Friday, June 6, 2008

Yesterday's Attack...

This is my attempt to write about this occurrence with the hopes it will alleviate some of the symptoms I am experiencing today. 

I felt it coming on for hours.  My head started to spin and I couldn't focus on anything.  I immediately started to pace the floor.  "Your house is so freakin' dirty," I said to myself noticing acutely that dirt and dog hair was everywhere.  I don't noticed this when I am normal.  It adds to the panic that my father is coming at night with my medications.  Soon, I was lying on the bed too tired to walk anymore.  My head continued to spin.  I can't drink, smoke, or have any noise on.   My mouth grows so dry, I feel like I am choking trying to wet it.  My neighbors were mowing their lawn and it just added to the panic.  It was so getting on my nerves.   Then the need to urinate would hit.  I would stand over the toilet as my head and heart pounded, but nothing would happen.  I got so scared I would urinate in my bed as I lie there.  Finally, I managed to use the bathroom.  This went on for three or four hours.  It is maddening.  I feel like I am losing my mind.  I have no control over my body.  They almost feel like seizures to be honest.   

10 comments:

Brad said...

Ever tried those deep breathing exercises ? sometimes works for me. Here's one kinda strange thing I do every once in a while when I'm all tensed up. I lean over and strech all the muscles in my back and strech out my arms and try to feel the negative energy in my body flowing back into the ground. I know it sounds weird but it works for me. Hang in there buddy. You got lots of love around you.

Brad said...

Also petting my pup is a good one too.

justLacey said...

Brad had a good suggestion. Have you ever thought of trying yoga? You can get a dvd and try it that way. Learn all the relaxation techniques you can.

Jessica said...

Hang in there man! :) Today does feel like an anxious day. Maybe something is in the air. Have a good weekend.

Manifesting Mini Me (MMM) said...

I recently heard a doctor talk about arguing with our own thoughts - for instance, if the idea comes to mind, "Your house is so freakin' dirty", then you could counter with - "It may be dirty, but I'm not going to be punished for it - it's clean enough".

At any rate, you have a good awareness and identity of the thought patterns and the subsequent feelings associated with them. That is valuable insight.

Irishcoda said...

I'm sorry you suffer so with those horrible things. I think I'm more like your mom in that mine come and go in ebbs and flows and usually don't go for more than an hour or so. But even that is too long. Does deep breathing help at all? Sometimes it helps me. I shut my eyes and try to think of my favorite place and do some slow deep breathing. It doesn't always work though.

SoundHunter said...

I used to have these quite badly, I called 911 on myself a couple of times because I truly thought I was having a haert attack and was going to die. I don't know if they where as bad, or the same as yours, but I'll share what helped me.

My doctor told me that when we get anxious we unconsciously hyperventilate, often we take deep breaths in but don't completely exhale and so we end up breathing in a really wierd irregular way, which makes the muscles involved with the lungs work too hard and begin to tighten, causing the feelings that we can't breath, making us more anxious and it just gets worse and worse. She told me to really focus on breathing with my diaphragm and to try not to think about my lungs so much, dunno if you have ever done any singing but they always teach diaphragm breathing to singers and this is how it goes. When you breath in, your diaphragm should push up and out, when you breath out your diaphragm should go in. When we hyper ventilate we do the opposite, or when we sing with our throats instead of our diaphragms, where good singing is supposed to happen as far as the effort to move air goes. Your diaphragm is below your lungs, so when you're having an attack, try realizing that you are most likely not breathing properly and that this ius making yuour head feel not right and your chest feel tight and restrictive, and that it's easier to correct this by focusing on diaphragm breathing.

other things that have helped where consuming less caffeine because it makes me really prone to panic attacks and makes me breathe too fast and shallowly, to spend more quiet time in nature and away from the stresses of noise pollution and angry people (they almost completely went away when we moved to the country) and then also, a regular meditation practise which could look like yoga, or tai chi (taoist tai chi is really cheap by the way, free for people who can't afford to pay!) or any other kind of meditation where the point is to still your mind and do nothing but just be.

Hope you find some respite somehow. I have enjoyed your blog for awhile, here's my coming out post.

forsythia said...

Wow. I hope you're feeling better today. I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say these attacks almost feel like seizures. It's interesting to me that several of the medications our daughter has taken for mania (such as Depakote) were originally used to treat seizures.

Cin said...

Hi Andrew, its me again. LOL! When I read the last sentence in the post, I got chills! I feel very similar to what you are experiencing. Someone mentioned deep breathing exercises...Those do work. It takes some practice and you have to do them even when you are not having an attack. But, they do help to calm you down. I still have to think about practicing.

EE said...

Do you ever pass out with yours?
I do. It looks to others like I'm having a seizure. It freaks us all out.