Friday, December 26, 2008

Blow 'em out of the water...

"You know your dad is gay and he is drugging your mother to keep her complacent,"  my uncle told me over the phone this morning after wishing me a merry Christmas. 

"Roger, don't go spreading that rumor around, okay?" I replied with a tone of utmost seriousness.

The damage was done, though.  He had already called my mother and told her that as well.  Merry effing Christmas. 

I've known for years that dad is gay.  Him and Charlie have been inseparable for the past 30 years.  It is obvious they are a couple.

Mom called me later asking for my opinion.

"Do you think your father is gay?" she asked.

"Rachel always swore he was," I replied of my ex-wife.

I didn't outright say it myself.  I wished mom a merry Christmas and told her not to worry too much about it.  I love my parents just the same. 


justLacey said...

Wow, that was some phone call. Why did your uncle do that? Anyhow, there are all kinds of "families". Although I can't condone the drugging of your mom to "keep her complacent". The rest of it is up to them to live with or not. I doubt your mom hasn't known or suspected it and really for you there is nothing you can do about it. What a sad way to live though for your mom, but at her age she probably feels she doesn't have many choices.
I'm sorry your uncle did that, it was really so unnecessary.

C.A. said...

Wow, I didn't see that one coming, my friend. What a horrible thing for your uncle to do on Christmas. Hugs to you and your Mom...and your Dad and Charlie, too, for the unrequested outing.

Summer said...

Some people are just outright mean. I feel so bad for your mom, though I suspect she has always known it. And you, you're a great son.

Kathy said...

Holy Mother! What a horrible thing to say to someone's child!! Why would someone ever do that??? Even in the interest of being 'honest.'

impromptublogger said...

How awful! Even if you knew it in your heart, and your Mom did he had no right to open his trap.

recoveryroad said...

Good for you, matey.

A merry Yule to you.

Syd said...

I don't understand those motives except to deposit a lot of anger. I think that loving your parents is the best thing to do. It's between them.

anonymous said...

Well finally, I've been saying this over and over a hundred times on this blog.

Thank goodness your uncle has the balls to say something. It's attitudes like those posters above that prevent us gays from getting the same civil rights that everyone else enjoys.

They state "it's okay, just don't talk about it". Well honey, that stuff won't fly anymore. We demand and will get our civil rights. And we will talk about it.

And maybe your dad won't have to hie anymore.

anonymous said...

^^^ hide anymore.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

ah bless. its a shame people have to be covert. where i live it seems like everyone is gay as there are tons (well it seems like it anyway) gay people around. im so used to it i forget that outside cities people have to be more covert. poor things.

see if someone said that to me i would just say ..And??
meaning..why are you making a problem out of it ???
perhaps that uncle has nothing else to talk about. what's the big deal with being gay for gawds sakes? TONS of people are gay. Jeez. He must not get out much! hehee
tell your uncle to spend a week over here in London and he will meet more gays than you could shake a stick at :)

Next time he says something weird just say. Yeah. And?..(silence)
Or else say. Yeah. (very calmly, and casually.. without smiling as you will give yourself away if you do)
"well yeah, After my time pioneering sex clubs for the under 50's in Michigan, I remember thinking, yeah aint it a bit..ODD that my dad is gay,..because, (as you know im sure), everyone !! knows that there arent ANY !!! Gay men in Ohio (or wherever you come from). !!! Obviously. !!!

Heehee and just amuse yourself at his stunned silence when he genuinely cant think of aanything to say.
And if he continues saying rotten things.
Just say. "Look uncle. You're not funny, and you sound like a miserable, mean spirited git, so if you cant think of anything genial to say, then go spread your uninvited homophobic vitriol elsewhere. Ok?"

That should do it! :) well its just a thought! Shock value sometimes works!

justLacey said...

When you post yourself as "anonymous" aren't you hiding? You aren't helping your cause that way. No one said Andrews family should hide. They just said it's between his parents and not anyone else.

