Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Sorry!

Sorry for my outburst this morning.  I am just not feeling well and tend to use the blog to vent.  I feel badly and better at the same time for writing that post.  Misery loves company as they always say, and I just don't want to be alone.  I feel so alone these days. 

39 comments:

villain820 said...

I can feel you with the lonely feelings.

It has been ten years since I have had one of those panic attacks. The feeling that if you move or interact with anyone you will rattle apart.

I do get scared every time I gave a "traumatic" event that it will happen again. I pray it wont.

Vent all you want. Writing is a great way to release inner feelings and fears.

Sending good thoughts your way.

madamspud169 said...

We all have our bad days / weeks / months but as you know you have a family that cares for you and many friends specially online. People who have never met you face to face but have fallen for you just through your writing also care you can see that by your comment posts.
A lot of people are rooting for you. You're blessed.

Portia said...

Don't give up. People want to be able to relate to you, to help you feel better, but you are right in that nobody can know what anybody else is going through. The anxiety attacks you suffer sound downright miserable and I cannot say how I would handle something like that. There must be a reason they have come on with such fierceness and regularity lately. I hope you can figure out why, but until then try to take it easy on yourself. Okay? You deal with a lot, and in my humble opinion you are dealing very well. We are your friends, maybe a strange breed being online, but we want you to feel better. Definitely not worse.
I hope you find some peace today.
:)

mosiacmind said...

I think it is REALLY good when you feel free to vent on the blog. I know I would rather that people be really honest and not trying to cover things up like saying that everything is alright when it is not. I am envious that you and Kirs are talking. I enjoyed it when she had her blog and when we were emailing.
I am also bummed that I lost your phone number...could you if you feel up to it and if you are comfortable with it email me your phone number please? I think we would really have some good conversations and helo each other even more. Just an idea.........Remember I do care...

Leon said...

No need to apologize Andrew. If venting helps, vent on!

Kevin said...

It is perfectly OK bro. I hope things start getting better for you soon. It's good you've arranged to see your doc about it. I wish you the best.

Irishcoda said...

Oh Andrew, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I sort of think it must be so much worse for a man to have panic attacks because of all the unrealistic social expectations on guys--don't cry in public, don't feel your feelings, etc., it's awful. It's true that no one can understand what you're going through if they haven't also experienced the panic attacks. You have a big support group in all of us, we will NEVER think you are whining when you blog about what's happening. Your blog is the best place to get those feelings out and we understand that. Your true friends and supporters will be here through the good days and the bad. You're not alone, I am sending you lots of cyber hugs and I know all your other friends are too. :) Hang in there, hang on to Maggie, I bet she'd like a hug.

Charlotte said...

Venting is so good for the soul. There is NO need to apologize. I have suffered from panic/anxiety for years, but nothing like what you describe. I can't even imagine what it feels like for you. Just know that there are people out here in blogland that care about you and even are praying for you. I hope you continue to vent... as I said... it's good for the soul. And... you are not alone... don't lose sight of that.

Prayers are with you...

Lynx217 said...

You never need to worry about apologizing on your own blog. If someone doesn't want to read it, they don't have to. The rest of us care about you, are concerned about you, and draw strength from you. So rest well my friend and be well.

Sharyna said...

It's your blog, go ahead and vent!!

sharyna

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with venting if it is helpful. It is a valuable tool for you and represents what you need to do for YOU!

When you visit the physician, please consider mentioning the full quantity of benadryl you are consuming. I suspect withdrawl from the high dosage may be a contributing factor to the panic attacks.

Please also consider drinking significantly more water as you notice symptoms of the panic attack occurring. The extra water will help your body shed excess stress hormones.

Also, please continue to think about visiting George and his mom. I bet a home cooked meal with them would give you a lot of the company and camaraderie you desire.

Your friend,

PipeTobacco

mosiacmind said...

Hi friend...i am just checking back to see how you are....i think it is good that you are reaching out...I also really like the kids pasta in a can. I think it is good that you made your dad aware of your making an appointment....I was wondering if perhaps your shot that you get if it needs to be more like in getting one each week or perhaps switching to the pill form that you would take daily. I used to have to take it on a daily basis when I was on it. I would encourage you to write down when you have a panic attack and what was going on and the other symptoms so that when you see the doctor that you can show him how intense it is a really a sad thing i know when one is lonely and even thoughwe both have blogger buddies and for me I find comfort in crying literally out to God...but at times i want someone face to face in person so i just wanted to share with you that to again let you know i do understand and i do care...i do wish that we lived closer to each other.

Leann said...

I'm relieved to hear that there are people who can contact you and talk to you Andrew. Please know that those people who's blogs you read and they sound 'normal' only write that way because we too are afraid to put ourselves out there for fear of being thought of as abnormal, or pitiful, or whatever other negative thing can be thought of. We ALL have our issues dear Andrew...never believe otherwise.

Jean said...

It has been my experience that physicians like lists. A list of your medications if this is not the office that prescribed them, and list of times, duration and symptoms of your panic attacks would be most helpful.

Being up front about the number of Bendryl you consume might save you from many unnecessary tests. You might need a couple of simple blood tests to see what effect Benadryl is having on {certain organs which are not named here to save you from yet another worry}.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

you need anything, just let me know. You have my contacts..
Feel better my friend!
Your virtual angels are all wishing you happy times!

