The Defeated Man…
Mom ate at Rodger’s tonight and then brought Maggie and I a barbeque plate – a welcomed surprise for a Thursday night. We were sitting in my den when mom asked, “What’s wrong with you? You’ve seemed off for the past few days.”
“Oh, I’ve just had a tough few days that have made me question everything and anything. I am really struggling with my obsessive compulsiveness. The Luvox has quit working I fear,” I replied. “I called dad today and told him I was willing to move into that home for the mentally disabled where Jeffrey lives. I don’t want to always be a burden on ya’ll.”
“It’s your father’s fault you are a burden on us and not yours,” mom told me, her honesty and lucidity surprising me. “If he would just let you have money again then you wouldn’t be so reliant on me for everything.”
“You and I both know he will never, ever give me money again for as long as he is my representative payee,” I replied glumly.
“I know,” mom said, looking deep in thought. “He handles all my money as well.”
“I know why you can’t go live in that home!” mom then exclaimed almost sounding excited.
I looked up smiling.
“Your father would give Maggie away and you can’t smoke in it! It would be like living in a mental hospital!”
I laughed. She was so right.
“So no more talk of going to live in mental institutions,” mom said as she got up to leave. “I would miss you more than anything. I enjoy getting your groceries and giving you your Cokes every night. Don’t think you are a burden on me.”
Mom gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I felt so much better. Mom and I never got along when I was growing up – always at arms with each other over something. It is nice to have the relationship we have these days.