Thursday, June 5, 2008

Where There is a Will, There is a Way!

"You will find a way to pay for it,"  a long time AA goer told me this morning in regards to my not having enough gas to get to all the meetings I want to go to.  They were right.  "You always found a way to drink!"

I am feeling shaky today, though.  I just don't feel well and have that impending doom (anxiety attack) feeling today.  I just called Mom needing someone to talk to.

"Did you get to your morning meeting?" she asked.

"Just barely," I replied. "I feel horrible."

We discussed the price of gas and making it to my meetings.

"I'll buy you a tank of gas a week," Mom offered.

I told her I would think about it.  I don't want yet another tendril of dependence to be attached.  It was nice of her though.  I am thinking I will talk to Dad about using some of my work money for gas.  He has an account with a local gas station for the pharmacy.  That way I would be paying my own way and would feel better about it.  As they say, "Where there is a will, there is a way!"


Bridget said...

If your Dad doesn't agree to your using the work account for gas, how about asking him to give you gas cards as part of your pay (maybe $20 or $40 worth)? Gas cards are like gift cards for stores. That way, you won't have extra spending money on you to worry about (gas cards can only be used for gas) but the gas will still get covered. It's not the same as dependence, since it will be part of your pay.

Andrew said...

Great idea Bridget! I will talk to Dad about it.

Jami said...

This is a great idea. It's an absolute assurance of how the money will be spent, too.

Andrew, as a blogger, surely you also have a private journal? If so, when you feel that impending doom, do you write about what's going on in your head ... uncensored. Don't worry about grammar, punctuation, spelling or any of that. Just write.

In the counseling field, it is common to treat anxiety disorders with cognitive behavioral therapy, simply because there is such a strong connection to what you think bringing on the attacks.

If you can get to the root of your thinking at those times, maybe you can rework those thoughts into something that's more rational and less likely to create an all-out attack?

Just a thought. (And I apologize if this is something you already do or try or because this is unsolicited advice. Can't help it sometimes b/c it's just in my nature!)

Cheryl said...

I think a gas account is a great idea. I'm sorry this is such a hard day, Andrew. I'm thinking about you!

PipeTobacco said...


Unless your neck of the woods is different than mine, I doubt your father will go for the gas card approach. Where I live, gas cards are usable for anything in the gas station. And, because most gas stations up here sell snacks, candy, tobacco, beer and wine, people here can use the gas cards for purchase of those items as well as gasoline.

My personal opinion, however, is that your father does need to start giving you access to your money, so I would still approach him about the gas card.


C.A. said...

Hope your day is better, friend. I agree that you need to have access to at least money for gas. I don't know if I don't remember or you've not said, but what IS your Dad doing with all of your wages, etc.? I'm curious.

Have a peaceful evening...



Annabel said...

You should be getting some money and I think having him pay for your gas is very fair. I hope it works out for you.

jane said...


you see less than thrileld about your radio listening - do you ever listen to NPR? there's so much amazing stuff on there everyday like fresh air from philly (where i am from!) and all things considered - great news show on at 4 pm EST. also, you can download great stuff like this american life
car talk
and wait wait don't tell me
i love national public radio and leave it on all day.


Leann said...

I would agree that a gas card is a good idea. Hopefully that works out for you Andrew.

justLacey said...

Let dad pay to fill up your car once a week. I'm sure he'd be glad to for that and after all you are working for him. I would think he would be agreeable to that plan. Eventually you're going to have to learn to control yourself with some money in your pocket. How about starting out small? I would think life is way less complicated for you now that it was when you were drinking. Why would you want to go back to that? I think you are doing pretty good. The anxiety could stay at the level of impending doom and never go full blown. That is how mine are now and I rarely have them. If I feel like that I try and distract myself, or talk myself out of it. I do the same with my migraines. Sometimes I see an aura first and I know it's coming. A few times I have relaxed myself into not getting a headache at all. If I stress over it, I can make it worse. Took me years to realize that. I think I finally started to figure it out when I was around your age. You can do it Andrew. Have faith in yourself.

Kelly Jene said...

That was nice of your mom. I know you'll find a way. I'm proud of you for going to all these meetings.

Leann said...

You haven't stopped by in awhile?

PipeTobacco said...


I would second Jane's suggestion about NPR. It is my constant companion... for news, talk, interviews, as well as classical music.


LM said...

I hope your day improved.

Changing the subject but I just caught this mention of Evander Holyfield (from your 6/4/08 blog) in an article about Ed McMahon and his home foreclosure:

McMahon isn't the only celebrity to default on loans in the plunging real estate market. On Thursday, a legal notice disclosed that former boxing champ Evander Holyfield's Fairburn, Ga., estate will be auctioned July 1 to pay off the mortgage.