Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Confessional…

“I outta go ever there and kick your father’s skinny ass!” George exclaimed when I told him about me having run out of food and having to wait a day for more.  “He would never be doin’ that to your haughty taughty doctor brother and sister!”

I told George everything as we sat in his Caprice, listening to the radio and smoking.  The mental illness flare up.  My bingeing constantly on food.  The pacing of the floor till I was exhausted.  Smoking until my throat was raw.  The drinking of two large bottles of wine until I was blitzed.   I shouldn’t have told all I told, but I needed a friend to talk to.  And isn’t that what friends are for?

“I drank a pint of whiskey two weeks ago,” George then told me, catching me off guard. “That’s why I wouldn’t allow momma to throw me a sobriety party.  I was so ashamed.  I didn’t tell anybody and it has been eating me alive!”

We both grew very quiet – this congregation of fallen men.   The hazy blue smoke from our Swisher Sweets filled the car as a gospel rendition of Amazing Grace played on the radio.  I thought it was fitting for the moment. 

“Come on,” George said, opening the driver’s side door. “Let’s get momma to fix you some cubed steak sandwiches for today.  She had plenty left over from last night’s supper.”

Mrs. Florene fixed me four steak sandwiches and then put a bunch of potato chips in a big Ziploc bag.  She gave me a big hug as I was leaving.

“Don’t tell your mother about us drinking, okay?” I asked George as I was getting in my car with the bag of food.  “It would devastate her.”

“I won’t,” George replied. “And me and you both are getting back on track.  Deal?”

“Deal,” I said back with a weak smile.

I drove home feeling better having spilled my guts.  It is going to be extremely comforting to me today to have some of Mrs. Florene’s steak sandwiches to eat.   I feel much better today than I have in over a week. 


Leann said...

It always helps to have some one to share with Andrew, in good times and bad. You are a fortunate person to have people who care for you so deeply. Blessings my friend and I hope you have an amazing day :-)

p.s...I don't think Amazing Grace played for both of you by coincidence.

This IS The Fun Part! said...

I'm glad that you and George have each other to lean on through the rough times. Yes, indeed, that's what friends are for! A real friend is someone who loves you, warts and all.

Hang in there, my friend, you're doing a good job keeping up with things. Remember - you have friends out here, too!

Love ya,

Joy Heather said...

Bless George and Mrs have two real genuine friends there Andrew, its good to unburden yourselves. and you were both able to help each other. Confession is good for the soul as they say...i too believe, as Leann, that Amazing Grace been played on the radio as you both shared your hearts was not a coincidence.

justLacey said...

The fact that both of you felt bad about getting off track and vowing to get back on and try and stay on shows how much you have grown. I think the guilt over it you are feeling has caused some of the flaring of your mental illness issues. Why don't you and George attend a meeting together? Maybe that would help purge some of those feelings and allow you to just get on with getting on. It's not good to carry that around and I think it's counter productive. You are both good men and lucky to have each other for support. Mrs. Florene is a an angel.

Peg said...

Honestly always brings you back home again. Now, if you could only get some extra food.....

Sharon said...

How wonderful that both you and George have come so far! It has to be a good feeling to have a close friend like George, who is in the same boat as you with alcohol, that wants to get back on the right track and wants to help you as well. Look at what a better place you are than in the past! Good for you and good for George!