I am feeling tons of anxiety, but I won’t belabor you all with it. I get as tired of bitchin’ and moanin’ about it as you all do hearing about it. I am just going to have to learn to live with it it seems. I just feel this terrible knot in my stomach like impending doom.
Got another letter from George today. He is growing prolific. In it, he talked about how bad the prison food is and how his mother has been supplementing his diet with money for the commissary. I called Mrs. Florene and thanked her for that. She was all interested in how I was doing today – ever mindful of others and not herself.
Tonight may end my smoking career. I am on my last pack and dad apparently didn’t get my message yesterday that I needed more. He was still sick last night and I didn’t press the issue – just choosing to let it slide. My anxiety today is forcing me not to call for more. I worry I will have extra anxiety from quitting, but I guess it won’t kill me. I’ve been saying that a lot about my anxiety lately. It won’t kill me. It’s true but hard to put into practice when you feel like shit.
Lots of storms starting to fire around us. North Alabama is getting hit hard this hour with severe warnings coming out every few minutes. I get so excited about this as I said yesterday. The storms and rain bring me joy and break up the monotony that can be my day.
It is grocery day and I am running low on food. I ate two tins of fish steaks with mustard for lunch. I added extra mustard to “spice” it up some. It was pretty good to my surprise. I have one can left and I am officially out of food except for a loaf of bread in the freezer. I need to get it out and defrost. I could always make mayonnaise sandwiches if I got hungry.