For the longest time, mom would clandestinely give me twenty bucks or so feeling sorry for me never having any money. It really made my living situation much more doable as I could get coffee, breakfast, or a burger when I wanted it.
"I can't give you any more money," my mother told me today out of the blue, "Your father almost found out."
It felt like someone had hit me on the back of the head with a sledgehammer. I didn't realize how much I leaned on mom doing that every week.
"Are you mad at me?" she then asked.
"No," I replied. "It worried me, too. I didn't want you to get in trouble with dad as well."
"What are you gonna do?" mom then asked me.
"I guess I will try to use my one year sobriety point as leverage to start getting money again."
"Sorry," mom said and she hung up.
You know what I felt? So lonely. Like the last person I could count on in life had given up on me. I also felt helpless having little control over my own finances. It can be a blessing and a curse.