Monday, March 22, 2010

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed!

“I am fixin’ to hit the bed,” George told me after stopping by for a moment after work.  He yawned loudly stretching his arms in the process.

“Here!” he said, handing me a bag of Sprites and some candy bars.  “I didn’t think you would want any caffeine after yesterday’s attack.”

“Thank you!” I told him with the utmost of sincerity.

“What are you feeling today?” he asked.

“Just scared,” I replied. “Just scared those attacks will start back.  I am so nervous and it feeds upon itself.”

“Well, don’t you have some medications to take?”

“I have my clonazepam,” I replied. “My psychiatrist prescribes twenty extra per month for emergencies on top of the two I take nightly.”

“Take them then!” George exclaimed.  “Get to feeling better.  I hate it when you get like this.   You’re such a stick in the mud!”

“Dad has them and I can’t bother him at work.  He will get angry.  They are effectively useless to me.  He will say I just want to get ‘high.’  I guess he believes I have cried wolf too many times.”

“I still want to give your father a good ass kicking sometimes,” George replied in a huff.  “Someone needs to bring him down a notch.  Doesn’t he realize you are completely dependent upon him?”

I shrugged, not wanting to get into a ‘let’s degrade my father session’ that can happen sometimes between George and I.

“Call me if you need a drink, okay?” George said. “We will get drunk and I will call into work.  I bet that will make you forget about your mental illness for a few hours.”

“It certainly would,” I said, shrugging again. “You need to sleep, though.”

I didn’t tell George it would make my life ten times more complicated this morning.  I would have to worry about sobering up for dad tonight.  Hiding the smell on my breath.  Discarding of all the cans in a way they wouldn’t be detected or found.   Worrying about George getting home and going through the whole process of hiding his keys from him. 

Just then, Maggie jumped up into George’s lap without warning.  I died laughing.  The first time I had laughed in days.  George spilt the Coca-Cola he was drinking all over my lounge chair.

“Goddamnit, that dawg does that every time!”

George was holding up his arms as if Maggie couldn’t be touched.  I had the biggest grin on my face.  Maggie will only jump into the laps of a selected few people including mom. 

“She just loves you, man,” I said. “She trusts you.  It’s a good thing.”

George pushed Maggie off into the floor and got up to clean up the mess him and Maggie had made.

“Don’t forget to call me if you need me,” George told me as he was leaving to go home to sleep.

I was still smiling ear to ear, but I mumbled something incoherently and said goodbye.  I won’t lie and say I didn’t want to throw caution to the wind and get rip roaring drunk.   I would have been so nice, yet so damned complicated at the same time.   The better Angels of my nature prevailed.      


mxtodis123 said...

So far I have only been a lurker here, but I am getting rip-roaring angry right now. I work as a substance abuse counselor for those with mental illness, and I am a bit tired of George tossing the idea of drinks to you. He knows what happens when you drink. Sorry for saying this, but this is what I tell my clients. If someone is a TRUE friend and knows you are in recovery...and are struggling with your recovery...and knows where drinking or drugs brought you in the past...they will be a means of support for you and not always throwing around hints for you to drink. I've been following this for awhile now, and George, to me, is not a true friend. He doesn't seem to have your best interest at heart.

Joy Heather said...

I'm so glad you were strong must get so hard at times..especially when George is contemplating a drinking bout and trying to get you to join him..but despite it, i know he is a good friend to you and cares for you...just stay strong and keep doing whats right for you.
I had to laugh at Maggies antics....she did it just a the right time...when George was trying to get you to Drink...she is one clever girl is our Maggie...LOL

Beth said...

I agree -- and yes, I do think your angels (Maggie being one) were watching out for you. Pay attention to them! Don't listen to George when he tries to get you to drink -- part of what he is doing is using you to justify his own drinking, Andrew.

Joy Heather said...

I think you know about my Sons addiction to Alcohol, i wont go into it here.. i did E-Mail you about it once..and i too get very cross when his friends try to get him to drink when he is trying hard to stop..BUT i know they have got their problems with the stuff as well..and they are so kind and suportive in so many ways to him and his family...they basically all need help..but to abandon friends you have had for many years and who have been there to help you through lots of bad times (most of which are not alcohol induced) a hard thing to do...i dont think George even really realises that his attempts to make you drink are as bad as they mjight be...i feel sure that if you sat him down and talked to him and explained..then he would hopefully be more supportive..after all it was only a few weeks ago he was tring to give up himself, because of his poor Mom..but he has so many problems and need help himself..before he can help you ...I just pray you can both turn your lives around..stay Strong Andrew..bless you.

forsythia said...

I'm surprised your dad might think you'd get high on clonazepam. I thought clonazepam was a sedative. I know it can be habit-forming, but if you're anxious, you're anxious, and you should be able to take it when you need it.

PipeTobacco said...


I hope you find things improving this afternoon. You know that I think George is a true friend, and regardless of what some others may suggest, I think you know he is a true friend as well.

Drinking or not drinking is a choice you make every day. To suggest that another person will "steer you wrong" (which some here suggest) is to me treating you as a child. Drinking or not drinking is simply your decision, not any one else's nor something anyone else can get you to do or not do.

You are a very strong individual, and you have tremendous ability and potential. Your strengths do not change whether you drink or not. Your value as a person is in YOU.

If I were you, I would be tremendously encouraged by the Spring warmth to find new, fun, and perhaps even rewarding plans for adventures and/or writing and/or volunteering and/or art that you can pursue and relish.

If you decide to not drink, great, that is your choice. If you decide to drink, also great, as it is your choice.

You are not defined by a bottle, whether it is on the shelf or in your gut.

In regards to your anti-anxiety medication, if your Dad is too bull-headed to be your help, maybe he would be willing to let Charlie govern the doling out of the extras since he already handles much of your medication?


justLacey said...

I am sad that George has gone back to drinking. Do you think he will ever stop again?