Monday, May 24, 2010

This and That…

  • I refused to take my Zyprexa last night.  Sadly, I fear dad is only worried about medications that will make me more malleable and controllable.   My mother and I are easier to handle when we are sleeping all the time.  I don’t want to live the rest of my life in a drowsy haze or funk.  I would rather be crazy and deal with the symptoms of mental illness.  So were are back to square one again and have a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday morning.   Dad was irate last night throwing about all sorts of insinuations and threats.  I wouldn’t budge. 
  • I started painting last night.  The outside will wait until we get some sub ninety degree days.  I am currently painting all this natural looking pine trim in my home.  I hate the way it looks.   Charlie was dismayed at my decision to do this.  He thinks this pine trim is one of the better aspects of my home’s interior.   I think it looks ugly and dated.
  • While I slept all last week, I hung heavy, thick curtains in my back bedroom.  Dad began calling it the “cave”.  This is Maggie’s new favorite spot to snooze during the day.  It is quiet, cool, and dark.  
  • In a strange twist of events, dad actually told me to stop going to AA.  He thought it was too much pressure on me.  He told this to my psychiatrist last week and Dr. K got wide eyed.  “He just can’t do all that!” he told the doctor.

26 comments:

Beth said...

Good god -- stop going to AA? I hope your doc has a few comments on that. I understand your social anxieties, but AA helps you keep your focus on your addictions and how to deal with them. Please don't stop going, don't stop the online meetings either. Hang in there as you deal with more potential med changes. You'll be fine.

C.A. said...

Keep fighting the good fight, my friend. Myself being one who dislikes being malleable, I kind of like the idea that you refused the Zyprexa! YOU are the only one who truly knows what you can and cannot do. Remember that. :)

Give Maggie a scratch for me!


Big Hugs....

C.A.

Thomas said...

I think your father is thinking only of himself and not you. This is not a first, we've seen it all through the years. Good for you to not budge on the medication issue. Shame on him, AGAIN, for trying to berate you. That's NOT love. He's a control freak. He thinks he's a doctor. He's only a pharmacist!

AA is not hurting you, your father is.

glittermom said...

Your father does have control issues...He needs to be in control at all times...I am glad that you asserted your own wants..

Happyone :-) said...

It is good that you do what YOU want, but I'm sure your Dad is doing what he thinks is best for you.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

I do think that dad is trying. He may not be right all the time, but I really do think he's making an effort. I know that you're the one with the problem . . . but you have said it yourself - this isn't easy for him, either.

If painting all that pine trim in the house turns out to be a really ugly mess - you can always remove the paint! It takes some work, but it can be done. Besides, you're the one living with it. It should suit you, not Charlie.

Keep up with the AA as best you can. Just don't let it wear you down. You have choices to make. Think carefully and make good choices, Andrew. If AA will prevent some bad choices - then GO TO AA!!

And - just because Maggie is not moving is no excuse for painting her!!

Love ya,
Grannie

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

I think you *do* know what is best. You do not wish to be in a mental fog of chemically induced sleep... hell you would be akin to Rip Van Winkle.

As for AA, my opinion is to go if you enjoy it, don't go if you dislike it. That however, is true for most anything.... if you like it, do it in moderation, if you don't like it... don't do it and don't let anyone force you into it come hell-or-high water.

PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

Mary K said...

I don't like the idea that your dad would want you to keep taking a med that makes you sleep all the time. That just isn't right. There are tons of crazymeds out there. This one doesn't work for you. Big deal. He should get over it and move on to helping you find one that does.
Also, I don't know if you've noticed but you do a list format when you're on this drug. I noticed you started doing it after you started back taking it. I dunno. I think your p-doc can do better.

Leann said...

I have to agree. If the AA is doing you good and it's not a burden to go then continue on. If it is a burden and you can't get motivated to go, well then perhaps you should not. I certainly cannot blame you for not wanting to sleep your life away.

(M)ary said...

I am ALL ABOUT heavy curtains! I have them in one bedroom and the living room. The thermal curtain in the bedroom blocks light and that helps keep the room cool on these sunny days. I can pull it back and let the light in so it is an optional cave....

Sharon said...

I think it's ironic that YOU are the one who wants to go to AA and your Dad doesn't want you to! Talk about major role reversal! Look, there are so many different medications out there, you shouldn't be forced to take something that makes you sleep all the time. As a pharmacist surely your Dad knows this. I think you're doing the right thing by being proactive about your own health and well being, good for you. And, by the way, I just saw a decorating show on HGTV the other nght where they painted over the dark wood trim with white paint, calling the wood "dated". Didn't know you were so current, did you? :)

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Wednesday is doctor day, right? Hope he will let you speak your mind and explain what is going on inside your skull. That's the only way he will be able to help figure out the right combinations for ya! I really want you to be able to get the point across so that this crap can get straightened out. How do we get back to where you were several weeks ago? Am I wrong . . or weren't you doing pretty well there for quite a while? What changed?

Brought to you tonight by the letter "L" . . . Love,
Grannie

Anonymous said...

Where are you?Hope you are feeling better and just relaxing.....
Write soon....
With lots of best wishes...
From India

Anonymous said...

Andrew;

Its Wednesday and I miss you ! Do what is right for you. Sleeping your life away is NOT a good choice, and you are right in fighting it. As to the painting, do what makes YOU happy. I just painted 6 garden chairs in the brightest colors I could find. It made me happy. The neighbors arent too sure, but they can go whistle.
Hugs
Sandie

Lottie said...

Hey there... trying not to be worried about you... hope you're doing okay. Thinking about you...

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Yep, I'm getting concerned, too! Take care of you and Maggie. Be sure to give her a hug from me!

Love ya,
Grannie

mago said...

? Wake up now. You should not gulp that paint!

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

I am worried and suspicious that you may have gotten into the "sleep state" from the Zyprexa where you are sleeping away all your days, fairly oblivious to the world around you.

I hope that you are ok and that you may awaken enough to write again.

PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

This IS The Fun Part! said...

PipeTobacco and I are thinking along the same lines . . either that or you have fallen off the ladder in the yard and no one will listen as Maggie attempts to get help for you!

We're all concerned and just want a little reassurance that things are at least semi-normal! Email me if I can help in any way!

Love ya,
Grannie

kristi said...

Andrew, are you okay????

pattycakes said...

just put a short message to say u are ok but not up to blogging ok
we are all worried
hugs :)

Anonymous said...

Plssss .... just a few words....

From India

Lena said...

We all worry and wait. See how many people care about you?

I hope to see a post soon.

God Bless.

LM said...

Miss you, Andrew.

韋于倫成 said...

blog不錯唷~我會常常來看的~加油~!! .........................

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Missing you. And worrying.

Love ya,
Grannie