Saturday, March 13, 2010

My Thoughts at the End of the Blogging Day…

What’s a Few Drinks Between Friends?

George was watching TV in my lounge chair tonight in the den. I was laying on the couch. On the TV was that old eighties science fiction show Buck Rodgers and it was getting on my nerves. I was having a ton of symptoms tonight. I felt like I had just been scraped up off the floor mentally.

“I’m going to poker tonight and I am having a a few drinks,” George told me over the cacophony of the television.

I looked up and said, “That’s nice. Don’t get so drunk you can’t drive home.”

I told you I was feeling badly. I was out in left field.

“God, I could use a few drinks right now myself,” I then said nervously as I sat up – my hands shaking violently as I lit up a cigar. “A few drinks would calm me and dull these symptoms I am having.”

George abruptly got up and walked to the front door.

“Where are you going?” I asked as I stood up.

“I am going to get us two cases of beer. Me and you are going to relax. You are going to feel better. And we are going to watch TV all night.”

“Dad is coming at ten with my medications!” I protested.

“We just won’t drink until after he leaves,” George replied with a sly grin. “I’ll be back about ten thirty.”

Well, dad came and went, and George came back over with two cases of Milwaukee’s Best Ice beer. We had to remove several shelves from my fridge to get them to fit. I felt so guilty as if I was stealing money from a little old lady.

“Drink up!” George said as we sat down in the den with a beer in hand and another beer on my side table to follow.

Oh my God! I forget how it feels sometimes – why it is so addicting and intoxicating. Immediately my extremities went numb after a few beers. I grew sleepy, happy, quiet, complacent. George grew talkative and excitable – drinking beer after beer. My symptoms seemed to dissolve away. Now, I know why I drank so heavy all those years. It was an attempt to self medicate.


Hap Joy Free said...

no words.

C.A. said...

I'm thinking of you, my dear old friend. Just wanted you to know that.


Sharyna said...

We've been friends for years and I still love you even though you choose to drink...

mago said...

You two intensified your flirt with desaster.

Jane said...

I keep wondering what excuse I will use to allow myself to smoke again. There are so many of them!

This IS The Fun Part! said...

You know that this is not a good direction to be going. You are supposed to be helping George. What will Mrs. Florene do without you on her side? You were SO proud to be helping him quit!

You've seen what drinking has done in the past - I don't think you're ready to deal with that again.

Please fight this, Andrew. I wish there was some way I could help.

Love ya,

pattycakes said...

this isnt good how can you ever fight your demons if you and george both go down . i wish you lots of luck to pull back , you dont want to lose all you have gained . i will pray for you . im not preaching just worried about you . hugs

Berryvox said...

Can an alcoholic drink moderately? I don't know since my only addictions are caffeine and cigarettes. But I tend to believe the recovering alcoholics who say they can't.

Joy Heather said...

I feel sad at this Post Andrew..both for you & Geroge..but nothing anyone says will make you feel any better/worse i imagine..i just hope you both pick yourselves up and start again...poor Mrs Florene must be so upset, i think she was so happy you were helping with George's drinking problem.
Please dont beat yourself up...just start again...thinking of you.

Beth said...

You risk so much by drinking again, Andrew. I don't know that cutting your risperdal was your best move and hope you'll talk to your doc about that.

Joy Heather is right: don't beat yourself up; just start again today.

Leann said...

New beginnings Andrew. I truly hope you choose not to drink again. So many people are proud of you for quitting, including us, that I hope you stay sober. You and George drinking, especially George being a newly recovered Alcoholic, is a toxic mixture. You need to support each other, not bring each other into the pit again.

Thinking of you and many blessings your way.

justLacey said...

There is nothing I can add to this that hasn't already been said. There is nowhere good that continuing this can go. Think long and hard. Mrs. Florene will be sad and she has been good to both you and George. Your father will think he has been right all along. Was he?

glittergirl said... is a great place for folks who don't "fit in" with AA. and they have online support groups for hermits!

there's also something called "moderation management" that is controversial but has helped some people.

becomingkate said...

I hope it doesn't cause a binge :(

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

For an alcoholic with schizophrenia and a raft of medications to manage, a 'few drinks' is very definitely an accident waiting to happen IMO..

kristi said...

Oh Andrew...I am sorry you chose to do this. Hugs.

Syd said...

Andrew, I happened to read your blog post today and find out that you decided to "celebrate". It doesn't sound like a great idea to me. But I suppose the Big Book of AA says it best about an alcoholic trying moderate drinking. It doesn't seem to work!

K said...

This is such a sad day. You already know the inevitable destinations: jails, institutions, and death.

What a slippery slope you've just slid down. It's very sad. And, also the reason you're supposed to get a sponsor, work the steps, and go to meetings; because if you don't you'll end up in the throws of a newcomer who is still romancing the ideas of drinking. Perhaps you should go back and read "How it works" again, because you still don't know!

Such a sad day, Andrew. Such a sad day.

Jules said...

Wow really?

I support you, regardless of unpopular press.

Wow, really Johnathon?