Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My Thoughts at the End of the Blogging Day…

A Very Busy Day…

Breakfast this morning was awesome.  Mrs. Florene cooked scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese grits, and biscuits.  I ate two plates despite my trepidations with my bulimia.  I especially enjoyed Mrs. Florene’s creamy and rich grits.  She cooked them to perfection.

“Baby?” Mrs. Florene asked me after our meal. “Will you take me to the grocery store?”

I sat in the car and smoked while Mrs. Florene shopped at the Piggly Wiggly.  She said I reminded her of George doing the same thing.

Noon found me sitting in an AA meeting in Lagrange.  Nothing notable happened except I shared.  It was a once in a blue moon occurrence for me.  I talked about wanting my parents to trust me more now that I am sober and going to AA.

“Your parents will trust you more with sobriety and time,” a very nice lady spoke up and told me after the meeting.

I can be so impatient, though.  I want change, NOW!  I want mom and dad to see that I am trying so very hard and I want them to embrace the change in me.

Mom brought my groceries around 3pm and she forgot the batteries for my camera.  Off to Wal-Mart we went to get some things.  Mom and dad needed a new toaster.   Mom has been eating Poptarts for breakfast instead of getting Helen to cook.  Go figure.  I wanted rechargeable batteries and an HDTV antenna for my HDTV.  Mom had a massive, and I mean massive, panic attack in Wal-Mart.   We liked to have never gotten through checkout and home.  She was shaking like a leaf in a gale.  I worried so much about her and sat at the edge of her bed an hour tonight until she was feeling better.  She took three aprazolam and that did the trick. 

I can’t take a lot going on so I am very tired.  Sometimes, I get a wild hair up my butt and want to go back to work, but days like today remind me why I don’t.  I had a full plate and feel exhausted.  Imagine doing this every day.  It sends shivers down my spine.  I am off to lay on the bed and finish Gone with the Wind for a few hours until dad arrives with my medications. 


mxtodis123 said...

Busy days give us less chance to sit and think. Sounds like you hasa good day. I am glad you kept Mrs, Florene company and took her to the store. I know it meant a lot to her. Get some rest, Andrew.

Summer said...

It's good that you are aware of what your limitations are. Though, you may not experience your limitations on a daily basis, you understand the risk of them appearing unexpectedly. I don't know a lot about medications for your anxiety attacks, is there something that you could take on a daily basis that would keep them in check?

I work with people that don't understand their limitations at all. They come to work, they can't do their job, they are in denial about what they can and can't do. But you, are on top of the game, you understand yourself.

Maybe, one day, armed with your knowledge and the right medication, you can and will go back to work and feel good about what you are doing.

I hope so. I want you to be happy.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Good Evening my friend!

What looked like might be a slow, calm day turned into another trial for you! With your particular problems, does practice and more exposure to these things help you or make it worse? Once you have shared at AA, is it easier next time?

I hope mom recovers quickly so that you can stop worrying about today's attack.

I'm like you - I want a magic wand to fix all of this for you both!

Hope dad is in another cheerful mood tonight - and appreciates all that you are doing.

You and Maggie have a good night and I'll talk with you tomorrow.

Love ya,

Cin said...

That breakfast sounds wonderful!! Especially the grits!!

I feel for your Mother. I have awful panic attacks out in public too. Sometimes I look like a mad woman trying to rush out of the store just to get to my car to calm down. Its not fun at all.

Leigh Ann said...

Gone With the Wind is my favorite book:)