I am so sensitive – my body that is. I ate breakfast then drank two cups of coffee. Then I had a 20oz regular Coke and a 12oz diet Coke. I got to feeling sick. My head started to swim. I felt dizzy and sleepy. I felt the first tinges of those anxiety attacks I used to have on a regular basis. It really scared me. I had to go lay down and rest for a moment. I started drinking some caffeine free cherry limeade just now and got to feeling better. I have felt so mentally well lately that I don’t want to disrupt this feeling. I must learn moderation in the caffeine I ingest.
Dad was mailing off his taxes for the pharmacy last night and was running very late with my medications. He didn’t get here until 10:30pm.
“You should have seen the check I wrote to the IRS to pay my taxes,” dad told me. “It made me sick. It gets more every year.”
Such things are so foreign to me. I probably haven’t paid taxes in about five to eight years. I can’t remember the last time I filed. Dad’s accountant takes care of all my money issues. I can’t even remember the last time I even paid a bill. Dad takes care of all that for me. Everything seems so transparent.
I told dad last night that mom’s pendulum is swinging. She’s been on a low for weeks and now we are getting on a high. She’s been riding around a lot in her car just to go for drives to get out of the house. Yesterday, she came by and picked me up. She wanted someone to ride with her. We sat at the bank for fifteen minutes before we realized it was closed. It was a classic Martha moment. She’s also taking care of details and bringing me things. Yesterday, she went shopping and bought me new socks, a hair brush, and razor blades. Also in the sack was some toothpaste and a new toothbrush. This morning, on the porch with my diet Pepsi, was two big things of paper towels. Details. Mom takes care of them when she is on a high.
“I am dying of thirst,” I told mom yesterday when we were running errands. “Run me by Fat Albert’s and let me get a Gatorade.”
Mom handed me a five dollar bill and let me buy my drinks unsupervised. I was so surprised. Usually, she would have to go in and pay for them. It was the first time I had held money since George went to jail. Mom and dad are so afraid I will keep some of the change and buy Benadryl thus getting hopped up on the pills. Benadryl is only a $1.25 at Fred’s dollar store. I guess they are starting to trust me again. I hope so. I want my parent’s to not be wary of me and money. I want to be responsible so much.