George is Jumping on the Work Bandwagon…
“What is your biggest obstacle to returning to work?” George asked me last night as we sat in my den smoking cigars.
“Anxiety/Panic attacks,” I replied. “Nothing would scare me worse than getting caught at work and having one. They are a horrible, extremely physical experience.”
George looked deep in thought for answers. George, as do I, wants me to be independent. He thinks my father is a bad influence upon me. He thinks dad is a control freak and it is none of his business what a grown man does with his life whatever it may be.
“I wish we could get you something to take when you get like that,” George finally said. “We could dope you up and put you to work!”
I haven’t had a anxiety attack in two months cross my fingers. I am hitting the streets today to look for more jobs – putting out my reach as far as possible. I want some of my dignity and pride back. I also want a new computer and diet Cokes and Tylenol and aspirin when I need them. And no more bullshit when I run out of groceries. I just want to drive to the store and buy me some sandwiches with MY money.
A Case of Temptation…
I went to bed around 8pm and slept until 2am. Strange hours. I still don’t know what makes me tick sleep wise. I paced the floor for several hours until sitting down to update my template and write a blog post. I realized this morning that I no longer read one single blog other than mine. All my favorite authors quit writing or wrote so infrequently it was frustrating. Has blogging become passé? Am I just some old relic from another time when I should be on Facebook writing milquetoast material at best because all my former classmates are reading? I could never write about my illness (unless it was cancer or a cold) on Facebook or my struggle with addiction.
George and I only managed to drink one case of beer – him much more than I. That other case is calling my name this morning. I was always a morning drinker. I would start drinking as soon as I got up. When I worked at Auburn University, I would have a beer in my bedroom just to get going for the day and to stop the shakes. But I have jobs to apply for today. Bigger goals. The drinking will just have to wait.