Sunday, November 2, 2008

Lean Times in Andrew-ville...

For the longest time, mom would clandestinely give me twenty bucks or so feeling sorry for me never having any money.  It really made my living situation much more doable as I could get coffee, breakfast, or a burger when I wanted it. 

"I can't give you any more money," my mother told me today out of the blue, "Your father almost found out."

It felt like someone had hit me on the back of the head with a sledgehammer.  I didn't realize how much I leaned on mom doing that every week. 

"Are you mad at me?" she then asked.

"No," I replied. "It worried me, too.  I didn't want you to get in trouble with dad as well."

"What are you gonna do?" mom then asked me.

"I guess I will try to use my one year sobriety point as leverage to start getting money again."

"Sorry," mom said and she hung up.

You know what I felt?  So lonely.  Like the last person I could count on in life had given up on me.  I also felt helpless having little control over my own finances.  It can be a blessing and a curse.


Nathan Hawks said...

I really hope it's okay for me to say this, considering we don't know each other. But there've been times when that kind of thing happened to me, and the actions I had to take in order to compensate helped my mindset enough that it was a good thing in the end.

Lou said...

I know what a difference twenty bucks can make in someone's life.
Best wishes on this.

Eric said...

I pray that you get some help on the money front. I know it is hard for you to have this happen, but I don't think your mom has given up on you.

justLacey said...

I don't think your mom has given up on you. I think she just doesn't want any trouble from your dad. hopefully he will realize soon that some pocket money is only fair. He could start out slowly. God knows if you really wanted to drink, you wouldn't need him giving you money to do it. I can't believe it's almost a year of sobriety already. You are doing well. I know it wasn't so easy in the beginning, but hopefully it is easier now.

Rich said...

At the end of the day only one yopu can really count on is yourself.