I just left an online AA meeting where we discussed true and deep love for someone or something. It centered on the love for new found sobriety and going to any length to obtain it. It really made me think. Will I do anything and everything for my sobriety like I used to do for a drink? I can already find myself settling back into complacency about my sobriety. I didn’t go to the 10am meeting this morning. You better bet if someone told me to meet them for a case of beer at 10am then I would have been there. I would have driven to Timbuktu. Will I do anything and everything to stay sober? I better start getting serious again!
I love certain things. I realize now I never loved my wife. I have no regrets or remorse over my failed marriage. I was miserable. I was drunk all the time and I felt my then wife exacerbated this.
I love Maggie wholeheartedly, but it is so easy to love our pets. They love us back unconditionally with little strings attached. I love mom and dad. I fear dad doesn’t love me, but sees about me due to his extreme sense of responsibility. He loves my brother and sister and is very proud of them. They are both doctors and overwhelmingly successful. I am just tolerated. The prodigal son.
Mom loves me unconditionally. You can see it in everything she does. She worries about me all the time and feels this supreme sense of quilt that I inherited my mental illness from her and her side of the family. I love her back and would do anything for her. I don’t feel this for my father to that extreme. My father has a mean streak from all he’s been through with mom and I and it is not easily forgotten. Hugs are few and far between. I guess I should just be proactive and ask for a hug instead of waiting for one. Maybe he will melt some.