Tee said...

I think your uncle is just trying to cause problems in your family. Why would he want to hurt you and your Mom, or your Dad? Tell him to butt out! Tell your Mom to tell him to butt out!

forsythia said...

Your uncle is an ignorant jerk, just trying to stir things up.

Leann said...

I'm sorry you had to hear that on Christmas Andrew, true or not. It certainly clarifies some things though. I feel for your Mom although as has been said, I'm sure she knows or suspected.

Boxer said...


That explains a lot. There is no shame in this, I'm so sorry that everyone has had to hide.

Merry Christmas Andrew. Intensely amazing post.

kristi said...

Okay, I had to pick my mouth up off the floor. Goodness.

Cheryl said...

Wow! So much to say, don't know where to start. Didn't hear you ask for opinions anyway. I just hope you had a good holiday. Your parents love you and you love them and that's all that matters.

Ellie said...

Being gay is not a bad thing, not at all. But maybe it shouldn't have to be said in that way?

PipeTobacco said...

Hello Sir:

I do not find the news surprising in the least, sir. I suspected this may be the case from some of your earlier writings. There is obviously nothing wrong with being homosexual.

The person I am most sorry for is your mother. I do not know if she "knew" or not, but if not, she is the person I feel heavy grief for. Hopefully she DID already know.

I do not feel (as most of the above posters do) that your uncle was so wrong in revealing this information. Is this uncle your father's brother or your mother's brother? It really does not matter, but I think an uncle is a relative close enough to the family core to have a right to discuss that sort of important information.

I would also tend to agree with "anonymous" about the need for civil rights for homosexuals. As our society is separated from religious doctrine, I feel homosexuals deserve the same rights as all other people in our society, including the option of joining in some sort of "civil union" arrangement with equivalent legal rights as marriage.

While people may view homosexuality negatively from the standpoint of their faith, and may have negative consequences and feelings towards homosexuals within their own faith, no one has the right be treat anyone negatively based upon their ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or sex.


Marsha said...

I think his uncles timing is off but at least he said something. I personally would have said it to the police...but that's just me. Wait, is this the same uncle who helped himself to a brown paper bag of drugs from the pharmacy, without perscriptions?

I've suspected for some time now that his father was up to no good and I've never even met the man!!

Seems that the puzzle peices of this story are starting to fall into place.

I feel sorry for you Andrew and will pray for you.

To the "anonymous" person who wants the whole world to know he's gay, you don't deserve equal rights. You are SINNING and need forgiveness...not health insurance for your partner. And just for the record, YES, I know I'm a sinner too and need the same forgiveness.

And don't berate me for not agreeing with you. It's MY RIGHT to speak up the same way you did.

Eric said...

First, I hope you had a good Christmas overall.

Second, I can't understand the motivation for this sudden "revelation". It's not like you just became a "man" and now needed to know the "truth." Why now?

"Coming out of the closet" is one thing, but shoving someone out is uncalled for, and I see no purpose served here.

I have wondered about your father's dispensing of drugs to you and your mother, but I always thought he had y'alls best interest in mind, even if he did not always handle it right.

I think you handled it right.

skinny minny said...

lot of strong opinions outhere. Boils down is it is NO ONES business to tell or not tell except for your Dad's and Mom's. AND whatever the motivation for the outing it was mean spirited and horribly timed. hope your mom is ok and youor christmas was good in spite. Family!

(M)ary said...

Life is complicated. Not sure if your dad really is gay, but I don't care one way or another. I know that around where I live people are really religious so lots of gay folks are married to hide their true selves. Anyway, why did your uncle have to feed this rumor around Christmas???sounds like your uncle is passive aggressive.

Jenn said...

Didn't see that coming! It's too bad your dad grew up during a time when he couldn't feel comfortable to just be himself. Maybe some day he'll be able to live as he would like. I hope your mom is doing ok.

Rene' Morris said...

