Sunday, March 7, 2010

My Thoughts for the Day…

More Signs of the Spiral Downwards…

3798132075_4d2082795b When my mental illness flares up, all aspects of my life get out of control, jumbled and confused.  Another area of my life that was glaringly telling on me about my mental illness was my food consumption.  I quickly ran out of food bingeing to satiate this empty feeling in me and I have no way of buying more.  I sheepishly asked dad for two loafs of bread and some sandwich meat yesterday.  Grocery day was a long way away still being next Wednesday.  

“Your mother bought you fourteen Lean Cuisines!” dad exclaimed.  “Where did all that food go?”

“I ate it all,” I replied, keenly embarrassed. 

“Did you throw it all up?” he then asked. “You told Dr. Kern you were struggling with your bulimia.”

“Some of it,” I replied. “But not most of it.  I have to eat four of those paltry Lean Cuisines to stay full all day.”

“Well, I am not making any promises,” dad said. “Tomorrow is my day off and I don’t want anything pressuring me.  I will probably be late in the evening before I get you something to eat.”

I am so hungry right now.  You better bet I will be at Mrs. Florene’s for breakfast this morning.  I have missed breakfast with her and George these past two weeks.  It was so terribly embarrassing to have to ask dad for extra food yesterday – not something I want to experience for quite a long time afterwards.  He was so condescending about it.  

More Computer Bliss…

I know I am feeling better when I wanted to tackle a computer project of the magnitude of last night.  I have two old computers that weren’t working.  I took them completely apart – motherboards and all – and then used the spare parts to make one working computer.  It took hours of trying different parts and troubleshooting, but now I have a backup computer in case my good computer decides to quit.  It has a 3.0 GHz processor and 2 GB of RAM and two Raptor Serial ATA 150 36 GB harddrives.  It is running perfectly with Windows 7 and I am so proud of my accomplishment. 

3 comments:

Golden To Silver Val said...

Andrew, I just wanted to give you a heads up. I noticed in your twitter comments that you set your clocks ahead....that's next weekend. Didn't want you to miss out on a program because of that.

Joy Heather said...

Sorry about your bingeing at the moment...i often do that if i am depressed..then feel wretched for doing it and cant sleep properly becuase i am both too full, and very angry with myself for doing it...I'm sure your Dad will get you more food he, wouldn't let you go a whole day with nothing...but enjoy your breakfast with Deorge & Mrs Florene..by the way that picture of the downward spiral staircase is awesome..but i'm sad that you feel that is your life at present. Its good you have done that work on the computers..you have so much going for yourself Andrew...you could even earn some money if you advertised, lots of folk need repairs etc on their computers, even word of mouth could bring you in some work and you could do it all in the comfort of your Home..its worth thinking about and could solve more than one problem (boredom /finances)

joyous melancholy said...

I'm sorry, but you told your dad that you were completely out of food, and he said that MAYBE he'd get you more tomorrow?

WTF?! That pisses me off. I saw your next post, that George wanted to go kick his ass. You've got a good friend in George.

I don't think I like your dad very much. I absolutely adore you, good days and bad, mess and all. Your dad seems to just do anything he can to have control over anything he can. If I lived anywhere near you, you'd better believe you'd have food right now.

You should tell your mom you're out of food. You'd have more right away. I can just see her getting all in a tizzy, bugging your dad about it until you got what you needed. hee hee };-)

Hang in there. You have good friends, none of them would let you starve. And I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. You're in my thoughts and prayers.