Each day would start the same. I am sleeping very well thank God! I go to bed after dad brings medications. Sleep a whole night. And then another dreaded day would begin. It would start with me driving over to get my precious six diet Cokes for the day. I would come home and relish them – taking such solace in that ritual. Then the mental anguish would start. I would get so stir-crazy. I couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute or two until I was walking and pacing the floor. I would try to watch t.v. This would sometimes prove fruitless. I would have hours of a day to pass doing just this – this maddening pacing and walking of the floor. I was in such mental anguish that I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t find comfort in anything, the internet, the radio, the t.v., nothing.
Today has been a big change. I’ve been online for most of the day. I even tweeted some after a many month absence. This is just amazing! I am able to take some comfort in the weather, online life, and various other interests.
You know something telling? I know smoking is bad for you. I am also aware of the alarming statistics at the number of schizophrenic people who smoke. I have smoked like crazy this week. I have gone through a whole carton in just days. It is also maddening. I can’t or dad can’t afford this. It seemed to be my only comfort for my crazy mind this past week.