Thursday, March 4, 2010

Thoughts for the Day…

Binge, not Purge…

001 copy My obsessive compulsive addictive behavior is in full force these past few days.  If I can only just weather the storm I keep telling myself, this, too, shall pass and it most likely does.  I just have to let it run it’s course and hope for the best in damage control. 

Last night, I was sitting in front of this computer reading Wikipedia about the origin of dogs when I had a strong craving and compulsion  for candy.  Mom had bought me two bags of Snickers and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Wednesday on grocery day.  Well, I ate both big bags of candy at one sitting.  Usually, this would be followed by a purging session, but I made myself keep it down.  I had one hell of a sugar rush after about thirty minutes.  It was quite a victory for me to not have purged when every fiber of my being was screaming to get it out – you’re going to get fat again.

I should have seen all this coming with my obsessive compulsive over-the-top pacing of the floor.   It was a sure sign that my OCD was acting up.  Why can’t I get obsessive about health? Or jogging? Or just something healthy or good for me?  I guess too much of anything is a bad thing.  It is just characteristic of my all or nothing nature that has so plagued me since I was a very small child.  I can’t seem to grasp the concept of moderation in anything.  

Secrets Best Kept…

I haven’t told a soul except for my blog readers about my little drinking session the other morning.  Especially not George.  I worried it would trigger him to drinking.  I am a terrible liar, though, and can’t make eye contact when I lie and will cross my arms in a defensive posture.  It is a sure sign and giveaway, and I hope nobody asks me if I have drank lately as I will blurt it out in a confessional. 

Email…

It is probably going to take an hour to download all my email when I finally check it.  I’ve had the worst paranoia I have ever experienced regarding email lately.  I am literally scared to death of what I might read.  It’s irrational and I know it, but I can’t help it.  I have to do what makes me feel comfortable. 

2 comments:

Sharyna said...

I would love it if my OCD went toward exercise! Wouldn't that be nice? Congrats on not purging, I would have. I hope in all your email, you continue to read mine...

Joy Heather said...

Well Done Andrew on not purging, stay as strong as you can..I'm sure it will pass. Have you had any bad E-Mails recently, that could make you feel this way ??..or is it all part of the way you are feeling at the moment ?....Nasty people will always send E-mails just to upset folk, but you should block these people a.s.a.p..they will soon get fed up of changing addreses etc...i feel so sad for you at the moment...and prasy it passes very soon.