We went to Charlie's last night for Christmas Eve dinner. We had hot roast beef sandwiches with horseradish sauce his wife, Janice, had cooked. I tell you, they were delicious. Dad made a cake - a lane cake - which was also divine. Charlie was supposed to go to Atlanta to his son's house for Christmas, but his son's wife left him on Christmas Eve, packed up their daughter, and headed to Tennessee - escaping to her family.
As we were sitting at the table eating our desserts, mom said, "I think I just shit in my pants!" Dad looked at me. Charlie looked at dad. Charlie's sometimes acerbic wife shook her head.
"Well, go wipe your ass and we will go open presents real quick and I will take you home," dad said with an air of kindness. "You need any help?"
Mom sheepishly left the table and went to take care of business and to clean herself up. I opened my iPod and Charlie also went so far as to get me a $50 dollar iTunes gift card on top of the fireplace and aquarium DVD he gave me. I've gotten over $200 so far in iTunes gift cards and already spent most of it on audiobooks like Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Audiobooks are expensive! Twilight alone was $28.99!
We had driven over in dad's Honda CR-V. As we were driving home, dad turned to me and said, "Let's get the big car out of the garage (the BMW X5) and go take it for a ride to look at the Christmas lights. Let's go blow it out as my father would used to say. That car will run like a scalded dog. There's nothing like a big V8!"
"Can I drive it some?" I asked excitedly.
"It's Christmas," dad replied. "Sure you can!"
"I think I just shit in my pants again," mom said from the backseat.
"Martha! What's wrong with you?" my father asked as he looked at me and rolled his eyes.
We dropped mom off at home and the car reeked. "Jesus!" dad said as mom escaped into the house. Poor mom. Bless her heart. It must have been all so embarrassing. I am glad dad didn't laugh like he normally does. It was Christmas after all.
Today, I go to my sister's house. I am so nervous. The small talk. The strange house. A sister I've been estranged to for years. It is the first time in years I've felt mentally well enough to do all this, though. Dad was worried about me last night and slipped me two Klonopin. "I'll give you two more in a few hours," he said as we were standing outside in the rain at Charlie's house while I smoked. It certainly has been an interesting Christmas so far.