"He works in mysterious ways," An AA oldtimer told me about my higher power this morning at a meeting.
"Don't tell me that!" I decreed. I want clear cut answers and solutions. I like things black and white. All or nothing. It is my nature.
I felt so much better getting out of the house despite my deepest fears. I swung by my parents and Dad had a new medication to try: Lexapro, an anti-depressant. I took it and do feel better.
"You've been terribly depressed," my father told me. "You could see it in your house and how you carried yourself."
The strange thing about depression is that you sometimes can't tell when you're in it. I know I am grasping at straws, but I am willing to try anything at this point.