{{{{Hugs}}}} Whatever will be, will be. I'm glad you had a very merry Christmas! I hope you and your family have a beautiful 2009!

Lindi said...

Sounds like it's your uncle that has issues.
Could it be that he is jealous of your Dad's friendship with Charlie.
They, Charlie & your Dad, sound more like close brothers. When two men are close friends why do people always assume that they are gay?
Women can have close friends and people won't jump to the conclusion that they are gay.
Anyway if they do have a relationship of that kind... they would be both men are still married.
What a mean thing for your uncle to do to your mom at Christmas. Even if it is true, he should mind his own business.

Joanne said...

No one has the right to judge anyone based upon their sexual orientation.
We are all equal.
Love you

Rita Mosquita said...

Wow! You do have to wonder what your uncle's motivation was. The holidays always seems to bring out the worst in some people. What he said may be true, but why tell, and why now?

From everything I've read, your mother has been over-medicated. Perhaps it has been on purpose.

Have you been over-medicated for the same reason?

It is sad that your father has lived his life this way, hiding his true nature.

Years ago, before it was socially acceptable to be gay, many would get married and live with the false front of a family who was used to cover up their real life-style. Some would become priests or nuns, that would keep the family off their backs.

The emotion and crisis which has been brought into light, shall pass, but who is damaged? Mom and dad.

Wishing you peace.

Sharyna said...

Sorry, Andrew, I haven't written in a long time. I just feel that your dad's "outing" should scroll down and be forgotten. You needed to vent and we respect that of you. However, didn't you say once that your dad is curious about your blog and checks in every now and then? That could be tricky.

Blue Gardenia said...

It is quite obvious that your father is a control freak drugging both your mother and you and keeping you just as broke as he can while he freely lives his own Bohemian lifestyle. You should confront him and have him admit that he is a homo and maybe you and your mother would have a little more freedom instead of being tied to his frilly apron strings!

Bridget said...

Very uncool of your uncle to drop that bomb over the holidays! Whether the gay part is true or not (and there is nothing at all wrong with being gay), it wasn't his place to say that. As to your father drugging your mother, I do feel, unfortunately, that he tends to be overzealous in the regard of prescribing without a license. But that part is between him and your mother. As an adult, she has the right and ability to say no if she wants. Family dynamics are sooo complicated. It's for none of us to judge - especially those of us reading who don't know you in real life. My family looks pretty dysfunctional from the outside, too.

Sharon said...

Andrew, the fact is you love your father and it's apparent that in his own way, he loves you very much. All the rest is irrelevant to your relationship with him. Don't lose sight of that.

amelia said...

Wow, I didn't see that coming and i'm just picking my jaw off the floor!!

I hardly ever comment and just read but I had to comment on this one!

I hope you are not too shocked and are able to get on with living your life the way you have been.

Jbeeky said...

Andrew, I just want you to know when I read this I literally lost my breath for a moment. But as I read on I smiled and realized what has kept me reading you for this long....just you.

Marsha said...

Wow, are you all serious? "That's between your mother and him" bridget says...Are you kidding me? Bridget, come on over, I have some pills to give you to "make you feel better" then once I have control, I'll start messing around with your head and finances. You have GOT TO BE kidding!

And then there's Sharon.."All the rest is irrelevant to your relationship with him." Again I say, WTF?? Are you dipping into the pill stash??

Irrelevant? Drugging his mother is irrelevant? Lets say it one more time...DRUGGING HIS MOTHER.

God Lord give me patience.

I swear, I wish I had the strength to stay away from this blog. I am sucked in each time and I leave ANGRY!

I understand that you all want to encourage Andrew and that's great but you encourage him to stay in denial about the illegal things his father does with those pills. YOU ARE NOT HELPING HIM!

I say if Andrew and his mother broke away from his father, within a year they'd be more "normal" than you or I.

Portia said...

I can understand why you'd avoid these comments, although I was happy to see that most of them were very supportive. Like Dr. Seuss says, those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter. Or something like that.