Today is the day. I am nervous already. I am hoping for anxiety solutions, but my doctor is notoriously hard to convince and apprehensive about prescribing me new medications. I can only hope for the best. Dad and I are leaving at 9:45am to drive down. I am going to ask that my father sit in the lobby while I talk to my psychiatrist. He is going to balk immensely, though, most likely admonishing me for hiding things from him. I want to be able to talk candidly and honestly about my problems with my doctor without worrying about alarming dad and suffering any repercussions. Dad will often speak for me during these sessions and I want to have a voice today.
Yesterday was okay. Honestly, I am learning to live with the anxiety. I lay in the bed all day yesterday watching television to fight off the anxiety and it leaves me with little to talk about this morning. Mom brought my groceries yesterday. She buys me the same things every week. The same variety of Marie Callender frozen meals. The same poptarts. The same sandwich fixins. The same variety of Chef Boyardee. I need to go to the grocery store with her to start getting more variety. I just haven’t felt like it lately.
On a positive note, we will most likely eat at the Western Sizzlin in Opelika for lunch. Dad often drives down there on his lunch break from the pharmacy to get the grilled chicken plate and loves it. I will get a steak and baked potato and relish it. I will also enjoy a salad piled high with lots of garnishments. I can already taste that blue cheese dressing now.
I got another letter from jail in the mail from George yesterday. It was so good to hear from him. The letter was mostly about sex and his lack thereof. He says he still can’t get used to the open toilet in his cell and hates to use the bathroom while his cellmate watches and laughs. George wrote that the prison food had given him the most terrible case of gas. That made me smile the way George wrote about it. I will have to transcribe one of his letters in a few days when I feel up to the task. George was also talking about how inept his lawyer was during the trial and that he got the short end of the stick.
My anxiety from yesterday eased up around 8pm and I didn’t want to go to bed last night I was feeling so much better. I stayed up till 11pm watching more TV and the weather. I am sleepy and drowsy this morning.