Saturday, June 5, 2010

A Scenario of the Past Few Days…

Each day would start the same.  I am sleeping very well thank God!  I go to bed after dad brings medications.  Sleep a whole night.  And then another dreaded day would begin.  It would start with me driving over to get my precious six diet Cokes for the day.  I would come home and relish them – taking such solace in that ritual.  Then the mental anguish would start.   I would get so stir-crazy. I couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute or two until I was walking and pacing the floor.  I would try to watch t.v. This would sometimes prove fruitless.   I would have hours of a day to pass doing just this – this maddening pacing and walking of the floor.  I was in such mental anguish that I couldn’t sit still.  I couldn’t find comfort in anything, the internet, the radio, the t.v., nothing. 

Today has been a big change.  I’ve been online for most of the day.  I even tweeted some after a many month absence.  This is just amazing!  I am able to take some comfort in the weather, online life, and various other interests.

You know something telling?  I know smoking is bad for you.  I am also aware of the alarming statistics at the number of schizophrenic people who smoke.  I have smoked like crazy this week.  I have gone through a whole carton in just days.  It is also maddening.  I can’t or dad can’t afford this.  It seemed to be my only comfort for my crazy mind this past week.   


Anonymous said...

For right now take your comforts as you find them. A couple of cartons of cigarettes will not bankrupt you or your dad. Just keep thinking only for now.

I missed you when you werent posting. and even dont have to believe but i do in the the power of prayer

best wishes

PipeTobacco said...


Monetarily, pipe tobacco is cheaper than cigarettes, so perhaps that is an option to consider.


justLacey said...

Maybe your medications are beginning to work. Hope fully this is just one of many better days ahead. Sometimes I think I will go stir crazy myself and with George gone you are alone most of the time. You know your episodes always pass and this one shall too. Hang in there.

Cheryl said...

I was so happy to get a message from you. Thank you! I'm glad yesterday was a good day. There's more from where that came from :)

amelia said...

Try doing your walking thing with Maggie. It might release tension and Maggie will love it!!