Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Proverbial Bull in the AA China Shop…

This kind of shit just drives my social anxieties crazy! I abhor this kind of crap on my blog and hesitated to even respond.

It seems to me, from what you've said, that you want to try it the AA way this time because every other way has left you in complete and utter misery and you've gone "back out".

So, it would seem that you should want to take the suggestions from AA. The suggestions that have worked for millions of other people.

And, it also seems like you post a lot of these ridiculous statements to either get a rise out of people or to have them co-sign your bullshit that a sponsor would never put up with. Sure, you can get by without a sponsor and without taking suggestions, but then why would you only want to "get by"?

This all seems like a lot of attention-seeking behavior. I suppose if that's what you wanted, that's what you've got now. Along with a lot of bad advise. The great thing about AA is that no one will give you advise, they will share what their experience has done for them. That's the beauty of being connected and working a program of recovery with a sponsor. =)

-Katie

This comment exemplifies the kind of person I abhor in AA.  I’ve seen it a lot over the years. The stodgy over opinionated old timer that thinks it’s their way or no way.  It makes me not want to go to AA.  The program should be simple -- not hard and mean spirited as this comment came across to me.   It happens often in the AA meetings I attend in town with Philip the all knowing AA patriarch there and his cadre of grouchy old stodgy men.  That’s why I like to go to Lagrange for my meetings mostly when I can afford the gas.

As far as attention seeking, I am searching for answers and asking questions.  My posts on AA are intended to explore my issues I have with the program.  It is my blog after all – a place all about me and my life.  I am sharing my experience with others which is so important to the program of AA.  I have severe social anxieties – severe enough where it is often hard for me to go out of my home.  I am much, much less likely to attend AA with people like you confronting me about such things in such an overly abrupt way.   People like you and Phillip and his cadre make me want to say to hell with it all – let’s all get a drink because the program and the people involved suck.   

15 comments:

Manifesting Mini Me (MMM) said...

I sometimes need attention -- when ppl refer to "attention seeking behavior" it seems to have an ulterior, debasing meaning. But, I really don't think that needing and seeking attention ought to be a stigma - it should be a very heartfelt human need and pursuit.
I really enjoy reading your blog -- used to visit on a regular basis and after about a years absence, dropped by today to check out your latest endeavors--- it seems like you are doing great! You never used to post a picture of yourself and I'm glad to see that you did (plus the videos). It's really nice to put a face to the writings.

Take care!

Beth said...

Just as with all of life, there are nice people in AA and there are mean people. You can go to AA, never drink again, and still be an unpleasant person who pretty much acts just s/he did when drinking, without the booze -- a 'dry' drunk.

When I was going to AA -- and it has been many years since I attended meetings -- I lived the program without a sponsor, listened to many stories, much advice (and I ALWAYS heard advice at an AA meeting), and did a lot of reading and soul-searching. Nearly 28 years later, I still live the program every single day. I think it is a marvelous blueprint for life regardless of your addiction -- and everyone has some kind of addiction.

Did I do it according to the 'rules'? No. Yes, I would be looked down at by some of the 'professional' AA-ers -- ones who you see at all the meetings, all the events, and who are a bit full of themselves and judgmental if you don't 'work the program' according to the way they think it should be worked. But I don't drink, I'm a good, caring person who lives a full life and helps others, and I'm happy. That doesn't suck, regardless of how I got here.

Don't drink or use. Go to meetings, share when you can. Talk to us, listen to stories, and work the program. You do it one day at a time. And it works. If you screw up, get up and start over.

Hang in there.
Beth

Anonymous said...

i hope that you can just forget when you got comments that upset you. i am glad that you got a new camera for you. it was sweet of you to stay with your mom when she had such a bad panic attack.it reminded me that i needed to take my anti anxiety medication before mom and bret and i go shopping.i hope that you have a good day. liz

~Vital~ said...

Andrew, ignore this person. Sounds like to me, that Ms. Katie is also in need of anger management classes. I mean really, why all the hostility? What is it to her if something works or doesn't work for you?

Maybe Katie needs to call her sponsor to talk this one out. Obviously, she is cranky about something.

Sorry Andrew, but I have a problem with rude overbearing people. I tend to call them out.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Andrew for sharing this crap with us. I'm with you, who needs it...you are doing fine.
It's good to see what other's share.
Don't worry, just one opinion.

Hap Joy Free said...

there are idiots in every facet of life, not just AA. Controlling people who feel the need to tell you how youre doing it wrong. Look around your family, Im sure you have at least one.

AA is no different. They all have opinions. The question is, why let what one total stranger says bother you?

Live and let live.

Wanda said...

