I should’ve seen it coming. I am usually pretty good about knowing when my mental illness will flare up. It started with my smoking copious amounts of cigarettes. I was only smoking one every thirty minutes beforehand. Then came the almost uncontrollable pacing of the floor. I would literally walk until I was exhausted and could walk no more. I had all this nervous energy I needed to expend it seems. Then came the drinking of two bottles of wine in an attempt to self medicate. My life was spiraling out of control again and I was just this hapless spectator I thought. I had to pull in the reigns and quick.
It is times like these that I have told my father and my doctors countless times that I need to be sedated as soon as possible to calm me and to sleep through these bad spells. They are all so afraid of triggering my addictive tendencies, though. Most medications for sedation are usually highly habit forming. So, it seems I am caught in this uncomfortable Catch-22.
Wheee! It’s more Wii…
I was surprised last night when Charlie and Horsefly came to give me my medications instead of dad. Charlie was bearing gifts last night for Maggie and I. Charlie brought Maggie two packages of Pupperoni and brought me a Wii Fit.
“I bought it for Erin,” Charlie said of the Wii Fit. “But she never touched it or showed any interest.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell Charlie I’ve only touched my Wii four times in the two and a half years I have owned it. I am going to hook up the Fit and check it out today. It may just be the thing that gets me interested in that gaming console.
Maggie tickles me. Every morning it’s the same. I get up, wash my face, shave and then dress. Maggie and I trade places on the bed as she gets in the warm spot I left from sleeping. Then I go out to crank my car to go get my Cokes. I usually let it run for fifteen minutes to clear the frost and to get the heat going. I will say, “Bye Maggie! Bye!” She will get up from the bed and run outside clearing the way for my departure. She will bark and bark ferociously as if protecting me from the cold of a 4am morning and all the things that go bump in the night. “Get ‘em girl!” I will say egging her on from my car before I pull out the driveway to head to mom and dad’s. It always makes me smile.