Sunday, April 4, 2010

My Thoughts for the Blogging Day…

No Alcoholic’s Anonymous Last Night…

George never called me back about the AA meeting so I assume he went to his poker game.  I stayed home and waited on Charlie to come.  I have taken a “live and let live” attitude towards George lately.  I don’t judge him knowing all too well the rigors of addiction.  My help is there for the asking, but I can’t babysit him either.  I guess I am not a very good friend it seems.  I should be nagging him to death about meetings. 

Let Go and Let God?

I haven’t slept much the past few nights and joined a midnight online AA meeting.  It was just your standard share meeting, but one poster caught my eye with what she wrote.  She said she was learning to “let go and let God”.   I was confused by this and have heard it before in AA.  Am I not to take an active role in my recovery?  Why just turn my recovery over to God?  I thought we were supposed to pray for God’s will and the strength to carry it out.  I have a tendency to be cynical about AA when it concerns the saying that we were powerless over alcohol.  I want to think we do have power.  We are taking active steps to recover.  I guess I should always remember progress, not perfection – that it is not a perfect program, nor am I as a person and recovering alcoholic.

Ubuntu Linux Woes… 

One thing I am finding about Ubuntu is that it is growing very buggy and this disappoints me.  I was so excited initially about having a free operation system that was open source.  I am having tons of issues with media and music players and I listen to lots of music and radio on my computer.  Rhythm Box keeps deleting my music library and it takes up to an hour to rebuild it with 320Gb of music.  My iPod is also not playing nice with Ubuntu and I have tried countless programs to get it to work.  I am also getting tons of pops and crackles in my audio even after updating my drivers and trying a different sound card.  Oh well, my initial excited-ness is tarnished and it is back to big brother Windows for me sadly.  I so wanted to be part of the Linux fold.   

Soup du Jour…

I am so enjoying the soup I made yesterday.  I ate a big bowl with some leftover cornbread a minute ago as a late night snack.  My soup is kind of a hodge podge concoction.  I browned some ground beef Charlie got me.  I then added a big can of Veg-All.  I also added two cans of crushed tomatoes.  I love a tomatoey vegetable soup. I then added some frozen okra and some macaroni noodles.  It was delicious.  I love to eat it with lots of Louisiana cayenne hot sauce dashed in.  I also love to cut several wedges of cornbread in half, slather it with butter, and toast it in my toaster oven till it is buttery and crunchy.  I then sprinkle this in my soup.

Medications…

Charlie asked me last night how my medications effect me.  I told him it was kind of like a heroin addict’s methadone.  I feel calm and tingly when they enter my bloodstream.  Often, a sense of giddiness will follow.  I can concentrate better and can focus on tasks such as working on my blog.  It is late in the day when they begin to wear off and I begin to feel so mentally tired and confused.  I will find myself forgetting basic things.  I usually just crawl into the bed and listen to the radio or pace the floors endlessly at the end of the day when I get like this. 

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

the soup sounded so good. i think it is good that you are going to meetings online. it would be easier for me to do that than sit at a regular meeting i think. i hope that you have a blessed day. thanks for letting people do a comment anon. i messed up my google account and it will not let me do anything with it. liz

Joy Heather said...

I think you are right about George, nagging him may make him just dig his heels in more..he knows you are there when he needs you..
It just shows that not all anon commentors want to be nasty..just some of them, its good that Liz is able to comment, i just hope the nasties stay away.
I have a plaque on my wall that says 'Let go & Let God'..i was told it doesn't means dont Pray for situations etc...just dont let them get you so low that you want to give up !!..rather keep praying & let God deal with all the anxieties you may have,..its all the trust thing again..trusting when you give them to him, he will deal with them..but you still have a part to play & pray..after all the Bible tells us to pray without ceasing..this doesn't mean 24/7..but just not to forget to bring your prayers to God....By the way that soup sounded good...have a good weekend..Hugs Joy

mxtodis123 said...

Andrew, I know how much you would love George to change, but he has to WANT to change, and it doesn't sound to me like he does. So, just keep being a good friend to him and it doesn't make you a bad friend by not keeping at him about A/A. The best thing you can do in regards to George is to 'not give up on him', but admit you are powerless. This is up to George now.
Mary

Beth said...

Yeah. What Mary said.

The best thing you can do is to keep on taking care of yourself by going to meetings, either in person or online, and working the steps, one at a time.

"Let go and let God' doesn't mean you aren't taking an active role in recovery. It means that you do all you can do at this moment in time. That is often a full-time job, at least for me. I have to ask my higher power to take care of things I can't control -- like my daughter's choices and actions and feelings -- and focus on my own, over which I DO have some control. Alas, I keep trying to take it back, so it turns out to be a tug of war some days!

Have a good day! Your soup sounds like one I make too, which I adore.

Beth