These things all get my social anxieties in a stir. I feel so much better after my call to dad a moment ago to cancel my appointment today. The anxiety I was experiencing so acutely this morning has melted away. I had really gotten into a stir this morning over all that. It is strange how my mind works. Dr. B will get right in your face to check your eyes. All the contraptions. I panic. “He’s looking at all my physical flaws,” I will think. One of the cornerstones of social anxiety is that you can’t stand out from the crowd or look different – never draw attention to yourself. I can’t stand someone to be so close to me as well – to be right in my face. His breath will always reek of garlic and food. He will make countless small talk during the exam asking me all about my family and my siblings. All things that just send me into social anxiety hell.
I just quickly drove over to get my six diet Pepsi for the morning. The first thing I did when I got home was to look on the can for the caffeine content. It is half of that of diet Coke. 33mg per 12 fluid ounce. I feel safer now drinking them. I have them in the freezer at the moment getting cold. I am going to savor them this morning over the next few hours drinking them slowly as I listen to my morning radio programs. I just can’t drink all the regular Coca-Cola I have left from my birthday shopping spree. Too much sugar and too much caffeine.