I found myself praying yesterday. I am desperate. It is probably the first time I have prayed in a decade. I prayed for the good sense to start back going to AA. I prayed for mom and dad to love me and for our relationship to improve. I prayed for some kind of reprieve in my obsessive compulsive behavior and the drinking, bulimia, and the drugs. I prayed that Maggie continues to have good health. I prayed for a great deal of things. Tears rolled down my cheeks and wet my shirt. It was like this great outpouring.
This morning I am listening to Coast to Coast AM about entities that attach themselves to people with mental illnesses and addictions. How these entities entice us to drink and to have delusions and aberrant behavior. It is so interesting and intoxicating to think that all this time I may have had a malevolent entity attached to me all these years causing all my problems. I have been possessed. There was even the phrase “fallen angels” bantered around.