Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My Thoughts for the End of the Day…

I Fell Off the Wagon and I Fell Hard…

Mom and dad have three refrigerators in the basement.  One is for a delightfully varied mix of diet Sodas.  One is for food.  And one seems to be for wine as all their friends bring a bottle of wine when they visit.  In the third fridge has been two very conspicuously large bottles of expensive wine with a red bow tied to each.  A vestige from Christmas.  They have been calling my name.

Well, Helen called me this morning after I had gotten home from my injection for my schizophrenia.

“Baby, come have some French toast and bacon,” she said. “Your mommas already eating.”

I was on auto-pilot from that point on it seems.  It was all a blur.  I ate breakfast.  Mom went to bed.  Helen was vacuuming the den as I went downstairs and put those two large bottles of wine in my car. 

I got home and didn’t have a corkscrew.  Corks have never stopped an alcoholic on a mission.  George would call this “nigga rigging”.  I used a screw, screwdriver and a pair of pliers to get the corks out.  I then sat on the floor in my computer room, drinking copious amounts of wine until I was drunk.  There went four straight years of sobriety in an instant.   One short instant in four years of restraint. 

On the bright side, I went to bed about lunch and slept like I have never slept before.  I woke up at 7pm tonight wondering what day of the week it was much like mom often does.  I wish I had something profound to say, but I will say this, tomorrow is another day and I am not going to wallow in self pity over my indulgence.  I will begin again and tomorrow will be day one in a new string of sobriety.   

18 comments:

Summer said...

I hope that you feel ok tonight.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

I'm a little sad - but tomorrow's another day!

Love,
Grannie

skinny minny said...

good for you... recomitting to another long string of sobriety (sp?) and for not beating yourself up over it. the important thing is that you are back on the wagon. ☺ sending hugs and good thoughts your way. ♥♥

Leann said...

I am sad that you fell from the wagon after so long Andrew, but you have a great attitude. Tomorrow is another day, a new beginning. Stay strong.

Leigh Ann said...

Don't let yourself forget that you were sober for FOUR years. That is a HUGE accomplishment. You did it before, and you can do it again!

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

It is not the end of the world. So, do not beat yourself up over it.

PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

Berryvox said...

It happens. At least the physical part of the addiction shouldn't have kicked in after one binge.

justLacey said...

Time to begin anew.

Sharon said...

You can do it, we know you can. One transgression isn't the end of your sobriety, as long as you don't make a habit of it. We have faith in you too.

Sharyna said...

No body seems to think this is a big thing! I went back out at 9 yrs and it took years to get back on the sobriety train. IMHO, I wouldn't have taken the 2 brightly wrapped bottles. What if Dad finds out? What if they were taking the bottles to a party? "Martha, where's the wine?" "Well, Andrew was here today..." Could be bad.

impromptublogger said...

I'm glad that you see it is not the end of the world. At least you didn't take George down with you. Time to get back on the AA or whatever bandwagon you need to use.

Spring is coming!

Jenn said...

I'm sorry you have to struggle with this. I'm sending you best wishes for a better day.

Happyone :-) said...

Oh Andrew I am so sorry and it was sad to read this post. But you have a good attitude. Today is another day and time to start anew. :-)
I pray for you every day!

Stephany said...

Be kind to yourself, one day at a time.

forsythia said...

Glad to hear you're dusting yourself off and starting over. Spring is a great time for a new beginning. Hugs.

Joy Heather said...

I'm sorry you had a blip after so long Andrew...but you have the right attitude..these things happen, and your not letting it get you down...I hope things get easier for you.
However if i had just taken something like that from my parents house they would have been pretty angry about it !!...surely they will notice especially by taking the ones that were decorated with Bows etc ??..what if they were earmarked for something special?

Portia said...

Hugs, Andrew. Best wishes for your new beginning:)

Beth said...

I'm with those who support your being back on the wagon. You know how it's done after four years of not doing it. One day at a time, Andrew. And good luck on the decreased meds. Hard choices, those.