Attitude of Gratitude…
I had a really good day yesterday mentally and for that I am thankful. I never know what the fickle winds of mental illness will bring me everyday. I try not to dwell too much about it on the blog. I want this a positive place to come to. I am also very thankful for mom last night. She came over here lonesome and wanted me to go with her to Sonic to get some banana splits. They were delicious and we had the best talk in the car as we ate. I talked her into trying a cherry limeade and it is her new favorite drink.
Phone Phobias Arise…
Mrs. Florene called me last night. She had an argument with her sister and needed to vent. It was over some property that needs to be sold which was her mother’s. Mrs. Florene must have talked an hour as I just lay on the bed and listened. The Gods were looking out for me though. My cordless phone began to die. “What’s that beeping?” Mrs. Florene asked. I quickly got off the phone and sighed in relief. Aren’t I terrible? She’s such a good friend – almost like family and I shouldn’t feel that way. I just hate talking on the phone. It makes me anxious.
Feet Dragging AA Time…
I went to the noon AA meeting yesterday. I have so much trouble sitting through a whole meeting though. At one point, I got up under the guise I was using the bathroom and sat outside the old church smoking. It was your standard share meeting and lots of people had lots of interesting things to say, but my attention span is shot to hell these days. I think it has to do with the copious amount of medications I am on these days. I was so glad when the meeting was over and I could drive home. Dad is absolutely amazed I am still going to these meetings despite my social anxieties. He asks me every night how they went and what we discussed.
A Dollar a Day Keeps the AA Naysayers Away…
As mom and I sat eating our banana splits last night in the car, she asked me what was the most socially anxious part of going to AA for me. She so wants me to keep going. She says she can tell such a difference in me lately.
“Passing that donation basket on without putting a dollar in as everyone in the room watches,” was my reply.
“Do they take checks?” mom asked. “I will write a check for thirty dollars for the month for you to put in the basket.”
“I’ve never seen it done,” I replied. “I don’t know how they will handle that.”
“I am just going to start putting a dollar in with your cokes every morning,” mom said. “Don’t dare tell your father and don’t dare save up the money to buy beer.”
I smiled and got excited. This would solve one of the biggest obstacles I have to going to AA these days – that socially anxious moment when moneyless me passes on the basket. Mom sure is putting a lot of trust in me. This is a good sign and I MUST handle it responsibly. This morning was the first time I held a dollar bill in months.
It is Always Something…
I’ve noticed my home theater just was not sounding right. The low frequency effects channel was acting all wonky ergo my subwoofer was acting up. I turned down the volume and began to investigate. I turned my huge subwoofer on it’s side and there is a big hole in the speaker. “Damnit!” I exclaimed in frustration. I paid $300 for that subwoofer alone. Now I have to go through the convoluted process of getting a new subwoofer. I will have to get one of “The Girls” at the pharmacy to order me one and sweet talk dad into spending the money. This is not going to be easy and I don’t relish the thought or the process. I am a determined son of bitch though and will get it. I just have to be nagging and diligent. I can’t have a good home theater without a proper subwoofer.
Is Christmas Coming Early?
I wish it was. I’ve been extremely excited about the new Apple iPad. I have scoured the web reading reviews and checking prices. Dad asked me last night what I thought I would like for Christmas next year and i told him an iPad. He asked what it cost and I told him $500 dollars. He scoffed and said that would put me right at the limit of what I am allowed to spend every year. “What are you going to do with it?” he asked. I mainly would love to sit in my den and read blogs without the hassle of my laptop. It would be so convenient. It is also just so damn cool as well.