I was just a little surprised when mom handed me two large bags of McDonald’s food yesterday evening on fast food Monday’s. In the sacks were four double cheeseburgers, two apple pies, and two large fries. “I just wanted to make sure you have enough food!” my mother said gleefully before driving off. I smiled and walked back inside after she carefully handed me three 20oz diet Cokes. Mom can be a tad obsessive compulsive as I have said before. Maggie got a cheeseburger and fries and I carefully and slowly ate my food to stave off the bulimia that so plagues me. It took me several hours to eat all that. I just can’t get too full or the urge to purge is overwhelming.
I had another anxiety attack yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t as bad as they normally are. It was survivable. I lay on the bed for two hours looking at the ceiling until it passed. They say in online literature that they usually only last 20 or 30 minutes. Mine belie that. Mine usually last for hours and it can sometimes be excruciating. My biggest worry yesterday was that I got dehydrated during it and my contacts stuck to my eyeballs and my throat was so dry it was disconcerting. I felt like I couldn’t swallow or breathe.
I got yet another letter in the mail from George yesterday. Mrs. Florene sent him money to buy a small radio in the commissary. He said he is learning to listen to “white man’s” rock music as the only station he can pick up is a rock station on the Gulf Coast. I smiled and laughed. George sounded so well and wasn’t so morose in this letter. He says he keeps hoping for early parole though and is on his best behavior. I do hope he gets out soon. My social life took a nosedive when he went to jail. I have been a lonely man since. I kind of went into mourning over George’s incarceration for a few months there.
I attended the AA meeting at East Baptist Liberty Assoc. in Lafayette, Alabama last night. It was at 8pm and I had to rush home not to miss dad and my medications. My worries were unfounded when it wasn’t until 10pm when dad arrived. It was a good, but very small meeting. We closed early when everyone had had their say. Something that doesn’t often happen in AA meetings in my experience.
I have made the decision to just concentrate on going back to college instead of returning to work. I will meet with the vocational rehab social worker on the 17th, but will most likely not start return to work classes. I mainly just want something positive to do. My days can be so long with little to do in this little Southern town. I am going to take Music Appreciation as my first class. Dad is all for it, says he will pay, and wants me to be happy. He is actually more excited about this than I am. He thinks an education is so important.
I have gotten Dad on watching the television show, Bones. Every night, we have to tune in and watch for at least thirty minutes until he leaves. He thinks Bones is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen. “I love her jaw line,” dad said last night. “She is such a striking woman.” We both love the pseudo romantic interactions between Bones, the forensic scientist, and the FBI agent, Boothe.