Friday, April 16, 2010

Mom, The Bad Influence…

“Your father left me some Klonopin for you to take for emergencies,” mom said a moment ago after her hair appointment sitting out in front of my house in her car.  “Here’s four for you to take later.”

Mom held out her hand with the pills to hand to me.  It was a moment of great decision and indecision.

“Mom, I can’t take all those pills,” I finally said.  “I am trying to go to AA and stay sober.  Those pills make me feel out of it and high.  They make me feel out of control and I will take all four at once.”

“Four’s not going to hurt you,” mom said. “I take three Xanax all the time.  Take two now and then take two in two hours that way you won’t feel too out of it.”

It was so very, very tempting.  The last time I took four Klonopin was many months ago and it. Felt. Good.  I was calm.  I was relaxed. I didn’t have a care in the world.

“Just give me two,” I finally decided.

“Call me if you need the other two,” mom said and pulled off almost hitting another car from not looking.

I just shook my head and walked inside setting the two pills on top my entertainment center.

Your mother can get things in a mess quick,” dad’s often saying played out in my mind.


Beth said...

Oh geeze. Your mom is an accident waiting to happen -- you know this -- and I'm not the first to say it. I hope she doesn't kill someone or herself from driving while under the influence. Your dad surely knows this...and yet he turns his head?

Good for you for hesitating to take all four pills, and for not popping the two immediately.

And also good for you for recognizing the sugar and caffeine, btw, in the colas. They are an insidious drug that are every bit as addicting as illegals. Ask anyone who has stopped either cold turkey.

Progress, not perfection -- that's the goal. Hang in there.


This IS The Fun Part! said...

I am SO proud of you! These are some fantastic decisions you're making, friend!


Joy Heather said...

You did the right thing Andrew. I wish your mother didn't take drugs when she is planning to this country she could end up in prison for doing just that,if she was picked up for a spot check.. dont they do them in your state? Certain drugs, especially ones that can make you 'high' can be as lethal as alcohol.

sal said...

Hi Jon..I agree with you on all counts of people writing about your or my mental illness. They can read article after article, but still have no clue.
I'm pretty balanced right now. I take Klonopin and Lamictal.
I enjoy your writing so much. I also am a recovering alcoholic...
am not into the AA scene, as where I live they are a bunch of sober depressing people who tell the same story at every must mean alot to them and don't mean to cut them down but if after umteen years of being sober and you say,"if I didn't make it to this meeting I would have been at the bar drinking". It's not very inspiring for someone who is looking for a positive future w/o alcohol...oh well..just wanted to share that with you.
Take care, Sal

Sharon said...

I think you made a good, healthy decision for yourself. You know your limitations and you're asserting your needs in a very positive way. Well done!

Mary K said...

If I took four Klonopin I'd be comatose. Good job taking only what you needed and holding it in reserve.
I dunno. Anxiety has been in the air lately. Sounds like you had a lot piled up on you to do all at once. I'm glad you were able to say it was too much.
And look, a fabulous meal at the end of the day! I'm envious!

Cin said...

I do not even Twitter anymore but sometimes I do read other peoples posts. I have actually made my blog private so that I can write more about what I deal with as far as my Agoraphobia,panic attacks,anxiety,and Bi-polar. I have to take several medications just to be stable. I also take Klonopin. This is for my anxiety and I am supposed to take it before I leave my house for the agoraphobia. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. LOL!I think it sometimes help to read about others who are going through the same type of issues that you are going through.Sometimes we are able to identify with that person and realize we are not the only one with problems and to me, that helps a lot. I really do enjoy reading your blog and I appreciate your honesty. :)