apocalypse.  These shows about 2012 and the Mayan calendar always make me chuckle – they take this stuff so seriously and it is much ado about nothing.  I am always amazed that these people can talk for four hours about something that isn’t even real, but I still listen fascinated.  


Anxious Kaley said...

I really can appreciate when you're speaking of your father and referring to him as "the feel good police". I call my husband the police all the time. Our loved ones watch every little action and link it with our larger issues. It sounds as if things are going well for you. I'm really enjoying the honest and conversational tone of your blog.

KathyA said...

Me? I'm hot. Was just outside watering and am soaked (and not because I turned the hose on myself!)
It was 94° by 10 this morning and the humidity is high -- not that I'm complaining -- just marveling how 4 months ago we were still up to our schnutzes in 70" of snow!
The heat must have addled me because I had to re-read your opening three times before I realized it was your neighbor that was deceased and NOT the cat. Couldn't understand why you'd be feeding a dead kitty!! It's going to be one of those days, Jonathan!

Sharon said...

I can understand where your Dad is coming from though. I mean, you yourself have complained about the caffeine from the sodas giving you anxiety, so his worries for you are quite valid. As is his worry about you saving up your pills. As time goes by and he sees you doing the right things, his worries should ease and he'll let up on you.

Leaking Moonlight said...

Hey, Andrew! Today I am a bit upset, dealing with someone who has scores of reasons for his own behavior that directly blame other folks. Sigh.

I must look out at the summer sky today and count my blessings one by one.

(Thanks for asking and letting me drop that ick off my shoulders.)

glittermom said...

You didnt say how your dr. appt. went...were you able to talk to him honestly about how you have been feeling?

Anonymous said...

As the mother of a child with mental illness/alcoholism I can relate to your Dad Andrew.
I worry constantly about my daughter, will she drink, will she hurt herself, will she take off? I live in fear of answering the telephone, I have nightmares. But most of all I worry about what will happen to her if something happens to me? Who will look after her then? She's almost 30 and this has been my life for the last 8 years. No peace, no rest.

Beth said...

I'm hoping you took the lunchtime Klonopin without incident and resisted the urge to hoard it. You DO have control over those urges, Jonathon: you have shown that by continuing to not drink and to go to AA. You will feel better in the afternoon if you take them as prescribed.

Heating up here finally with temps forecast for the low 100s this weekend. Can't complain: we have had such a cool early summer. I expect August will be a killer month, alas.

I understand Dad not wanting the boat to be rocked very much. It gets harder to deal with the hiccups that come along, I've found. With my daughter, it always seems to be SOMETHING. Now she has edema in her legs, probably resulting from a staph infection she still has in one of them. She had her purse -- and her Valium -- stolen over the weekend, and has been without for five days. Dr. has given her enough until next refill, and she's done really well with anxiety, but I know it's a relief to have it there even if she doesn't need to take it.

It's hard to watch her cope, though: we were in Walmart (she always has a cart to hold onto even if we aren't getting much)and she had an anxiety attack, with spiders crawling all over her (imaginary). She was able to slow her breathing and calm down and banish them very quickly and I was very proud of her for doing that. Me, I hated seeing her feel them.

One day at a time. That's all we ever have, any of us. What we do with it is up to us.


justLacey said...

"One day at a time. That's all we ever have, any of us. What we do with it is up to us."
So true! I like that.

Leann said...

Lucky is fortunate to have you.

Sweet Virginia Breeze said...

Tuna and cheese - Lucky is a very lucky cat to have you as a neighbor. Hope you had a good day.

Summer said...

I posted something for you tonight.

Happyone :-) said...

My dog Sam didn't like other dogs but liked cats.:-) She grew up with a cat and I think she thought she was a cat!! I sure miss my Sammy!