Sunday, January 24, 2010

Loneliness is a State of Mind…

I sat two hours yesterday talking to mom.  I get so lonely in that house of mine despite Maggie. Maggie went with me and lay on the floor beside me listening to every word and watching the cat on mom’s bed warily.  Mom was in the bed with her cat Muffin on top of her. We talked mainly of small talk; a subject I am still mastering.  It was good practice.   It also gave me a good excuse to drink all the cokes I wanted.  Every time I would run out of a drink, mom would suggest I get another out of the fridge.  Bliss!  That doesn’t happen often. 

“Mom, do you think I am doing better?” I asked at one point.

“You’re still obsessive compulsive, but your doing better than you ever have before,” she replied.

That made me feel better.  Sometimes, you just to have to hear it from someone else. We really haven’t had any episodes out of me lately for a long time. 

Soon, dad was home from work.  He gets off at 2 PM on Saturdays. 

“I see I’ve got my whole crew here today,” he said with a smile.

“We’ve been talking for hours, “ mom said excitedly. “We’ve had the best time.”

“When you were drinking,” dad said. “You would never do that.  You would only be thinking about getting drunk.  You would never give time to your mother or I.”

He was right.  Drinking was the be all and the end all.  

Eggs, Bacon, and Sobriety…

This Sunday morning we have our traditional breakfast with Mrs. Florene and George.  Mrs. Florene already told me she was cooking scrambled cheese eggs, bacon, and biscuits for breakfast last night on the phone. 

“Monday, George will be two weeks sober,” she told me proudly.  “He really is like a different son. He is just much more responsible and thoughtful.”

“Alcoholism is he epitome of selfishness,”  I told her glibly.

My heart goes out to Mrs. Florene.  She is a saint.  For years, she’s put up with George’s alcoholic antics like running over the mailbox, pissing all over himself, puking till his guts about hang out, pissing in the bed and coming home mad and screaming and hollering at his mother.  Etc.  

Reading List…

Well, I finished Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga.  For a series of books written for girl tweens and teens, I really enjoyed it.   My favorite character in the end was Jacob.  I just loved his snarky wit, and what is there not to like about a good hearted and good natured werewolf?   The ending of book four left you hanging.  Which, I hope, means more sequels on the way.  The rumor has it that Mrs. Meyer wrote a sequel and it escaped out on the Internet.  It is now a new eBook free to download on her website.

I am currently listening to Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet.  I much prefer audiobooks cause I can pace the house all the while smoking copiously and drinking Wal-Mart orange drink.  It is a ritual of mine and good exercise.  So far the book has taken a sad turn for the worse and I hope it improves for the main characters. 

Next on the agenda, it the Harry Potter audiobooks.  Mom, my librarian, gave me the choice to listen to them or read them.  You already know what I picked.  Mom disliked the books saying they were childish.  I hope I fare better. 


justLacey said...

Mom says you are still obsessive compulsive, but I believe we all have little things we deal with that others find weird or abnormal. One of the biggest jokes in the medical field is that all psychiatrists are messed up people who went to school to figure out why they are messed up. There may be some truth to that. I really think you are as normal as the rest of us Andrew. Your drinking was what was keeping you from being as healthy as you can be and you have managed to get that out of your life. All of us are lonely at times, even in a house full of people. We have irrational fears that bother us in the middle of the night and worry that that means we aren't normal. I think that is the norm. I also have noticed your working on your social anxiety and you are doing such a good job. I am wondering too today, how George is doing?

Lena said...

Nice that you and your family have connected so strongly since the drinking has stopped. It is great that both of your parents are so supportive of you and have stuck by you. Many are not so lucky.

I think I will be making a meatloaf this week as well. I make one stuffed with spinach that we all enjoy.

Joy Heather said...

I enjoyed reading your blog today were positive. Some of the things that do worry you occasionally are common to most of us from time to time. Its good that you and your Mom & Dad are more together with each other now & able to talk in a way that your drinking once prevented. I am also thrilled to hear that George is still doing so well & getting stronger, It must be a huge relief for Mrs Florene, i am so pleased for her...Enjoy your breakfast and have a happy time with your friends today.

Hap Joy Free said...

I wanna know if Maggie ate your moms kitty???

Your doing great,kid and so is George!

Anonymous said...

i am glad that you had a good time with your mom. i enjoy small talk at times. i went over to mom's yesterday and we had a good time. i am so glad that you are doing well. i like to read but have not tried the audio books. sometime when i get a new cd player i will probably try that. my cd player is broken and i need to get a new one. i would like to get one that i can play tapes on it too because that is what i have now.
i hope that you had a good time with george and his mom today. george seems to be doing good. i hope that he is going to some meetings to meet other people who are not drinking and trying to stay sober. i think it would help him but sometimes some people can get along without meetings. i know that i did well and do. it has been around fifteen years now for me. God is good and has been the force that has kept me sober. you are doing great. we are alot alike in staying to our self much of the time with our dog.i hope that you have a good sunday, liz

Anonymous said...

Hey I hope u enjoy ken follets book...I really like the pillars of earth/ I like books on cd too and sometimes it doesn't matter what the book is...just hearing a voice soothes me. I live alone and altho I get lonely I am not sure I could live with someone after so many years alone....
Mary (ox)

becomingkate said...

Sounds like everything is going fine! Yummy breakfasts, recovering friends, healthy family. Awesome Andrew!