Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Thoughts at the End of the Blogging Day…

On AA Sponsorship…

I just returned from an in-town AA meeting.  It was a small, sparsely attended meeting.  During the meeting, the chairperson asked that if anyone needed a sponsor to raise their hands and someone will talk to you.  I sat there looking dumbfounded and then panicked when I thought everyone was looking at me. It was a total paranoid schizophrenic moment.  I almost had a panic/anxiety attack.  I felt as if I was being dishonest by not raising my hand.  I felt in the spotlight. 

I am scared of the intimacy of having a sponsor.  Of having to call on the phone everyday and make small talk.  Many things about it bother me.  I want to be the lone wolf AA attendee.  I also realize I will have to get over my fears and give in.  How will I ever begin to work the twelve steps without help and guidance?  Someone pass the Paxil.  I am going to need it.

9 comments:

mxtodis123 said...

Andrew, The important thing is that you go and you listen. I've never had a sponsor, and I never shared at meetings. I went and I listened. And this July I will have 18 years clean and sober. And there are plenty of wonderful little workbooks out there that help you to work the steps on your own. I enjoy writing so I went through a number of them. Check out the Barnes @ Noble website. They have a lot of good little books if you are interested.
Mary

"G" said...

I love your blog and have been following for a few years. Recently about half of your pictures are not opening for me. Have you changed something or do I need to download something else? I am not very computer-savvy. Thanks!!!

Andrew said...

G, I am guessing my videos are showing up as blank. You need to download Shockware Flash and install it. Try that and see if it works. Hope this helps.

Beth said...

I agree with Mary -- I never had a sponsor either and managed to work the steps. I did share sometimes, and talked with some of the regulars at the meetings I attended, but never with a sponsor. Showing up, listening, and not drinking are what will help you.

There are online workbooks too -- I found these, for instance: http://tinyurl.com/yl5qnya

You also can ask for help/advice/affirmation from a number of us here if you need it.

Just keep going back. Don't drink. Take your meds -- as prescribed. See your doctor. And talk to us.

Beth

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

it doesnt need to be an all or nothing approach andrew.
why not look around for someone who seems like a kind person. preferably with more time rather than less, and just try phoning them?
just say hello and tell them how you are feeling. just like you do so well here. nothing more than that.
just try it and see what happens. they will probably be out when you phone them anyway :)

anyway this will help you find out what phoning ppl is like, and whether you get along.
'contempt prior to investigation' or prejudice in aa. thats what we call it when ppl make decisions about stuff before they try it :)

good luck with it!

This IS The Fun Part! said...

My brother was in AA forever. He told me that no pressure was put on people to have sponsors. It is suggested - not required.

You are fully capable of deciding if or when you want a sponsor. If anyone puts the pressure on - go to whoever is in charge and just point-blank tell him that you prefer NOT to have a sponsor and would appreciate being left alone about it. OR, if you think you may not be able to say it well enough - write it before you even go to the next meeting. You are a wonderful writer - put it on paper, politely explaining it. I don't think you need to give a reason. It's your business, not theirs.

They will be happy to do what is needed to keep you coming to the meetings!

Love ya,
Grannie

Joy Heather said...

When my daughter had problems..she went to meetings..but shared her probs with One of her friends and myself..she didn't have a sponsor, but just needed to talk things that they has spoken about through..and she did have the 12 steps book that we used to discuss...she has been free now for about 16 years.

K said...

It seems to me, from what you've said, that you want to try it the AA way this time because every other way has left you in complete and utter misery and you've gone "back out".

So, it would seem that you should want to take the suggestions from AA. The suggestions that have worked for millions of other people.


And, it also seems like you post a lot of these ridiculous statements to either get a rise out of people or to have them co-sign your bullshit that a sponsor would never put up with.

Sure, you can get by without a sponsor and without taking suggestions, but then why would you only want to "get by"?

This all seems like a lot of attention-seeking behavior. I suppose if that's what you wanted, that's what you've got now. Along with a lot of bad advise. The great thing about AA is that no one will give you advise, they will share what their experience has done for them. That's the beauty of being connected and working a program of recovery with a sponsor. =)

-Katie

Andrew said...

Katie,

Your the kind of person in AA that I find that makes me not want to go -- the stodgy, brutally voiceful old timer or AA know it all. You just gave me lots of advice then saying that people in AA wouldn't give me advice. What's the deal?