Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Two Steps Forward. Three Steps Back...

I broke down in my shower this morning feeling overwhelmed. "I don't think I can take all this shit today," I muttered.  I wanted just a quiet day at home with my Internet and my TV.

Soon dad arrived to pick me up.  I brushed my hair and put on my favorite San Diego Chargers ball cap. 

"You look and smell nice today," dad said as he handed me two of my Clonazepam.  "This won't take long."

We arrived at the hospital and dad immediately went into social gregarious mode.  Talking to everyone he saw.  I quietly sat in a back chair of the lobby shying away from all the small talk.  "I wish mom would have taken me," I said at one point to myself. 

We waited an hour to be called back for our blood work.  "Thank you," I prayed to the gods that be that this ordeal was about over. 

"You okay?" dad asked.

"Overwhelmed," I said. "Too much stimulus."

Dad held my hand to calm me.  I was on the edge of a massive anxiety attack.

I am still so fragile these days.  Dad says mom and I are both in such a way.  We can't take all the social aspects that come when doing something with my father.  Dad reminds me of a politician. 

I was so glad to get home.  I immediately curled up in the bed with Maggie and nervously smoked cigarette after cigarette.  Dad called me a moment later and said, "All burdens weren't lifted on Calgary."  His favorite catch phrase about how mom and I couldn't even handle such things with divine intervention.  


Portia said...

I'm glad you made it home without the anxiety attack. I hope the stress of the morning passes and you are able to enjoy the rest of your day.

happyone said...

Sorry you had a rough morning - hope the rest of your day is happy and restful.
I came across this blog about trains and thought of you. Maybe you already know about it but here is the link.

Just a Girl said...

Sounds like your dad and my dad should get together and go bowling.

josie2shoes said...

Ahh fathers! I'd trade you but I'm not sure you'd find it much of an improvement. They are much the same. Believe me, Andrew, we all have mornings when we feel like we just can't face stuff on the agenda. The important thing is that you got ready, got there, and got thru it. In my books, that is being successful. Scary, you bet it is, overwheming... for damn sure. But you did it and you survived. I'm proud of you and I know deep down your Dad is too. Rest now, it's well deserved!

Lena said...

It was a tough day, but you did it. I am glad the anticipation of it is over. Hope the rest of your day went well.

Leann said...

I'm sorry to hear it was such an overwhelming day for you sweetie. I hope you're feeling better, especially now that you are in your maximum comfort zone. ((hugs))

forsythia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
forsythia said...

Three steps forward, two steps back. That's just the dance of life. You're doing fine.