Always,
Elizabeth

amy said...

If you can't be yourself on your own blog, where CAN you? ... three cheers to you! -a

CJM-R said...

You are right, Andrew. The panic attacks I have had in the past are nothing like yours, and didn't last that long at all. I am sorry you have to have such a tough time with them. I am glad that you called the doctor and maybe you can get some treatment that will help you.

I feel for you and your lonliness, that has got to be so tough.

I hope that you will give up the notion that you can't write your feelings on your damn blog!

We are all more the same than different.

I admire you in so many ways and I sure do enjoy your blog and the opportunity to get to know you!

Take care... and feel better soon.
Your friend,
Lena

Kim said...

I empathise. One thing to think of, is that you can always use the "flight" bit of your fight or flight response - i.e. you can always leave if you're feeling uncomfortable or having a panic attack in the doctors' office. You always have options. This comforts me sometimes when I'm having one.

Plus, they don't last forever. You're body can't keep up such a sustained amount of adrenelin for a prolonged period of time. Thus, you know they will end.

It's so hard sometimes isn't it, just to keep going? I can totally relate. Good luck mate.

Jessica said...

Don't worry. :) Things will get better soon. You are doing so well...life is good...you know that...just try to remember it, ok?
And you SHOULD use your blog to vent...that's one of it's uses. I think that is the reason most of us blog...it helps... to write things out. I hope you have a good evening...free from panic. :)

Anonymous Boxer said...

sending you a big ((hug)) Andrew.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

god for you for having the courage to share that with us andrew. Us alcoholic bloggers are with you in spirit.
Why not go to an AA meeting if you are feeling lonely? (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired) HALT. i could never have gotten well without other alcoholics to befriend and get support from. You need never be lonely again as there will always be meetings somewhere nearby. I still really enjoy going to them 21 years sober! Its like 'cheers' but without the beer!
anyway. Hang in there Andrew. One foot in front of the other. keep on keepin on..

justLacey said...

I think your being alone so much is part of the problem. That is how mine started and like you I feared going out in public. I was only 20 at the time though and I feared being shut up alone in my house for the next 20 years more. Right about that time there were a lot of people on talk shows talking about agoraphobia. I didn't want my life to end up like that. That is why I fought it as hard as I did. Venting helps I'm sure. Maybe talk about it at your next AA meeting. I bet you will find you aren't the only one having them. Back when I had them, I had never heard of it and no one talked about it. Things are different now. I hope today is anxiety free for you.

ac said...

I've had a few panic attacks and they are truly horrible. Not as bad as yours but they freaked me OUT nonetheless. I can only imagine what you are going through. I'm so happy to hear you got an app to see dr about them. Keeping my fingers crossed that you get some real help keeping them at bay. Hugs! ac

Barb said...

Hoping this day is brighter and better then yesterday.

B~

Tory said...

Oh Andrew, as you read on my blog recently, I understand how it feels to alway put yourself out there and tell people what's going on in real life. It makes you feel very vulnerable, and sometimes you start thinking everyone has you pegged as the 'crazy' person. I know that's how I feel sometimes. But it's your blog, and what good does it do to hide your pain. You are not here for our entertainment puposes, remember that. Don't tell me you can't read all those comments above and not know you're loved by many. You are. You'll get through this, you're stronger than you think and you've been through worse than this. And to quote something you said to me once, 'You're an inspiration!'
As for the loneliness, be patient. In the meantime, hang on to Maggie for dear life, she loves you and you are her world.
Hugs
Tory

Tory said...

Oh yeah, one more thing. Don't you ever apologize for being yourself. You happen to be a great person...so no more apologies.
Tory

Ryan. said...

I would use my blog to vent but I'm being monitored by family members so I have to use sports.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I hope you're doing better now, today!
Always,
Elizabeth

Kelly Jene said...

I'm here if you need me friend. I can't imagine having the panic attacks you do. I don't doubt for one minute that it's horrifying.

You are deeply cared for. Hugs.

Cheryl said...

I hope you were able to get in to see a doctor...you shouldn't have to suffer like you've been. Has today been a better day? It seems like you have your father's support and I know that means the world to you. Write when you can...we're waiting on you.

Marilyn said...

Everyone needs two blogs. One for family and acquaintances to read. And and anonymous one to tell the truth and rant on. :-)

Joanne said...

I started to miss you and hope you are fine

justLacey said...

Just checking in. Good luck at the drs. today.

Moonroot said...

Don't worry about venting here. We are here for you.
Hope you're feeling better.

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forsythia said...

Several people close to me suffer from panic attacks. One has a gorgeous voice, but gave up trying to sing solos because the anguish wasn't worth it.

Write your heart out on your blog. I think it probably helps you to get it down in print, but, if nothing else, it DEFINITELY helps others who may be going through the same thing.

Irishcoda said...

I just stopped by to say hello and see how you're doing today, Andrew. I hope you're having as lovely a day there as we are here. :)

Winnie the poohi said...

where did u disappear this last 2 days?

Portia said...

Here's to a great day for you!

And please blog to your heart's content. I am reserved on my own, out of fear, pure and simple. But I appreciate those of you who are bold enough to be more open. It's inspiring.