Friday, June 18, 2010

A Lick Away From Happiness…

I laughed and giggled uproariously this morning when I woke up to Maggie licking my hair vigorously.  “Crazy dog!!!” I exclaimed as I sleepily lay in the bed and pulled the covers closer to me.  Maggie loves to do this and it often happens in my sleep.  My hair will be all crazy afterwards sticking up in every wild direction wet. I rolled over and gave her a big hug and she was like, “Hey! You’re interrupting me!  We’ve gotta give you a bath!”  I love her so much and would let her get away with anything.  Dad says I have her totally spoiled and she doesn’t mind – not doing what you tell her to.  He couldn’t get her off the couch last night.  She just wanted to be near him.   I just want her to have a good life. I just don’t feel the need to exert control or dominance over her like my father does. 

I feel good again this morning and it so nice, so very nice.  Mornings are a joy.  Mornings are Coast to Coast AM, peaceful minds, and diet Cokes.  It is a very, very unique thing for me to feel peace of mind – very unique.  I tend to go downhill around 1pm to 2pm though, but it is livable compared to my past experiences with anxiety.  The anxiety eases up late in the evening for some strange reason on it’s own usually around 7pm.  This happens every day.  I realize this is a medication issue, but don’t know what to really do about it.  I have little control of my healthcare.  I am to see my psychiatrist again soon (maybe next week?) and will press the issue vehemently.  Maybe I need a higher dosage of Klonopin to take. 

I spent most of yesterday watching TV and not in my computer room thus the lack of blog posts.  It is so novel for me being able to sit still for hours like that to watch these shows.  Just sitting still is something of a major feat for me.  I watched two hours of Las Vegas, two hours of Cold Case, three hours of Law and Order, and an hour of Bones.  I had nothing else to do.  Have you ever noticed how many Cop shows there are on TV?  Dad says TV is murder central compared to the actual small amount of murders that occur in the real world.

Dad dropped one of my Klonopin outside last night walking up my steps.  We couldn’t find it for anything and it worried him.  Dad worried I would find it and save it for tonight thus getting extra medications.  I found it early this morning hiding under the ivy growing up my steps and took it.  It will be interesting to see how this affects my anxiety today taking a morning dose. I am praying it will make a big difference.  I am going to try and talk dad into letting me save one Klonopin every day for the mornings.  He fears I will save them up and get “drunk”.  He won’t let me out of his sight until I have taken my medications every night.  He has to see me physically swallow them.  He then waits thirty minutes for them to take affect while we watch TV and he watches me, and then we do Maggie’s food ritual (which she gets so excited about).  Every night, dad pours out Maggie’s old food and gives her fresh kibbles while I put fresh water in her bowl. 

It is sooooo nice having a fast computer again.  I didn’t realize how slow it had gotten until I reinstalled Vista the other night which took hours with all the service packs. I reinstalled the bare minimum of programs I needed to keep it fast and lean.  Email.  Window’s Live Writer for the Blog. Anti-virus and that’s it.  Oh, and Twhirl for Twitter. I am having to strongly resist installing uTorrent fearing it is a major source of malware.  Torrents can be rife with viruses that anti-virus programs don’t often pick up.

Dad and I had bacon and biscuits again this morning.  Mom had gotten me some Smucker’s strawberry preserves and we both agreed the biscuits and preserves was a delicious addictive combination.  I sleepily sat at the kitchen table as dad brought our plates after frying the bacon and baking the biscuits.  He was in a good mood – in good spirits.  He has almost completely recovered from his illness.   We didn’t talk much this morning just choosing to be quiet and together.  The only thing dad kept talking about was getting my hair cut by a good barber.  “I am going with you in support,” he told me knowing of my phobia of haircuts and the close contact intimacy involved.  We have just about gotten my severe case of dandruff cleared up with my daily showers and the prescription shampoo thus paving the way to a haircut I sorely need.   


skinny minny said...

biscuts and bacon sounds yummy! That is one thing I like about my job on Sundays...I work at a restuarant as a cook and Sunday morning we have a smal buffet with biscuits and gravy on it I love having to test them to make sure they are up to snuff :) I have love/hate relationship with haircuts hate spending the money to get a good one but love having someone else shampoo my hair. how is the morning klonopin working for you today? I hope if it helps your doctor and dad will agree to the slight change.

Jopan said...

i know how you feel, i've not had a hair cut for at least a year. i don't like people touching me, so its a terrible experience for me. luckily a family friend is a hair dresser and he knows about my 'strange aversion to human contact'.

Mary K said...

Your post is making me smile. You sound happy and at peace.

I'm glad you and Maggie have each other. When Pablo was alive I was notoriously bad about instilling any discipline. It was almost like he carried a small piece of my soul within him. Peaches is a different kind of dog - independent, fearless, and very focused and smart. Pablo was a dope but he was my snuggle bunny who accepted me no matter what.
I couldn't even walk him on a leash and he had a bark that was shrill enough to shatter glass. It's almost been a year without him and I still miss him.
Sorry, didn't mean to blog crash there. I had a point...let's see...
Yes, dogs see us as their family and just want to be where we are. So I don't see it as spoiling Maggie to have her near to you whenever you can.
I take a klonopin at lunch to keep things level so I don't get freaked in the afternoon. Seems like afternoons are harder on me, too. Makes sense to spread them out if that will help in the long run.
Right now my hair is less than an inch long at any point on my head. In contrast to my teenage years with the huge hair or the waist length curls, the short do is much easier on my RA riddled hands. I'm also trying to grow out all the artificial color so I can see what I am naturally. Used to be dirty blond but it's looking more and more like salt and pepper gray under there now.

Sheri said...

The unconditional love of a dog is a wonderful thing.