Andrew, I've been reading for a couple of years now. I don't comment because of your social anxieties, I just didn't want to cause you to suffer. But I'm going to comment today and hope for the best for you.
Don't let one commentor get to you. It is obvious that she just "dropped in" or just really didn't care what impact her words would have. I had in-laws that paranoid/schizophrenic, that doesn't make them bad people, that makes them people with an illness. We treat people with cancer much nicer than we do people with mental illness and yet they are both just that-illnesses. Neither are contagious but we treatment mental illness like it is contagious, we are afraid of it and it doesn't help that the media jumps on this bandwagon when one person jumps out and does something stupid and ends up killing people.
It's true their are medicines to treat mental illness but sadly just like cancer they don't cure the illness. If one is really lucky they control the illness but unfortunately that is not always the case. We as a people need to have more empathy and understanding and not be so presumptiously judgmental of those that are fighting this battle.
Sorry to be so long-winded, I just wanted you to know that some of us do care and only want the best for you.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Hi Andrew ~ I would say AA is like most anything else....you get out of it what you're willing to invest in it. AA saved my uncle's life so many many years ago. At 1 in the morning when he wanted a drink so bad he couldn't stand it, his sponsor would drive over to his house and they would sit up all night, talking, playing cards...whatever it took to get my uncle over that bump in the road. This is a very old organization that's been proven to work. Open up your mind and don't get discouraged. As for Katie...I don't believe she meant any disrespect to you Andrew. Sometimes its hard to read something in the frame of mind it was written in. I sincerely believe she was hoping to help you by stating that sponsorship is beneficial and important, even though its not 100% necessary.
Hang in there ~

This IS The Fun Part! said...

1 - This is your blog. You say what you want to say.
2 - You get to choose the subject, too!
3 - You get to decide what comments get published - OR NOT!
4 - When you feel bad about one response, delete it and then read all these others from your friends who love you!

Grannie

Joy Heather said...

Hi Andrew..dont let people like Katie upset you, you are doing really well. AA does some great work, some folk find a sponsor helpful..others dont..its your Life & your Blog..my daughter attended lots of meetings and read/reread the twelve steps..and shared her thoughts with a close friend and myself, but not a sponsor..we used to discuss the meetings & the book together (the friend also had been helped by A.A. some years before)My daughter has been fine for many years now...but it is up to you what you feel happiest with..i hate people who have to be so RUDE when they come on someones blog..so unnecessary..like taking a sledge hammer to crack an egg..dont let folk like that upset you..they are just not worth the energy...Hugs to you & Maggie, Joy

Sharon said...

Don't let one self-righteous nay sayer put you into a funk. I know AA uses guidelines that work for the majority of people. But even with programs that have a great track record, they need to remember that they're dealing with individuals. All individuals have a choice to embrace the parts of the program that work for them, and reject the parts that don't. That's YOUR choice, not theirs. The important thing is for you to stick with your sobriety - HOW you get there isn't as important as the sobriety itself.

Summer said...

I think you may know my sense of humor by now. So let me just say this....Misanthropes...become a fan.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me you can't stand when someone tells you that you are wrong. Ya know what? Sometimes there is only one way. Guess what else? Sometimes it's NOT your way.

You say you are asking questions and searching for answers etc, but when you get an answer you don't like, you bitch about it, attack the person who commented, then whine about your "social anxieties". You bring it on yourself.

You seem very intelligent at times, but then you pull this "my social anxieties" This, and "my addiction" that. You use them as a crutch. It's all over your writing, which never changes.

You mentioned saving your klonipin when charlie brought it so you could take 6 at a time, so casually, then lied about how you were "just kidding" when someone called you on it.

I found it amusing that you had a video blog about George and how it was good to teach him a lesson by staying in jail and how he could have killed someone.

That's the very same thing I said about your mother...you know, the one you just proclaimed to be an "xanax addict" a few weeks ago. The woman who you let drive around the neighborhood high.

You don't really want answers. You just want this tiny group of people to keep giving you "attaboys" to make you feel better.

Go ahead Jonathon, make another blog about how "fragile" you are. It's all a bunch of crap. You know exactly what you are doing. You may have some fooled, but you don't have me fooled.

justLacey said...

Shame on you Andrew for wanting people around you that make you feel better. What are you thinking?
lol
Great post from Beth.

Joy Heather said...

I agree with 'just Lacey' Andrew..why would you want someone to comment who makes you feel better ??..surely it is far better to have some one rant,rave and demean you (or try to..as your bigger than that)..and never see any good in your accomplishments...someone who would make you want to give up..instead of carry on fighting even though you fall occasionaly, as we all do...i wonder if Anonymous is actually Katie ??..one never knows these things when they are anonymous !!!..good on you for posting it anyway...sadly any of the valid points that anon made..were lost in the rudness and unnecessary anger..another one who would prefer to use a slegehammer to crack an egg..and understands little about the fragility of mental illness.