“Your father left me some Klonopin for you to take for emergencies,” mom said a moment ago after her hair appointment sitting out in front of my house in her car. “Here’s four for you to take later.”
Mom held out her hand with the pills to hand to me. It was a moment of great decision and indecision.
“Mom, I can’t take all those pills,” I finally said. “I am trying to go to AA and stay sober. Those pills make me feel out of it and high. They make me feel out of control and I will take all four at once.”
“Four’s not going to hurt you,” mom said. “I take three Xanax all the time. Take two now and then take two in two hours that way you won’t feel too out of it.”
It was so very, very tempting. The last time I took four Klonopin was many months ago and it. Felt. Good. I was calm. I was relaxed. I didn’t have a care in the world.
“Just give me two,” I finally decided.
“Call me if you need the other two,” mom said and pulled off almost hitting another car from not looking.
I just shook my head and walked inside setting the two pills on top my entertainment center.
“Your mother can get things in a mess quick,” dad’s often saying played out in my mind.